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Relationships

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Original poster

Is he playing me?

112 replies

Deboroarh · 12/10/2015 16:03

Hi all a new is here on the hunt for some advice.

Ok I've recently started seeing someone who I met on pof. He comes across as a lovely decent guy who is understanding of me wanting to keep my children separate from my love life and how that limits any time I see him. We chat on Skype every night and he is sweet and funny (perfect eh!?) and everytime I talk to him I think how nice he is. So due to my children only spending alternate weekends with their dad I only see him then he stays over and Ye once again is lovely but usually leaves late morning blaming tiredness or needing to prepare for work the next day. He chats and messages all day and we Skype at night as usual. Ok back story done
On Saturday night I saw a whatsapp message he'd sent to his friend saying he couldn't go watch football because he was in my house his mate asked who I was he said "some bird I'm banging"
So basically what do you guys think just boys talk or is he a d**k who gets his leg over then goes home. My free time is v precious I don't want to spend it on a fool

OP posts:

iamanintrovert · 13/10/2015 04:06

Yes you are being played.

daisychain01 · 13/10/2015 04:48

Bin him, it can only get worse

diggerdigsdogs · 13/10/2015 05:07

I proper lol'd at "did he take you for a cheeky nandos"

NorksAreMessy · 13/10/2015 05:22

Nasty, disrespectful, unkind :(

SanityClause · 13/10/2015 06:07

Banter? Isn't that what used to be called "white men telling rape jokes"?

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 13/10/2015 06:22

You're not even the bird he's banging. You're some bird. Meaning you could be any of the birds he's banging or hoping to bang.

wannaBe · 13/10/2015 06:34

if that was considered accepted boys talk I think I would probably have remained celibate for ever. Except it isn't - decent men don't refer to women in such a derogatory manner. least of all women who they're supposed to like and be developing a relationship with.

Even if this is still a new and casual thing for him and he's not ready to talk about you yet, there are ways to phrase that which aren't so derogatory and disrespectful.

But I must say that I would have challenged it then and there.

Penfold007 · 13/10/2015 06:47

Six weeks of seeing a guy every other weekend, your checking his messages and he's banging some bird. Dump him.

JollyGolightly · 13/10/2015 07:09

Of course he'll say it was boys' talk or "banter" if you ask him! (hate the way both those terms are used to excuse disrespectful behaviour by men). You can decide on your position before giving him a chance to make excuses.

Hissy · 13/10/2015 07:20

So what's it "cost" him to "bang" you? What has it taken for him to gain your trust? Let him into your home?

He's used Skype every day as a short cut to a bang. In only a few weeks he's faked the intimacy needed to get his dick wet.

And he doesn't even care enough not to hide his either woeful stupidity or hideous contempt?

Referring to you in this way is not banter, it is him being a wanker.

Dump him immediately, no excuse, reason explanation.

If you feel so inclined to explain yourself, merely say "ask your mate"

I would say that he is a monumental cunt, but he lacks the depth and warmth.

DrMorbius · 13/10/2015 07:27

Jolly hate the way both those terms are used to excuse disrespectful behaviour by men.

I don't think anyone (including men) think these terms are used to excuse disrespectful behavior per se.

Sound's like Op's "friend" is not looking for an excuse. He is quite clear in his thoughts on Op. She is just some bird he is banging, no more no less.

Hissy · 13/10/2015 07:27

If I EVER heard my son talking about women like that I'd be horrified, and he'd definitely know about it.

He's raising a girl? Ew. Poor her.

I wouldn't want any bloke who thought it was remotely acceptable to say such vile shit about women anywhere near my children.

Think on. A man who holds views like this is not one you want involved in your children's lives ever.

There is no future at all in this relationship. End it now. Today. And block him.

RiceCrispieTreats · 13/10/2015 07:38

I don't think the "boy's talk" excuse is valid. You can tell a lot about a person by the company they keep.

Do you want to be with a man who prefers bravado than sincerity in his human relations?
Do you want to be with a man who chooses the kind of friends that he feels he can't be himself with?
Do you want to be with a man who uses you as the butt of dismissive talk?

ptumbi · 13/10/2015 07:46

obsidian - You're not even the bird he's banging. You're some bird. Meaning you could be any of the birds he's banging or hoping to bang.

Not even some bird, OP - you are just some bird he's banging.

He be out.

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 13/10/2015 07:52

Ugh, yuck.
I would have nothing to do with anyone who spoke like this, irrespective of whether or not it was 'banter' or 'boys talk'.

Notahappybunny76 · 13/10/2015 08:05

I wouldn't stay in this relationship unless you know you are just a Fb to him and are happy with that.

TRexingInAsda · 13/10/2015 10:14

Why on earth didn't you say anything when you saw he'd written that?! Did he stay for a shag after you'd seen him write that as well? Fucking hell, that's really gross. You need to find your self esteem, it's practically an emergency.

"Some bird I'm banging" fucking hell!! Please ditch this cock immediately.

Hawest1 · 13/10/2015 10:33

Instead of bringing up the messege & coming across the untrusting type, why not talk about ur relationship? See what he has to say, if u were honestly just 'some bird' he was 'banging' he wouldn't have ditched friends/football for u, booty calls are usually a last resort kinda thing. He may not have wanted to put a label on it. Simply ask wether u r seeing eachother, 'friends with benefits', in a relationship or what. See where that convo goes.

cozietoesie · 13/10/2015 11:16

Hawest

There's an old old saying 'The heart is near the mouth' which is echoed in Matthew 15:18's 'But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart;...' and which, for me, resonates strongly with Maya Angelou's words “When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.” It seems to have long been a thought for most people that saying something reveals much about who you are deep inside.

This man said these words and I see little point in taking the 'relationship' any further. It's only lasted for 6 weeks so far. Why continue it?

pictish · 13/10/2015 11:30

He may not have wanted to put a label on it
But he did. He labelled her quite precisely as 'some bird I'm banging'.
That's the category he chose to articulate who she was.
It might have been 'the woman I'm seeing' (factual) or even 'a wee honey I met online' (bleurgh but overtones of positivity at least).
He told his mate exactly who she was.

And yuck.

morecoffeethanhuman · 13/10/2015 11:45

No, just no!
I don't offend easily, comes from having a majority of male friends - quite a few of us internet date & if any of them were trying to explain a new relationship without labelling it I would have a reply.....
Just a chick from pof
New friend
None of your business
Some chick he's banging ?!?! Come on now, you know your better than that!

cozietoesie · 13/10/2015 11:51

I was trying to judge if there was any part of his statement which wouldn't pull me up short and I think ('think') that I could probably live with the 'I'm'. That would be it, though.

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 13/10/2015 11:53

You need to find your self esteem, it's practically an emergency.

arsenaltilidie · 13/10/2015 12:50

How is "some bird im banging" any different to "Just a chick from pof" ?

Most men tend to be crass about their casual relationships.
He obviously sees you as a FWB.

PosterEh · 13/10/2015 13:00

I can think of two reasons of the top of my head:

It isn't referring to the fact they've had sex
It isn't referring to sex as something he is doing to her rather than something they are enjoying together.

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