It has been over 18 months since my DP left me and I still can't seem to move on. We had been together for 8 and a half years and he was the love of my life. Our relationship was far from perfect (who's is?). When we met (and throughout) he was a workaholic with little time for our relationship. Two years in, I wanted to marry/have kids with him but he refused. One day I just burst into tears and was comforted by a male colleague. I was lonely and feeling neglected and unfortunately we had several flirty conversations. Completely wrong and the ex found out (after hacking into my computer as I was seemingly behaving differently - I went on a night out with friends). We got over this or so I thought.
Fast forward several years, the relationship was going ok, not perfect, he was still working ridiculous hours and I was looking after our home, dogs, families. I did wonder over time about him working away so much and all the late nights but trusted him implicitly. He reached the age of 40 and had a week's worth of benders with friends - one of them being a night out with a female colleague. I thought nothing of this... Then in April last year he said he wanted he needed space. We talked and argued. He refused to attend Relate with me. I tried to be grown up, even though I was falling apart, and said he should leave. One week later, we met up and he said it was definitely over. I was heartbroken.
In the months that followed, I emailed/phoned/texted wanting answers and wanting him back. The abuse that was hurled at me was horrific - I still have visions of the words "slut slut slut" on my phone as he constantly texted/accused me. I discovered a few months after this that he had someone else. In fact the same someone else that he had enjoyed a birthday night out with. At that time she was married with a 4 year old and a 3 month old baby. They had both cheated on their respective exes.
Recently I have wondered what exactly happened. I know the OW had just moved house with her husband so i take it the husband was forced to move out and my ex moved in immediately. So many questions...including how can this be a good foundation for a relationship? Two cheaters. Apparently she was advising my ex on the relationship with me and then lo and behold she cheats on her husband?! Did the OW and her husband have a child to "fix" their relationship? Sorry but all of this is wrong. I find it all so hypocritical and contradictory. I don't feel hatred towards my ex or the OW, I would actually just like answers and for them to be completely honest with all around them, children included. I am sure as hell she didn't tell her husband that she cheated on him, just as my ex lied to me and referred to me as the slut.
I suppose I will never get answers and I will eternally be left feeling the bad party. Towards the end of our relationship I discovered that I was being overly maternal, domesticity had turned into nesting, and initiated fertility testing (I was 38 at the time). I wanted us to have a family. Now this is all lost. I feel that I wasted years on the relationship with him. That I now will not be able to have the family I desired all those years ago.