Is he playing me?

[Deboroarh]

Hi all a new is here on the hunt for some advice.

Ok I've recently started seeing someone who I met on pof. He comes across as a lovely decent guy who is understanding of me wanting to keep my children separate from my love life and how that limits any time I see him. We chat on Skype every night and he is sweet and funny (perfect eh!?) and everytime I talk to him I think how nice he is. So due to my children only spending alternate weekends with their dad I only see him then he stays over and Ye once again is lovely but usually leaves late morning blaming tiredness or needing to prepare for work the next day. He chats and messages all day and we Skype at night as usual. Ok back story done
On Saturday night I saw a whatsapp message he'd sent to his friend saying he couldn't go watch football because he was in my house his mate asked who I was he said "some bird I'm banging"
So basically what do you guys think just boys talk or is he a d**k who gets his leg over then goes home. My free time is v precious I don't want to spend it on a fool

I would be very hurt by that.

I know some men talk differently with each other than they do in their partner's earshot but even so, that is such a sexist and disrespectful thing to say.

I'm going to ask him about it see what he says if it was "banter"

That the funniest comment I've seen today

Have a long hard think about other aspects of his behaviour, OP. I think there's every likelihood that you're just not noticing other things because of the novelty and excitement of a new 'relationship'.

When you first started seeing him did he say what his intentions were?

Unless he is 12 years old then I guarantee you he thinks nothing of you other than a bang, I bet he never takes you out or shows you off?

Vile and immature in the extreme, be enough for me to call it quits.

Does he ever take you out for a cheeky Nando's?

Someone who likes you would want to tell his friends about you, surely? Not brush you off as just a shag, and type it in front of you. He's made it totally clear how he feels. Now it's up to you, you've had a warning..

Says it all doesn't it?
Men aren't like this separate species to us...it's not like they communicate in a different way to us whereby "some bird I'm banging" is mancode for 'my new girlfriend'.

If he says you're some bird he's banging, then that's what you are to him. Some bird...and he's banging you.

He'd have been out of my door faster than his feet could carry him. Fucking cretin.

I am sure there is some handmaiden somewhere who will tell me I am deluded, but I am 100% sure my H has never and would never talk about women in this way.

You have heard the comment on MN about "when someone tells you who they are..." right??? He's telling you who he is. A crass player that thinks of you only as the "bird he is banging."

I guess now you need to decide if that's what you want to be. Hopefully you have more self-respect.

As for 'banter'....

Urgh gross. Cant believe you aren't arsed about him referring to you in such a way!!! You say you have dc. Would you like your son talking about another woman in this way, or your daughter being referred to in these terms? And banter!! Banter definition: used by morons to insult others under the guise of a jovial exchange, but which in fact make the 'bantersauras' look like a right twat.

He's a dick who is banging a bird. How charming. Not.

Not even " I seeing my new gf, so sorry, I have to give it a miss tonight"

Continue to see him if you enjoy the details of your sex life and colour/ size of your pants bandied about down the pub and with his mates.

He's not going to come clean if that's how he really feels. Because newsflash, if you are just a bird he's banging, he'd probably prefer to continue doing just that for the time being.

This is one of those cases where you have to see how you feel about him using those words/ that sort of language and whether that makes it a deal breaker. The fact that he wrote it in front of you makes me think he doesn't think it's a big deal.

One warning, if you continue seeing him then don't expect this side of him to change.

what pictish said

So he knows you saw it?

Debo

This isn't a partnership where you might be trying to make the best of things after finding out some unpleasant truths. It's not even a long relationship. Best to just end it now before it becomes anything more.

'Boy talk'?! Christ sake OP that's just so far beneath what a man (note he is a man not a boy) should be.

It wasn't banter. He clearly thinks you're someone for sex and nothing else.

He doesn't have much respect for you or women does he.

To put this in perspective, my bf seemed to mention me to everyone in his life within a couple of weeks of meeting. His mum his sisters, his boss..It was quite embarrassing!
I think he was quite excited to be going out with me ( and my child free time is very limited, no every other weekend here).
I'm not being a cah. Just pointing out that if a man likes you he will tell people about you, he will refer to you by name, he will call you his girlfriend.
And the comment about the squealing tyres and burning rubber. That.
Sorry you got hurt and taken in, and that is not your fault at all-he acted like he was into you, and wasn't a twat, but best to know the truth now.

If I saw a bloke had written that about me, he would be out the door. He could have phrased it in a load of different ways that still imply a casual arrangement but are less disrespectful e.g Q: Who's Deb? A: Just someone I'm seeing through pof
Same answer, less of a wanker.

I would definitely think less of him after seeing what he actually wrote.

I think even fuck buddies would be a massive improvement. At least that way he would be suggesting you were an active participant.

Even "the woman I'm seeing" would have been fine. OP not all men have so little disregard for women. It's not a 'man thing' - it's a revolting knob-end thing.

That should read so much disregard...or...so little regard...doh.

EDIT FAFUCKINGCILTY NOW!

PLEASE!