I've been played, haven't I? OLD related

[itsallpoop]

I am so stupid. I have been played like a right fool and I am so upset and annoyed with myself.

First OLD ever, went amazingly well, and coffee turned into a meal out. Before that we had exchanged literally hundreds of texts over two dsys. He was so bloody nice. Really kind, loads of compliments, funny, charming - everything.

Second date, also brilliant with some heavy duty kissing.

Third date and we DTD. Again, absolutely fantastic, loving, warm, intimate. Just perfect. I floated home, hardly able to believe my luck. After being in a crappy relationship for 3 years, I had a glimmer of happiness.

Since then, almost nothing. The odd text in response to my increasingly desperate ones, but no sign of anything like before at all.

Why do they do it? Why say on a profile you're looking for a relationship when all you want is a shag?

Number deleted now, won't be getting in touch again. Not saddened by this ending before it began, just incredibly sad that I was played for a fool, when I had been so hopeful.

Are all men on OLD like this?

itsalloop, take a break from OLD, lick your wounds.

I know it might seem like OLD is the only avenue to meet someone, but it doesn't sound as though you are having fun.

I agree that a thicker skin (think rhino hide ) is really essential.

Disagree all you like.But 10 years down the line,married and a family together is not a waste of time.

Sleeping with someone you don't know that well and then being left to feel like shit like the OP was now that is a waste of time!

10 years down the line that might be the key. Dating these days is cutthroat. Nobody had apps on their phone 10 years ago. Waiting 6 weeks to meet a person for a date and investing so much emotionally before you meet rarely pays dividends for people these days. I'm happy for you that it worked out (and it can work out that way now, not saying it never does) but advice for OLD these days is don't over invest before meeting, meet fast, keep it light and maintain a thick skin. That remains good advice.

Obviously I didn't mean your marriage was a waste of time, that's a funny interpretation

I don't agree,she is becoming invested though isn't she or she wouldn't have started this thread and wouldn't be feeling so bad.

We both(myself and DH)have friends that have been on the same dating site not long ago and they've done similar to us and it's worked for all of them as well.

Im with obsidian on this. If OP is this pissed off after a short meet and date can you imagine what she would feel like after 6 weeks.
Great that it worked out for you ohtheholidays but a 6 week preamble is ludicrous unless you are LDR.
I'm glad I met my OH quickly. I'd be gutted had we chatted for 6 weeks only to find no attraction.

I chatted to my DP for a month by text then phone before we met. In all the time we chatted there was no real talk of being attracted to each other so much as just we enjoyed being in touch...when we met I was excited about having him as a mate as much as I was a new partner - obviously the spark was there so the last piece of the puzzle fitted but had we heavily flirted or whatever by text beforehand then not fancied each other I suppose it would have been a bit weird.

No way would I spend six weeks chatting to someone, good morning, how's your day, what u up to, what u doing, good night, over and over.

Some men want to whatsapp all day long and spend ages talking on the phone in the evenings. When they manage to work for a living I don't know.

I play it very differently this days and I have lower expectations.

I know online dating can work and I am not cynical but I don't let it take up my time so much any more.

Online dating is nothing like it was 10 years ago.

FWIW, over the summer I spent 4 weeks talking to someone while he was abroad before we met. We dtd and I never saw him again (as usual). So saying talking for ages is the right way is clearly bollocks.

Its so subjective though isn't it. You can have great chemistry personality wise, good sex and then you or them not want to pursue it any further. Sex/first date isn't a contract

In many ways, on line dating is like applying for a job except it's 2-way. You don't know who else has applied and what their qualifications are, or what else is going on with the company or in the life of your date.

Sometimes you have an amazing interview and you still don't get the job, because there was another candidate even better, or the company decided not to hire anyone after all. Some companies send a polite thanks but no thanks letter..others can't be bothered.

Can i just say I don't think I'm over invested, I just think it's polite to text after a meet to say thanks, be nice to do it again or sorry, don't think we clicked.

Couldn't imagine texting etc for six weeks before a meet, then my hopes really would be up. Pleased for those of you who that worked for though

Have been asked for another date by someone I met a few weeks ago. No spark there for me, but we text very sporadically so not sure if I should just go for it anyway - letting my heart hormones take charge isn't working for me.

Worth a read!

www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-34962498