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Original poster

newish man snogging an unknown man in a club

89 replies

captainBeaky · 01/11/2015 09:17

He thinks I shouldn't be bothered by this at all, even though he did it right in front of me. The whole situation was instigated by the other man, but my oh seemed to enjoy it. It started out kind of jokey until I tapped his arm to stop now but he continued. He says he liked the attention. I'm not feeling that I can trust him at all right now. He assures me that he adores me but I actually do not know what to think. Opinions gratefully received

OP posts:
BramblePie · 01/11/2015 09:59

Dump

areyoubeingserviced · 01/11/2015 10:00

Please dump this man.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 01/11/2015 10:01

I think he probably has already told you the truth - he liked the attention. But that means whenever there is an opportunity for attention, he will put that above whether you are happy. He will minimise it now because his reasoning is weak and sounds selfish.

This was a big indication of who he is. He might think the world of you, but not as much as he enjoys snogging strangers and being the centre of attention.

TheoriginalLEM · 01/11/2015 10:02

Have you asked him how he would have felt if it were another woman?

In our discussions of whats ok and not ok, DP said he wouldn't have a problem if i had sex with another woman, my face was Hmm. I guess that means he would be able to shag another man by that virtue then? Not acceptable.

Although do you think he was just showing off somewhat?

Fatrascals · 01/11/2015 10:04

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

Seeyounearertime · 01/11/2015 10:04

I'd take exception tonthe point he carried on after you got upset.
If the first kiss was a joke, fine, but to carry on knowing you were unhappy? That's not fine. That says you're feelings and opinions matter less than a joke with a random.

Tomboyinatutu · 01/11/2015 10:06

If he can do that in front of you what is he doing behind your back...

TiggyD · 01/11/2015 10:07

And at the moment he's going to be on his best behaviour!

AlwaysHope1 · 01/11/2015 10:08

Yuck, he cheated in front of you and has the arrogance to make you think the problem is you. Don't be a fool and stick with this loser. A good man would not do that.

Cabrinha · 01/11/2015 10:09
  • he's newish so you shouldn't mean the world to him - red flag right there for insincerity and overblown crap
  • he kissed someone else - that's an absolute NO in any relationship where that hasn't been discussed as acceptable
  • he did it in front of you - I hesitate to call utter disrespect cos it's hardly respectful to do it behind your back! But it does signal an extra later of not giving a fuck about you
  • he ignored your obvious upset
  • he's now blaming you

I absolutely do not understand why you haven't dumped him. If this doesn't cross your boundaries then your next date should be with a therapist - and I don't mean that unkindly.

Cabrinha · 01/11/2015 10:10

Oh and I forgot - he snogged the bloke, then told the bloke to go away when he tried again. So he also potentially is a cunt for dicking him about and using him too.

This guy is just an ARSEHOLE.

forumdonkey · 01/11/2015 10:11

Ultimately what he did was disrespectful to you. It's nothing to do with gender but to kiss someone publicly in front of you is just disrespectful

summerwinterton · 01/11/2015 10:12

who cares what he thinks? Are you going to dump him?

DurhamDurham · 01/11/2015 10:13

Run as fast as you can, what an arse. If he cannot understand why you are upset he is emotionally deficient.

Let him play his silly games with someone else.

category12 · 01/11/2015 10:14

How newish is newish?

MrsMolesworth · 01/11/2015 10:22

Your feelings don't matter to him. If you dare to have feelings you're told you're overreacting. Get rid of him. When men do this early on in a relationship they are doormat testing, to see how much shit a woman will take. Take none. (The fact you won't take any will massively raise your status in his eyes and he'll go overboard to win you back then doormat test you again. Don't fall for it.)

ChiefInspectorBarnaby · 01/11/2015 11:16

Hopefully you've dumped him by now.

ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 01/11/2015 12:07

Dump him on the spot. No conversation. No explanation. No justification.

Not because he snogged a man, but because he snogged someone else.

Wristy · 01/11/2015 19:23

I had this back when I was younger. My newish (fuck up) fella just went right ahead and got off with some random girl in a nightclub- it was his birthday!
I left on the spot, deleted his number and didn't give much of a second thought. He really doesn't think the world if you if that's how he behaves.

AnyFucker · 01/11/2015 19:26

You would be a mug to stay with this guy

Attention-seeking twat who likes to headfuck people

Far too much shit going on there

Potatoface2 · 01/11/2015 20:46

is he bisexual then....has he told you he is and are you okay with that....that would be one issue ......and if he is then its cheating and not a joke/laugh/funny..or whatever he called it.....get rid pronto!

RiceCrispieTreats · 01/11/2015 21:35

I have tried explaining that I now cannot trust him.

Why do you need to explain it to him? You know you don't trust him. That is all you need.

Don't date a man you don't trust.

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 02/11/2015 02:12

He is giving you the "stupid" test. He wants you to doubt your own mind...with the goal result of haveing no boundaries regarding his behavior.

No. It is not ok. Dump. He can tell his explanations to the next one.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 02/11/2015 02:27

Sounds almost like the start of gaslighting to me. "No, it wasn't a big deal" "stop being so sensitive" "you're wrong, I didn't enjoy it"

Etc

Phoenix69 · 02/11/2015 06:19

This one is easy - bin him. Doesn't matter male/female - he's snogging in front of you. What is he doing behind your back?

Snogging someone else right in front of you? If I was you I would have dumped him right there. Don't need people like that in your life. Aren't you worth more?