newish man snogging an unknown man in a club

[captainBeaky]

He thinks I shouldn't be bothered by this at all, even though he did it right in front of me. The whole situation was instigated by the other man, but my oh seemed to enjoy it. It started out kind of jokey until I tapped his arm to stop now but he continued. He says he liked the attention. I'm not feeling that I can trust him at all right now. He assures me that he adores me but I actually do not know what to think. Opinions gratefully received

Do you think you would've reacted differently if your/his friends were there and saw?
I only ask because when it happened to me his mates were there too. One of them even thought I must be up for a snog too if that's how he behaved!
I was absolutely horrified and bloody embarrassed too, I made my mind up there and then that no one who honestly cares about you would treat you that way and I deserved better.
Mine had low self esteem too, he needed my 'help' to feel better about himself after a bad breakup. Life is just too short.

Sorry just read your update. He has low self esteem? So he's going drag yours down with it? He's an arse and showing him this thread will only go to serve his attention seeking behaviour.

If you like drama stick around, but if you want a simple life then ditch him. He sounds like a complete nightmare.

No offence but no straight man I know would snog the face of another man.

He cheated on you, right in front of your face. If he thinks its ok to kiss a man, why wouldn't he have sex with one? in his head as long as its not a woman his not cheating...

Crocodile tears. Can't you see that the "remorse" is a scripted tactic just to keep your strings attached? Don't believe it. He is not sincere.

He is playing your goodness and kindness and niceness against you here. And laughing at you all the while.

You don't know what to do? Is this because you don't want anyone to think you are a bitch? You are/ would be dumping him based on his behavior . There is nothing here for you to feel guilty about.

Dumping him based on his behavior is you protecting yourself from STI s for one thing, and the future very serious mental health problems of depression you will undoubtedly suffer if you stay with him.

If you stay, go ahead and line up individual counseling - with a psychotherapist - so you can debrief all of this head fucking "post-modern" bullshit in the moment with a professional.

The relationships board is full of tales of straight men snogging\ shagging other women - each one of them follows the stupidity, regret, remorse, promises script afterwards.

If his excuse is acting on this was a boost to his low self esteem, you do realise that anytime anyone shows an interest, his inclination is to chase that external validation? Which bodes not at all well for monogamy.

Was the other man gay?

Get rid. He sounds like big trouble.

Not bi? My arse! Either gay,bi or Russell Brand.Which ever he's very disrespectful and as AF says with a very ugly side.Good luck making your decision,after 8 months it can't be easy.

If this doesn't cross your boundaries then your next date should be with a therapist

This

You've spent 8 months trying to make him feel good and in that one 'ego boost' he has shown you that it isn't enough for him to be happy, and if it isn't enough early doors when you're in the first flushes of fancying each other then it sure as hell won't be further down the line. Sorry op.

Put it another way, if your sister or best friend told you, their oh did this in night club in front of them, what advice would you give them.
Also, due to his low self esteem what if he behaved like this at a family occasion in front of your family, would he still get away with an apology. If you stay with him, he will always be hard work, you can never trust the way he will react with people.

Op, he is a headfucker. He is enjoying your turmoil. He is cranking it up with the remorseful act. No guy who was in love with you would ever think of snogging the face off some strange man in a club.

He would be too busy snogging you.

This man gets off on wrecking your head and playing off your emotions.

Nuff said. This is not love.

of course he is remorseful. he wants to keep you hanging on. he kissed someone else in front of you. very poor judgement. there is no good reason. post modern my arse.