I've been played, haven't I? OLD related

[itsallpoop]

I am so stupid. I have been played like a right fool and I am so upset and annoyed with myself.

First OLD ever, went amazingly well, and coffee turned into a meal out. Before that we had exchanged literally hundreds of texts over two dsys. He was so bloody nice. Really kind, loads of compliments, funny, charming - everything.

Second date, also brilliant with some heavy duty kissing.

Third date and we DTD. Again, absolutely fantastic, loving, warm, intimate. Just perfect. I floated home, hardly able to believe my luck. After being in a crappy relationship for 3 years, I had a glimmer of happiness.

Since then, almost nothing. The odd text in response to my increasingly desperate ones, but no sign of anything like before at all.

Why do they do it? Why say on a profile you're looking for a relationship when all you want is a shag?

Number deleted now, won't be getting in touch again. Not saddened by this ending before it began, just incredibly sad that I was played for a fool, when I had been so hopeful.

Are all men on OLD like this?

Go on more dates & meet someone lovely. Hugs & good luck

One thing I have learned from dating threads on here is never trust anyone who bills themselves as honest and genuine on their profile - why would anyone feel the need to advertise themselves like that? It should be a given. I met a couple of tossbags who said this before I heard of this advice. They were anything but genuine.

They'll teach you in sales school to never ever say "to be honest with you"

What's that imply;?.

I know. Most things on this thread have given me something to think about.

Deleted all texts now, but if I hadn't I'd go back and count how many times he told me he respected woman and was always honest.

Red flag alert for the future!

itsallpoop I don't say I blame you, it is sad that there's so much distrust nowadays and it engenders a air of suspicion and distrust.

But it does seem a necessary evil.

It does, this one tiny thing has taken a small amount of trust and hope from me, I can see that over time you could become very jaded and cynical far more quickly than you would in RL.

Sometimes men who like to think of themselves as respectful, honest blah blah are actually shallow twats who are wedded to a self concept that doesn't reflect reality. Beware a man who professes himself to be anything- it's for you to find out what he's like, not for him to tell you. And read between the lines! Think 'why is he telling me this, what does he want me to think of him, why, is it the truth?'
Lucky escape from someone who wasn't at all as nice as they professed to be

He's a tosser, he'll reap what he sows, someone will make mincemeat of him
It's painful I know
Chin up and put it behind you

suzanne that first part reads like a poem, I love it!

Thank you

well if you want a ditty....

He's a tosser, he'll reap what he sows
You can do better
(From a woman who knows)

Finally got a text, apologising for not contacting me. MH issues, which I can deal with as I have some experience with my ex, but still massive red flags waving all over the place.

He's feeling low now, and would like a cuddle from me. Hang on a minute, let me get my coat over my dead body.

I have sympathy of course for MH problems, but it also seems to me (going on what you've said) to 'shout, hard work, manipulative and needy'.

Reels you in with the wondrous sexual chemistry thing and then proceeds to try and jerk you around?

His issues didn't stop him logging onto a dating site though....sorry sounds like he has a scratch he wants you to itch.

Ha ha or itch he would like you to scratch....either way he is history

He certainly is. Just spoken to someone else on the phone, first impressions are good, so I'll take it nice and easy this time and not get carried and DTD too quickly.

So maybe this first man twat actually did me a favour.

If he's a decent man it wouldn't matter if you dtd on the 1st or 21st date. That's not the issue. It's whether they're a knob or not

Glad you've listened to your gut OP. OLD can be testing to say the least! But having your bullshit radar finely accuned will help.
Hope the next is more promising

^ attuned!

Tinder is mainly used for hookups and sex, I presume that is what threefishys meant about knowing where you stand. I'm sorry you got hurt, it's probably best you found out his true colours early on

Tinder is mainly used for hookups and sex

No it's not. It's just like any other free site, some people looking for hook ups and others for dating.

There has been several reports in the papers about the rise in sexual assault and rape which have been linked with Tinder meetups. The amount of people wanting to genuinely date on that site are few and far between according to the stats. Good for you, if you can successfully get a relationship out of Tinder but a lot of women get a lot more than they bargain for using Tinder as a "dating" site.

Yeah ok whatever you say
Can you cite any statistics to back up your claim that tinder is causing a rise in sexual assaults and rapes? Where is the article you read?
Tinder is a dating app and like all dating sites/apps it is what you make of it. Lots of people use it for dating. Lots of people use it for hooking up but that's the same for plenty of fish and all other free sites.

That's absolute craps, 'statistics' or no...Tinder is the same as any other app. I wouldn't recommend it for those a little apprehensive as its straight to the point insofar as you either find each other physically attractive or you dont - I see nothing wrong with that tbh . OP if you are chatting to someone else already you clearly weren't quite as invested in that guy as you thought (which is no bad thing under the circumstances )

All you have to do is Google about tinder and the details speak for themselves.

Op, glad you've met someone else, I hope it works out for you

threefishys you're right, I clearly wasn't that into him. If he had sent me a text after saying thanks but no thanks I would have been fine. Sad maybe, and a little but fine.

It was the lack of contact that upset me. Naive I know, but there you go.