DRY 9!!!!!

[CheesyNachos]

The DRY 8 thread suddenly came to an end! 1000 messages before we knew it.

THis is the thread for those who are abstaining and who want to abstain from alcohol. :)

All are welcome.

Previous thread is here.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2432985-DRY-8?

Sometimes my FB friends do post about how awful they feel.....laugh about how it is going to be another CBeebies day because they can't get out of bed. It's always presented as a bit of a laugh though.

I certainly don't miss those days. I used to feel such shame at weekend hangovers.

I also don't miss the checking of my phone the morning after to see if I have made any calls or texts I cannot remember.

FFS! I have been refreshing threads Im on and wondering why no one had posted

Quick post : still sober, I cant bear the thought of drinking anymore.
I loved the posts about enjoying life when sober.
I even enjoy the sad, tired ,anxious feelings in a way weirdo because Im not hiding them by numbing them down.

I felt a bit anxious about work this week and I just allowed myself to feel like that and it passed, which lead to a calmer feeling not a cycle of numbness followed by it all landing on me at once.
Not sure I explained that very well

Stay strong everyone- if you feel the urge, delay it with a fizzy drink ,chocolate or a Magnum

Have a lovely AF weekend

Pink pony
Ditto me in everything you've said
Including the refreshing the 'threads I'm on' and wondering why nobody's posting!

Fab on your 24 days Ididnt

Oh my goodness Lucy that would have freaked me out. Well done for putting down the glass.

Hope you feel better soon Sea, loads of nasty germs doing the rounds it would appear here.

Thanks for sharing Essex, awesome post.

Brilliant PinkPop, good on you!

I was just thinking that today. How nice it is not to panic check my phone the next day for call or texts I've made. The next stop is then the computer for Facebook, emails and forums. Major cringe if I have written something stupid.

My Facebook newsfeed is exactly the same every weekend, alcohol and more alcohol. Doesn't help with Northern Ireland and Ireland doing well with the football and rugby. Lots of people heading to the bar to watch the matches and drinking.

Had a very unexpected moment walking into Tesco today to do my shopping. I could just go fuck it and buy lots and lots of lovely wine moment. Luckily it passed as quickly as it came. My own dc have that horrible cold and coughing so have been up with them the past few nights. Tiredness can be a big trigger of mine I've learnt. On that note, bed time.

Hello there,

Hope you don't mind me sneaking in :) at this awful hour - I'm up late as am suffering with insomnia, not because I'm drinking that was last night - cringeworthy I think I need to confess

I'd been doing very well for about six months, I still say I was never addicted as such, as I could go a day, few days or even a week without drinking and not really think about it I could also have just one, but then on other occasions nothing could stop me, I definitely have a problem just never felt the need to drink to stop feeling rubbish from drinking the night before for me it really comes into play when I'm unhappy and sad and the last week been nearly impossible so common sense wejt out the window and it did last night, was up until 7.30am drinking and drinking and drinking - feel very cross with myself I knew it was going to happen after my first glass and I even took two taxis during the evening to get more - I drank 3 nearly 4 bottles of wine which I think is close to an all time low for me, I feel very ashamed saying that.

Woke up feeling horrendous, was horrible to DP and my Fur babies and wasted so much money - also sent very embarrassing text to my brother who wasn't really very impressed - and missed something very important

So that's why I'm here, for a bit if extra support as at the moment I can't trust myself with it - once I am less stressed I will think of next steps for now I'm just giving up for a bit and looking to replace the booze with something else - bubble bath was the choice this evening and Chinese food which is good as I don't eat when drinking

And finally the insomnia is passing :)hooray maybe k just needed to get it off chest xxxxxx thank

Welcome justget. That sounds like a marathon session and although it's tempting to think you're not addicted just because you don't drink daily, or can go for a week without, I think that's what keeps thousands of people still caught in the hook. Needing to drink daily speaks of a physical dependency - I think most people are emotionally addicted rather than physically and so that is what most of us are dealing with when we try to stop.

Well done for your six months of success recently, you know you have done it before and can do it again. I'm also going through a hideously stressful time and know alcohol does nothing but makes it worse. It is not the sticking plaster it claims to be...

Morning all, and welcome justget.

