So what are the chances of meeting a life partner at 45 ?

[darlingish]

In a nutshell met ex h at 18 and was married at 19 , had 4 dc and now at 45 I'm single !
Been separated 18 mths and started divorce proceedings.
Was very unhappy for many years and am blessed to be free now .
Met a lovely man in the spring and had my first romance and although I love him to bits and vice versa it cannot last for many reasons .
Wrong time wrong place .
When he leaves which he will early next year we will be friends for life and may well come back together one day but certainly for the next 5 years he will be on the other side of the world .
So ... I have 4 dc, 2 at home still .
I have a a demanding job .
No family support so very busy , ie up at 6 and don't stop until 11 every day as ex rarely sees his dc.
I do know that I need to be happy on my own and not rely on a man to make me happy , so that a future relationship will enhance my life not be the sole making of it iykwim.
Kind of feel like the next ten years is my time to get happy , enjoy life and my dc and do the dating I never did in my youth .
I read on the internet that apparently a woman finding a life partner in her mid forties is more likely to be killed in an accident !
It's made me think OMG .
I know it's ok to be single but after the summer romance I've had with my lovely man friend I would so love to share the rest of my life with the right person ( pref him but hey ho ) .

So what are the odds ?
Is it really that bad out there ?

Ended 20 odd year relationship at 48.
Met 41yo some time later in a pub. He was already going to Australia for 6 months. He kept in touch. Met up on his return. Told him I had met someone, current partner.
Inbetween had a short, get back in the saddle dalliance on OD. 53yo cuntcharmer. Ditched him. He still contacts me occasionally. Can't take a hint that one.
Been with current bloke, also 51, nearly 3 years.

So a big yes you can from me

There's superficiality on both sides.

There is. But my frustration is that I only seem to meet these men.

The point is why do men only want so much younger women?

I have a friend who is 28. He's lovely and single and attractive. But I don't fancy him in the slightest. I do have a "if he were 10yrs older..." thing. But at 12 yrs younger, he's at a completely different stage of life to me. We wouldn't be compatible, despite actually being quite similar and having similar interests (hence being friends!!)

My long term ex has remarried. I think she is a few years older than him. Moved from the states to be with him.

I am sure there are plenty of men who are after younger woman. Plenty that aren't......

There's probably a lot of decent well adjusted middle aged single people out there that aren't even looking for a partner because they are happy with their life just as it is.

I got together with dh at 49. Vaguely knew him earlier through work but lost touch for several years. Just bumped into each other and the timing was right.

My best friend also met her current husband at 53.
I agree thought it's a smallish target market, but there are some good men out there who aren't interested in women much younger than them and just want their home life to be settled and happy.

That was me Manmade. Well maybe not well adjusted

I have seen a number of these threads on MN, so a while back I asked my single mates for their view (they are late 40's, early 50's years old).

As. FYI - They are all fit, not overweight and basically still act as if they are in their twenties (go to pop concerts etc). As a general response they said late 40/early 50's women are "too old" for them. When pressed this generally meant, not slim, fit and don't act like a 30 year old. Obviously this was not a scientific study.

I wasn't looking for a life partner or a man in their 20s.
Been there done that.......
Acting as if in their 20s. Yawn

Interesting you say that MrM, I fid men in their late 40s/early 50s to be "too old" for me.

I often get mistaken for mid 30s. I have a professional career and a number of creative hobbies, I go to festivals and drink real ale, I don't watch soaps or reality tv and I go backpacking/youth hostelling with friends. We are all (men and women) quite 'youthful'.

I'm not immature, I'm just the 40year old version of the 20yo and the 30yo I was.

I'm probably not your friends' cup of tea and they don't sound like mine (never been to a 'pop' concert), but am I really destined to date old men based on no more than my date of birth?

More likely for you meeting someone at 45. I am 33 and gay and never managed to find anyone remotely relationship material and ive given up. Men are bastards particularly gay guys.

ThisIsStllSingleGirl any reason you keep calling me MrM?

You sound similar to my friends re: being the same today as 20 years ago. Obviously some differences, youth hosteling / ale drinking they don't do.

I referred to pop concerts as in "popular culture", I thought if I only put concerts people may think "classical". They go to all the major festivals and go and see bands every week/ couple of weeks.

Personally, at 45 I wouldn't bother.

Too much like hard work.

Some men will always try for the younger woman. Some. Most I should imagine just meet and click, age is or becomes immaterial. In RL anyhow.

OD is a whole different ball game.

any reason you keep calling meMrM?

Oops no sorry! No reason at all other thsn I'm on my phone and not paying attention properly.

Reading with interest others thoughts. I,m too embarrassed to explain my life thus far now in my 50th year, kind of given up chasing the dream relationship, i just let it flow and if It happens that s a bonus. I,m not a liar,cheat. I dont judge people. Have a longing for a stable home life which i,ve been lacking.

"I read on the internet that apparently a woman finding a life partner in her mid forties is more likely to be killed in an accident !"

I agree with PP. I'm pretty sure that was a made up stat on When Harry Met Sally or SATC. Ignore it. If you meet someone it will be down to a combination of luck, geography, your attitude and a lot bit more luck.

DrMorbius I'm female, mid 40s, slim, fit, attractive. My experience has been that men in their 40s don't look at me when I'm OLD. I don't act like I'm 30 - why would I? I just am me, and do what I want to do, more or less regardless of age. I don't go clubbing the way I did in my 20s. I don't go to concerts either but then I never really did. That's just me. I haven't really changed size in the past 25 years and yet it seems that many men will dismiss me just because of my age.

IRL I find men in their 30s and even 20s are interested in me. I think they don't always realise how much older I am or, having seen me, don't care. But I avoid those 40 something men who state in their profiles that they're interested in women who are 20s/ 30s and no older. Why would I be interested in ageist bellends?

Lol @ageist Bellends!

Listen, if they can get away with it and it's their preference. Fair play to them I say. I just think about that episode from SATC when Sam dates the older guy and he has the saggy ass! Why oh why would you want to be with someone so much younger. Surely you're just counting down the days until they wake up and think 'oh my god I'm with an old man' and scarper!

I'd say chances are good. You know what you want at 45. Just have to find a way of getting it.

I met the love of my life just shy of my 44th birthday. He's 7 years younger than me and we adore each other. He's childfree by choice - I have grown up children - and a thoroughly good, kind decent man who makes me laugh and feel loved every minute.

"if they can get away with it and it's their preference. Fair play to them I say"

If there were fewer of them, I'd agree. The depressing thing is going through profile after profile in which men my age state they want someone younger. If they want kids, fair enough, but if they don't, then why limit themselves in that way?

There are men in their 50s who will state that they want a woman who is, say 35-45. I fit in that bracket but why would I be interested in them? I might be interested in someone who's 50-something but if they only want someone younger I can't be bothered. And besides, some of them look like the hairy bikers' uglier older brother. I'd rather stay single.

Gabilan I'm not even going to try OLD once my divorce is done and dusted based on what I keep reading on here! Nothing wrong with being single!

Your posts are highly entertaining!

"Why oh why would you want to be with someone so much younger."

Kidney donor? Younger people probably have fresher internal organs.

albal14 "Have a longing for a stable home life which i,ve been lacking."

This is actually a major reason why I opt to stay single - a stable home life!

Met my now DH when I was 44 - so just under your threshold. He is as close to perfect as is possible and I do think I am very lucky. He is 10 years younger, had never married, no kids, solvent. Met him via OLD.