Red I kind of agree with you. Especially that if you are negative you are only going to attractive negative experiences. I completely agree with this.
However, when I first embarked on a newly single life 3 years ago, I was quite excited about the possibilities it might (eventually) bring.
I lost a little weight which improved my confidence, completed personal challenges, had an image overhaul and now I completely look like myself. Iykwim. I have hobbies, children, a social life. Despite how I might come across on here at times, I'm ok.
On paper, I am a much more attractive proposition than I have ever been at any point in my life previously in many ways. And I know what I want and what my dealbreakers are. In many areas of life.
I dated, for the first time ever. I have surrounded myself with positive, happy people and cut out people who are negative. My exh and I have a good co-parenting relationship. I am still dealing with issues from my upbringing, but, on the whole, I am much improved and entered the world of dating with optimism.
I even genuinely accepted (and began to believe) that men found confidence, positivity, optimism, an independent woman with her own interests more attractive than looks/age/dress size and lived/behaved accordingly.
However, my personal, actual, lived experience in the last 3 years has shattered all of that.
I don't meet single men who are interested in 40yr old women in rl, so I tried OD. I met a number of men from different backgrounds, deliberately stepping outside of my comfort zone (in case it was the men i was choosing), and I was genuinely shocked.
When I have dated men around my age, it has fallen down either because they have fallen foul of a deal breaker (eg sexist/racist/homophobic attitudes) or, when this hasn't been the case and it's gone further, time has exposed that they really want someone much younger. Me, but a younger version of me.
I haven't really given up hope, but I don't have much left.