Annoyed with myself, as I drank last night. I paid for it though, as I have been up since 1am with DS2 vomiting. Poor wee scone seems to have a bug, and he is still not right. It certainly sobered me up fast, but I feel bad that I had drank at all.

So, the fight goes on.

Sober weekends to all of you.

Thanks for the welcome :)

emotional addiction is an interesting one, something to think about - I do know I have a very unhealthy relationship with alcohol at times I use it as a form of self medication/crutch an emotional escape when things get so bad I can't escape from my feelings (not to sound dramatic I feel things deeper than most and overthink terribly) so maybe that is emotional addiction. I know above all else I hate the person I become after a massive binge and that actually it becomes much much harder to deal with stuff after.

Thank you both again for welcoming me I appreciate the support actually welled up as just actually feel so relieved that someone understands!

Good luck with your personal journeys and I hope I can return the support xx

Hi everyone.

Hi Justget. Welcome to our thread. :)

Using alcohol to numb.deal with emotions is an issue I recognise very well as well.

I am collecting a substantial library of recovery books, and two I can really recommend which deal with exactly that are;

www.amazon.co.uk/Drink-Deadly-Relationship-Between-Alcohol/dp/000750358X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1445094839&sr=8-1&keywords=ann+dowsett+johnson

and

www.amazon.co.uk/Drink-Deadly-Relationship-Between-Alcohol/dp/000750358X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1445094839&sr=8-1&keywords=ann+dowsett+johnson

I think that many women use alcohol in this way. Often we have so many pressures on us regularly, but are also programmed to not ask for and demand help, in whatever form that help might need to take. We are programmed to be the helpers, not the helpees, and so we become exhausted, frustrated. There is more to it than that obviously- but that is a part of it that resonates with me.

worth reading!

How is everyone? Glad people found us! DRY 8 finished in the middle of the conversation so to speak! Bam hope DS is better.

I am okay- coming down with something... just had a 2 hour nap. DS is watching Charlie and LOla dvds and I need to clean the house..... or something.

... Oh forgot to say, we become exhausted and frustrated, so 'wine time' is the only time we are able to carve out of the day that is just for us. That is why I think alcohol gets its grip on women.... it is like a legitimate break from everything.... although actually it is the worst possible thing we could do.

Ooops.... buggered the second link. It is actually this one

www.amazon.co.uk/Eating-Drinking-Overthinking-Destructive-Relationship/dp/0749926708/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1445094871&sr=8-1&keywords=eating+drinking+overthinking

Afternoon everyone and welcome Justget from me too. The accidental booze swig doesn't seem to have caused too much of an issue (thank f*ck!). DH & I watched Fed Up on Netflix about our remaining crutch sugar and now we've decided to have another go at no sugar or processed food Eeek! The idea of no chocolate provokes the kind of anxiety I used to get about booze and the thought of it not being in my life ...... I have one small Galaxy bar left so will savour this evening :)

Thank you for the links cheesy these are great, I shall have a look through this evening :) you speak a great deal of sense, I think your completely correct it's an excuse for downtime and when I'm just exhausted I can actually have one and then move on but when everything is going "wrong" I almost forget it's alcohol and before I know it I'm slowly on that very self destructive cycle - and I don't want to go back there again.

As you may guess from the name I do rather like things like knitting which I don't do enough of so I have got our my needles and shall be doing some knitting this evening, find it rather relaxing so think this will help calm me down a bit :) plus being drunk and knitting makes for mistakes ;) i shall also be going back onto my diet as alcohol is not helpful in the battle of the monster that is my what seems to be ever increasing bottom ;)

thanks Lucy for the welcome too - how you feel about chocolate is how I feel about cheese... Oh how I love cheese :) and that's the other reason to get back on the diet!

Thanks again everyone, so glad I found this thread and have recognised that I need to get out of this "wine will help" attitude

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

One ordered via Amazon one purchase on iBooks :) thanks again for the links!!

Mmmm cheese

Pleasure!!!!

I got alot out of both those books.

mmmmmm.... chocolate. Kudos Lucy if you can dump that too!!

DH's making chocolate and walnut bread - does that count?

