Is he playing me?

[Deboroarh]

Hi all a new is here on the hunt for some advice.

Ok I've recently started seeing someone who I met on pof. He comes across as a lovely decent guy who is understanding of me wanting to keep my children separate from my love life and how that limits any time I see him. We chat on Skype every night and he is sweet and funny (perfect eh!?) and everytime I talk to him I think how nice he is. So due to my children only spending alternate weekends with their dad I only see him then he stays over and Ye once again is lovely but usually leaves late morning blaming tiredness or needing to prepare for work the next day. He chats and messages all day and we Skype at night as usual. Ok back story done
On Saturday night I saw a whatsapp message he'd sent to his friend saying he couldn't go watch football because he was in my house his mate asked who I was he said "some bird I'm banging"
So basically what do you guys think just boys talk or is he a d**k who gets his leg over then goes home. My free time is v precious I don't want to spend it on a fool

This depends - how long have you been seeing each other? Have you met his friends and family? This could be an unattractive side which he is hiding... Not my cuppa personally but I also know that sometimes people don't like to admit how much they like someone outside of the relationship. It could be immaturity, macho bullshit, shyness.

Do you do anything together other than shag every other weekend? And I mean activities, not the Skyping.

I don't think you can read much into a man being dismissive of a relationship status in the way he talks to his mates particularly in the early stages for all kinds of reasons. Not wanting to ramp up something that is uncertain, privacy, not wanting to appear un-macho.

But I do think you can read a lot into the way he has chosen to express that -"some bird I'm banging" - is derogatory and says alot about how he views women. I wouldn't have dated a man who talked about me like that - but I HATE men who call women "birds" anyway.

Have you two defined your relationship?

My first thought was that he is slightly crass but otherwise I wouldn't get my panties in a bunch over it. However, on further reflection, depending on his age, that kind of talk may reflect a rather unappealing worldview.

Only been seeing each other about 6/7 weeks. We only see eachother when my kids aren't here but we go out do ordinary coupley things walking, meals out DVD or cinema . He's helped with stuff in the house and I'm almost sure he's a good guy, I haven't met any of his friends or family but he hasn't met mine either but he will and he says he wants me to meet his too he has a little girl so obviously not her until we are definite. My head says he's nice but it's such a yuk way of putting it and like you all say so disrespectful of me its put me off a bit

Just boys' talk ? How is that different from being a dick? It was dismissive and derogatory.

Yes he's playing you. You are 'just some bird he's banging'. Otherwise he would want to spend a proper day with you - going out, chilling, going for a walk, shopping, etc etc.

Can't believe the previous responses.

Some bird, o bangin

Jesus Christ, lose him and don't look back, what am arsehole!
If you had even only slept with him once, I would say the same thing. Talk about utter disrespect!

You are 100% right that was derogatory

Yuk

Some people have very low expectations. It's not something I'd be happy with.

Bloody hell there is no way he would be continuing to bang this bird in your position. Fucking Hell!

I'd run, not walk.

It's derogatory, it's dismissive. If he's just trying to act like a 'geezer' to his mates then you can add sheep to the list too.

Also, 6-7 weeks in then his mates should know he's dating or at least your name. So add chicken-shit after sheep.

At least he was "banging a bird" in preference to going to football. Though, I personally, have an aversion to people describing women as "birds".
Has he described other women as such in general conversation? It's the general attitude to women that the term conveys that is more the worry. I would not necessarily take it personally, but he needs to be pulled up on it if he uses the term generally.
Proceed with caution and be sure of his sincerity before getting serious I think.

he wouldn't be banging me any more. tell him to send another text, that bird won't bang me any more'

Did you go through his phone?

He doesn't like women much.

I'm going to ask him about it see what he says if it was "banter" then it's yuk but I can deal with it I'm not going to be horrified but if he thinks this is a fk buddy type of thing then bye bye
No I didn't go through his phone that's gross he opened the message right in front of me

I hate banter.

If anyone referred to me - in any circumstances - as 'some bird I'm banging', I'd be leaving smoking rubber on the road.

He opened that message in front of you and you're still going to see him again?

Maybe I'm too thick skinned I can deal with it if it's just boy talk. I've only got a problem if it's how he really feels.

But he's talking like that about you to other guys. Get some self respect!

I've been through a lot and would never let anyone put me down again. However banterish it was.

He'll only say 'I was joking' and he's not going to admit that he's just using you!

Banter. Ah, banter. It was only banter. The modern-day excuse for acting like a cunt or a bully (and whiningly refusing to be called on your behaviour).

Once upon a time, that word meant a flow of witty and amusing remarks amongst friends. 'Some bird I'm banging' definitely doesn't qualify as witty or amusing.

Don't demean yourself trying to be the 'cool girlfriend' who thinks it's oh-so-21st-century to be talked to/about like a piece of meat.