Is it acceptable to not even try?

[0verNow]

Our couples counsellor is putting a lot of pressure on me, to try again at our marriage - mostly because we have DCs, but also because he thinks DH deserves the opportunity to mend his ways.

I don't want to. I feel too ground down by DH's EA behaviour over the past 10 years. I can't forget, even if I forgive. I don't love him, or trust him, or frankly even like him very much at the moment.

I've told our counsellor this, several times. He doesn't accept my viewpoint. He says DH doesn't understand what he's done wrong and will be a different man when he does understand.

Am I wrong to simply say that enough is enough? The phrase that keeps running through my head is "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me".

The irony is - I'm entitled to free counselling through my employer - but they won't see me while I'm in couples counselling.

It takes two to 'save' a marriage and your H isn't trying. He's doing what he's always done and that's bullying you, this time he's supposedly paying someone £750 to help in the con. The energy you're wasting in this pointless excercise, could be better invested in ending this abusive and dysfunctial relationship.

It's time to stop lugging around the corpse of your dead marriage, it's over and your H not accepting it, is his problem.

Even more reason to end this farce and to start engaging in your future.

Is your H being truthful in these sessions?

The past 4 sessions have been separate, so I can't say if he's being truthful. The next couples session is this week, so I'll get a clearer idea then.

Sorry, you're being conned. Either both of you by the counsellor, or most likely he is a guy like your husband, who has a "business" of pretending to be a counsellor, so wives like you get told to stay and shut up, and the husbands get to to hide all their money behind him, paying a few hundred quid for the privilege.
I really think its the later and your husband is just taking away all your money as his.

Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me

Indeed. You should put an end to this charade.

I have no access to any of "our" savings accounts, so you may well be right.

Luckily, I earn enough that I'm financially independent going forward - that's what I meant when I said that the FA is dealt with.

It was DH having £16k to pay the counsellor that opened my eyes to the FA in the first place.

Be careful what you tell this conman unqualified counsellor.

"SH has an international audience for his powerfully effective alternative to traditional therapies which attracts Bankers, Celebrities, Royalty, Entrepreneurs to name a few. If you are looking for a "Premium Service" which is designed for your specific situation, this unique service is for you."

It is all clear now. He is one of those marriage counsellors who tailors his advice to the person who is paying him, in this case, your husband.

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!

So your not so D H has syphoned away the price of a decent car so that he has an ally in his bullying?

Tell me again why you don't trust him.

I think you need to talk to the police about the fact that he has forged your signature. Do not attend any more sessions, vin the meantime.

"Ah, no, Imperial. DH paid £16k upfront without telling me - the money is already spent. And that only buys 12 sessions. The £750 was a special offer for the introductory session."

!!! This would almost be funny if it wasn't so awful.

Stop going to this "counselling". Start individual counselling through your employer.

Please also contact Women's Aid and get their advice as well as legal advice from a solicitor they recommend.

I would use the rest of the sessions to insist that half of the savings are put into your name NOW

I wish i could be so rich thatI could be so calm in the face of 16k of family money being stolen from me right under my nose

In future, any counsellor who advises his services as attracting Bankers (with a big B) Celebrities (with a big C), Entrepreneurs (with a big E) and Royalty (with a big R) is a snake oil salesman and a fraud. If you are a counsellor it is your EXPERIENCE and qualifications that you talk about. Not your banker clients. With a big B.

THE EXIT IS THATAWAY!!

My first thought is to check who owns the domain of the counsellor Just because it sounds really REALLY iffy and alarm bells over the 'counsellors' qualifications and the rate they charge. you can do it here www.nominet.uk/whois/ you should be able to find their name and actual address. It would be interesting if it is different from where you go for the sessions.

I'd request a copy of the contract from the 'counsellor'. You are entitled to have a copy. Get one. Esp if it has been signed fraudulently. Put that somewhere safe because it should also show how much you OH has spent on the brainwashing therapy

Do as others have suggested RE solicitor/women's aid etc etc

Tbf, he's a coach not a conman. He's not a therapist or a counsellor.

He us massively expensive!

Everything else still stands.

*is

Over Now, your husband could be the loveliest, most reasonable man in the world, if you want to leave - you are not unreasonable to leave!

That counsellor is a complete charlatan. Gives everyone else a bad name.

find another marriage counsellor because the one you have is fucking shit and does not listen, which is surely the main purpose of a counsellor.

in fact, why not save your time and money and just ditch your partner? he sounds like a douchebag.

Thing is, Eminado, the money isn't the biggest deception by DH I've uncovered - at least not to me. There's something he's been lying to me about for 8.5 of the 10 years we've been together.

I think Daemon has it spot on. This bloke sings the words of the person paying him. You would be better off getting a good solicitors with forensic financial investigation experience if H has hidden accounts.

Stop the couple's counselling and take up the free workplace counselling. Get legal advice. He is paying through the nose to keep control.

Why are you going to see someone who isn't even a counsellor that you don't trust?

Don't go anymore and go on your own to the one provided by work. Tell them everything about this charlatan.