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Original poster

Is he playing me?

112 replies

Deboroarh · 12/10/2015 16:03

Hi all a new is here on the hunt for some advice.

Ok I've recently started seeing someone who I met on pof. He comes across as a lovely decent guy who is understanding of me wanting to keep my children separate from my love life and how that limits any time I see him. We chat on Skype every night and he is sweet and funny (perfect eh!?) and everytime I talk to him I think how nice he is. So due to my children only spending alternate weekends with their dad I only see him then he stays over and Ye once again is lovely but usually leaves late morning blaming tiredness or needing to prepare for work the next day. He chats and messages all day and we Skype at night as usual. Ok back story done
On Saturday night I saw a whatsapp message he'd sent to his friend saying he couldn't go watch football because he was in my house his mate asked who I was he said "some bird I'm banging" Confused
So basically what do you guys think just boys talk or is he a d**k who gets his leg over then goes home. My free time is v precious I don't want to spend it on a fool

OP posts:
arsenaltilidie · 13/10/2015 13:13

In the context of: boys I'm not coming out, I'm staying in at Debroah's house.

"Just a chick from POF" is no different to "Some bird I'm banging".

They both mean I'm shagging a girl, this girl could be anyone willing to shag me.
That is not how you speak about someone you see a future with.

PosterEh · 13/10/2015 13:23

They can be different and still both bad.

DrMorbius · 13/10/2015 13:23

How is "some bird im banging" any different to "Just a chick from pof who said there was any difference. Its not a race to the bottom!!

Most men tend to be crass about their casual relationships No I am not having that!!

Chattycatty · 13/10/2015 13:34

I spoke to him before I even started telling him how I felt he interrupted me and said he was sorry and he knew it was disrespectful of me that he'd been caught off guard by his friend asking who I was. He said he doesn't think of me like that but didn't think when he answered. He said he didn't know what our relationship is he wants it to be a serious relationship but he knows I'm tentative due to my children.He seems truely sorry and I'm prepared to believe him. I'm sure you will all think I'm a fool but although I'm trusting I'll watch and be more on guard for any other yuk factors.

wiltingfast · 13/10/2015 13:35

It's a nasty enough comment to be honest. And OP he's not going to tell you if it is how he really FEELS is he?

How did he react when you saw it?

Really OP you deserve a guy who's honestly mad about you. They are out there you know, don't waste time on this one.

cozietoesie · 13/10/2015 13:43

I assume that that's you on an NC, OP.

...but didn't think when he answered...

And there you have it, I think. It was an automatic reaction.

So what does that say about him?

DrMorbius · 13/10/2015 13:52

And there you have it, I think. It was an automatic reaction Totally agree with this ^^.
Its obviously in his vocabulary to call women some bird I'm banging

He seems truly sorry of course he is sorry, he nearly had to stop banging you and legging it early next morning

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 13/10/2015 13:54

He said he doesn't think of me like that but didn't think when he answered.

IMO this tells you quite a lot about him, I'm afraid, but it's obviously your choice.

morecoffeethanhuman · 13/10/2015 14:31

Just a chick off pof is bad - I would then take it as they meant it wasn't any one special. It was the worst example I could give off a "normal" guy
No one special but hardly derogatory. No need to talk about what your doing! My point was that even if the op's kind of bf wasn't feeling a relationship status, and spoke as "one of the lads" the some chick I'm banging" is still too far.

MoriartyIsMyAngel · 13/10/2015 14:40

Up to you of course OP.

If I were you, I'd see what he's like in the actual company of his friends, sooner rather than later. See if he's capable of treating you like a human being with 'the lads' around. See if they're capable of it too.

WhereYouLeftIt · 13/10/2015 14:46

"he knew it was disrespectful of me that he'd been caught off guard by his friend asking who I was. He said he doesn't think of me like that but didn't think when he answered."

Please OP, seriously think about that answer. The nub of it is that 'he didn't think'. When I open my gob before thinking, what comes out is tactless and crass - but it will encapsulate my true feelings about it. If I do think about it, I can water it down, be more tactful, sugar it a bit etc. 'Not thinking about it' means you say the plain unvarnished version; not that you say something you don't feel Sad.

You've only been seeing this bloke for six/seven weeks. I'd be loathe to stretch it to eight. Unless of course, you don't see him as a relationship either, and he's just some dickhead you're banging.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 13/10/2015 14:52

You e been seeing him for 6/7 weeks, but can only see him on alternate weekends? So you've only seen him 3 times?

DrMorbius · 13/10/2015 14:58

I'm prepared to believe him. I'm sure you will all think I'm a fool Yes

although I'm trusting I'll watch and be more on guard for any other yuk factors

Can I suggest that in future you ask him to tell you when he is about to be grossly offensive about you. Then you can put your fingers in your ears and chant lalalalal until he is finished.

honeyroar · 13/10/2015 15:20

I'd want to meet his friends and family at this point if he's saying he wants it to be a relationship. I'd expect him to introduce me as though I was a princess! I'd also be watching him like a hawk for another red flag. All of which is not normal in a good relationship.. But it's your life, your man, your decision. Good luck.

Hissy · 13/10/2015 16:40

Wow. Just wow.

You must REALLY need not to be single OP.

Is this really all you are worth?

This is the saddest thing I've read for a long time.

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 13/10/2015 16:59

I don't think you're a fool. But you obviously have very low standards for yourself which is a shame.
You deserve better. He shouldn't speak about someone he wants a future with that way.
He shouldn't speak about anyone that way.

AnyFucker · 13/10/2015 17:52

Well, I think you are a fool to think this could be ok

It's how people act when they are caught off guard that shows the true colours. Good luck with this bloke who talks about you like you are shit. Nothing could go wrong there.

toastedbeagle · 13/10/2015 18:11

By 6/7 weeks in after I met my DH (in a bar, not online), he had taken me on holiday to Italy and planned to propose and was telling the world that I was "the one". If he'd refers to me as "some bird I'm banging" I'd have never seen him again, let alone waited for an explanation.

I just pulled up what he wrote about me 3 days after we met (to a friend on Facebook - 2007 now)... Describes me as witty, intelligent, dreamy and hot, and says he is as giddy as a schoolboy.
I'd be holding out for a guy who sees you as this! He was being rather generous but they do exist xx

cozietoesie · 13/10/2015 18:13

I would reckon that it won't last much longer now that you've (after a fashion) called him on his attitude. (There is just the possibility that you coud have transformed yourself into an appealing Mummy figure by all of this but I'm keeping my fingers crossed.)

Whatever you do, though, do not become pregnant by this man.

Jan45 · 13/10/2015 18:14

Believe what, that he's a disrespectful twat and thinks you're nothing but a hole?

The crap some folk on here put up with is astounding, are women so desperate for male attention they close their ears and eyes to contempt, apparently so.

OP, maybe harsh but seriously keep your cunt radar on full, he's bound to slip up again, very soon.

SionnachDana · 13/10/2015 18:16

Yes, I wouldn't be optimistic enough to meet somebody who wanted to marry me for the right reasons, who I wanted to marry so not every man I'd date would have to be so vociferously singing my praises to his friends but if he said anything disrespectful that would be IT. OP, don't be a free prostitute.

Chattycatty · 13/10/2015 18:16

We spoke again today it's done I don't believe him it's over.

cozietoesie · 13/10/2015 18:17

Thank Goodness. Well done.

AnyFucker · 13/10/2015 18:45

That's sounds great, op, but why don't I believe you ? Sad

cozietoesie · 13/10/2015 18:52

Saying it opens up the possibility, AF. Keep your fingers crossed.