This is creepy, right?

[fishfingersinmysandwiches]

So this evening there was a knock at the door. I openec it and there was a man I vaguely recognise standing with a huge bunch of pink roses saying, "These are for you".

I was totally confused as I was expecting my sons friends dad (whom I've not met before) to bring my son and his friend back to my house for a sleepover, so I was thinking it was rather an over top thank you gesture for having his son over.

But the man then asked if I fancy a coffee sometime? He also gave me a separate pink rose for my daughter, "Just in case she feels left out." I looked blank and replied, "But I don't know you."

He explained that he worked at such and such a place and then it dawned on me where Ii'd seen him before. I'd been into his place of work about three months ago and as far as I'm concerned that is the only time we've ever met. He told me he'd noticed we, "Had a lot of eye contact". Er... have we??? I was too taken aback to send him packing and ended up fobbing him off with some feeble, "Er.. let me think about it and get back to you" comment. I just felt a bit frozen and weirded out to be honest.

What I want to know is how the fuck he knows where I live?

This is creepy and innappropriate, correct? My friend seems to think it's romantic but I'm not happy.

I suppose what is creepy is that he either saw you once and has written Gone with the Wind in his head on the basis of that.
Or he has seen you around, but hasn't even approached you to say hello, remember me from the florist petrol station and how are you, I haven't seen you there again, which would be less creepy and could get you talking.

I'm tending toward the romantic than the full-on stalky, based on what you say. You live on a small community and he lives nearby, so him knowing where you live isn't far-fetched, or automatically creepy. You even know enough mutual prople that you've been able to do a bit of background checking on him. People who are getting panicky about this probably don't live in this kind of environment.

And I'm normally the kind of MNer who gets strident about street harassment issues. But this isn't that.

Pink roses are less full-on than red. The one rose for your daughter was sweet.

The only thing I'd be weirded put about was him mentioning the eye contact: that made it seem complicit on your part, rather than him just admiring you, IYSWIM. But even that could just be general awkwardness.

If you're at all inclined to take a chance on coffee, it needn't be a commitment to anything else. Its entirely up to you. Best of luck, whatever you decide.

I once gave someone the benefit of the doubt when they did one of those grand Hollywood gestures. I should have listened to my gut instinct. He had absolutely no boundaries, was emotionally manipulative, emotionally blackmailed me into a relationship (I know how does that happen? I was too young and polite to stand up for myself then), and when I ended it he stalked me for several years afterwards.

In light of that, this man may be absolutely lovely, but personally I wouldn't risk it.

I'm certain this isn't related to the phone incident. The man on the phone had a slightly northern English accent - nothing like the local accent here. He also sounded very young. They're not the same person.

I have no intention of going to the police, and I accept this might just be a slightly awkward attempt to start something, but nevertheless it does not sit right with me. I personally am not a romantic person. Slushy, overblown gestures do not do much for me. I prefer my men a bit rougher around the edges

I also do not like the way in which he gave a flower to my daughter although, again, I accept he may have been coming from a cack-handed but ultimately good place. But I found it creepy and over the top. She's 8 for goodness sake. What's she supposed to make of a strange man appearing at the door and giving her mother and her flowers?

So good looking or not, his actions are off putting.

But perhaps I could feel tentatively flattered? This has come at a good time. My last encounter with a man left my ego feeling a bit battered. At least I can take from this the fact that there are still men out there who are going to be interested in me.

Also, the reason I have been asking around about him is to try to establish whether he is a known weirdo.

Ewww.

OP, did he leave you his number or any way of contacting him? I'm concerned that as you left it as "Let me think about it" he might turn up again when you don't then call him or whatever.

I would find this extremely invasive of my territory. And the comment about "and one for your daughter" would have tripped me straight into Sweary McFuckoff mode.

Op go with your gut. End of.

The man on the phone had a slightly northern English accent

True dat. Because if you were calling to harass women you'd never use another regional accent...oh hang on a minute...

Yeah I actually have no way of getting back to him. I don't have his number. I know where he works and that's it. It would be easy to find out where he lives but there's no way I'm going round to his house.

My plan is to just leave it I think.

And fuck it, I'm going to enjoy my flowers. They're OTT but very pretty all the same.

Where do you live that everyone knows everyone else's address? Roysten Vasey?

Yup Goodnight. It's a local kind of place for local kind of people

Lets see. Some random thoughts;!.

I bet he knows quite a bit about you like whether or not your single. Suspect he has spoken to someone who does know you well who thus far hasn't said anything to you. He's done his homework.

Question for the girls here?. Suppose that's wrong, girls, and will offend someone here then lets say the female contingent?.

If you were him and you fancied her just how would you go about "engineering" a contact as a lot of this seems these days to be an all roads lead to hell thing?. If he sent you a present or token at your place of work then "how the hell did he know that"! he must be well round the bend!.

If he snail mailed you then how did he get my address?. Was there someone who could have introduced you, how quaint that is these days do people do that anymore?.

Yes i suppose it can be construed as a bit over the top but i bet he thought "I really like her so I'll make a grand gesture so shes well impressed with me that's my best shot"!.

Maybe he's just a bit olde world and a romantic. And the number of the threads here of women lamenting their lack of received affection and romance received and those who do OLD seemly its got that bad that a dickpic is the first thing many expect;!.

Also are we becoming nation who are now so full of FUD ( Fear Uncertainly Doubt) that its affecting us in a bad way?.

And before there's a chorus of what about abusers and other of that ilk yes course that's wrong and perhaps we should be happier that that sort of thing isnt tolerated anymore, it isnt covered up, women's rights are getting better slowly but i think things are improving.

So perhaps the OP ought to at least either take him up on his offer or just send him a note, assuming shes certain where he lives, and simply say thank that's very kind but I do regret etc.

Giving an 8 year old a flower? Well years ago that would have seemed quite sweet, but not nowadays.

Why these days is our first thought that something out of the ordinary is thought of as creepy and or someone's a wierdo, are there that many out there or are they all safely rounded up in the OLD pen after has more then its fair share;!.

Anyway Fish at least your sounding a bit flattered that there is someone out there who is interested in you.

Perhaps a "fortune favours the brave" might be the way to go;?.

Whatever happens do let us all know:)

Just why call us 'girls' if you know it's going to offend?

Stirring?

fish - if he didn't leave a number then be prepared for him to turn up again.

Interestingly, I used to want to live in one of those "local" places. I know my neighbours and I always have known them, wherever I've lived, but I am glad I don't live in such a place now. Well, maybe it would be okay, but suffice to say the neighbours here - I hope - would all know damn well that I don't even give out my number unless essential, much less my address. As I say, I never answer the door to someone I don't know.

Waltermittythesequel No not at all just perhaps trying not to to upset anyone maybe?.

What a patronising post Justaboy. Was it intentional?

Can we see a photo of the flowers? I want to know exactly how OTT they are.

justaboy I'm more upset by your use of fullstops after every exclamation mark or question ...

The "gesture" is not romantic. If they'd spoken repeatedly over a period of a month, it could be. A one-off meeting three months ago and he shows up at her house? Weird.

And the general lack of punctuation elsewhere.

As I said above, what's wrong with knocking on someone's door, politely asking for a date and then leaving?

I have no way of knowing if you're someone making what you think is a grand gesture, who will go away if asked, or a dangerous stalker who will make my life a misery for the next five years. So at the end of the encounter you walk away thinking “it’s a shame she turned me down” whilst I spend the next few days or longer feeling that I’m not safe in my own home or if you're going to start a campaign of harassment.

You have no idea DrM what experiences the woman you are approaching has had. She might have read several Mills and Boons novels and think you’re a hero but it’s more likely that day in, day out she has to cope with public attention from men that she does not want. It’s one thing fending this off in public spaces, although I don’t agree with it, it’s another when it invades your territory.

Try seeing it from the woman’s point of view, not yours. Whilst the majority of men may be quite safe to be around there is a sizeable minority who are a real threat to women and I have no idea if the man turning up on my door step is the former or the latter. However, I will take the fact that he has turned up on my doorstep unannounced as a sign that he has few boundaries and no empathy for my situation.

Violating personal space, stalking, entitlement etc etc.

The fact that you're so dismissive of things which are such an issue for so many women tells me that you're not good at considering other people's concerns. As a teenager I ended up having my dad walking 50 yards behind me when I was out walking my dogs because I wanted to go on my own whilst men in the park wanted to hassle me. This is what women cope with all the time.

it’s more likely that day in, day out she has to cope with public attention from men that she does not want. It’s one thing fending this off in public spaces, although I don’t agree with it, it’s another when it invades your territory.

Bravo, Gabilan.

"If you were him and you fancied her just how would you go about "engineering" a contact as a lot of this seems these days to be an all roads lead to hell thing?. If he sent you a present or token at your place of work then "how the hell did he know that"! he must be well round the bend!"

If I couldn't engineer a situation in which the woman felt safe I wouldn't approach her at all. Why does me fancying someone mean I have to be able to ask them out, at the risk of freaking them out?

I had a brief encounter with someone at work. Not someone I work with just someone I met through work. A few days later I saw his profile on a dating site so I contacted him. All legitimate, all above board, nothing that's likely to make anyone uneasy.

If you're wondering what happened, he didn't message me back. His prerogative.

No not at all just perhaps trying not to to upset anyone maybe?.

By referring to adult, intellectual women as 'girls'?

she's had 3 months to contact him if she 'felt a connection' - she didn't. Mentally stable people would recognise that.