Hi all, welcome Justgetknitting!
Day 10 for me, and despite an incredibly low day on Fri, I'm still on the wagon, woohoo! If DH hadn't been here, I seriously would have been tempted, but re-reading this and the last thread is helping loads in those moments.
Had some friends over last night, neither are really drinkers, so it was great to do something social and just feel normal, rather than my usual of wondering when would be too soon to top my glass up again. It was a great feeling not to have that to worry about!

Hi! Can I join you please? I've lurked on some of your previous threads and the posts over the last few days have called out to me! The two books mentioned ^^ look very useful.

I'm on Day 31 which is grand, obviously, but I have been here before several times. Umpteen times I have given up alcohol for a few weeks then I have thought maybe I don't really have a problem, maybe I can drink moderately. Well I DO have a problem and I CANNOT moderate. Hiding vodka in the wardrobe isn't normal, is it?!

This time I am trying to make it stick. Some things I am doing differently this time are telling people I am not drinking, and seeking support (so far only online support from podcasts and blogs. I may need to join a real group but I'm not sure about that yet).

I used to drink normally. I never got drunk at university, and spent my early adult years as a normal drinker. I slipped into drinking after I had DC; drinking suppressed all crappy feelings, masked the domestic drudgery, and seemingly enabled me to cope with working, DC, & absent DH like Superwoman. I self-medicated with it until it became a habit and I couldn't manage a difficult event, or a happy event either, without preloading before it and over-drinking during it.

So, I want to log some positives.
My face looks better, it is less puffy and grey.
My hair has some shine again.
My mood is steadier.
Home life is more harmonious because DH and DC hate that I blot myself out by drinking and they prefer the real me, as they call it.
Following on from the above point, I am trying to be more honest. I was drinking to mask my feelings so now I am trying to "feel" my feelings. That's hard, isn't it? It's like I have been Stepford Wifeing for a long time.
I think I have lost weight (but I am not starting on a food and diet obsession because that is just another addiction imho).

I have realised that other people don't bother too much about my not drinking. I've just had a holiday with my best friend and I told her and it was fine; she drank beer like a normal person and I drank soft drinks. Yet I was worried that it would change the dynamics of our friendship and it does not. To another friend, after dithering about how to decline an invitation without looking rude, I went for honesty and said, "I'm not drinking now and going to that bar is too tricky for me at the moment" and she just said that she completely understood. I'm beginning to hope that good people are likely to be supportive and understanding, whereas I had expected mockery or judgment. That's not to say I am openly discussing it with everyone, only people I trust, but even that is a major leap for me.

Telling people I am not drinking makes it real.

I'm really quite worried about whether I can do this longterm. Last night I got very angry about "never being able to party again!" which was odd as the feelings came out of the blue, and I'm fairly introverted and not a huge party-goer anyway. So what's all that about eh? Sadness about loss really I guess. Wishing I could drink normally. Wondering whether I can enjoy celebrations sober for EVER - I have attended a wedding sober (deadly dull and endless but might not have been much better drunk), and hosted Christmas sober (quite OK actually) and done New Year's Eve sober twice (it feels like a long evening but is OK) so I CAN do it. Just the thought of sober events for ever felt a bit sad last night.

So, in short, hello fellow abstainers!

Shit. What a long post. Apologies.

Umpteen welcome and congrats on 31 days!
As for the anger last night we grieve when we stop drinking as for many of us it has been our go-to coping strategy for as long as we can remember. For me that was almost 30 years!! So we will go through the process of grief which is denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance - but not always in that order and we can flit between them too. I wrote a blog post about it in the early days of my sobriety which you can read here. Plus the addict brain likes to future trip so I try and stay in today as that is all I can control. Thank you for sharing your story too and it wasn't too long at all :)

Fartemis congrats on 10 days also! :)

Hi everyone,

I joined the bravebabes but also have been lurking on this thread and want to come out. My story is exactly as Umpteen describes

I used to drink normally. I never got drunk at university, and spent my early adult years as a normal drinker. I slipped into drinking after I had DC; drinking suppressed all crappy feelings, masked the domestic drudgery, and seemingly enabled me to cope with working, DC, & absent DH like Superwoman. I self-medicated with it until it became a habit and I couldn't manage a difficult event, or a happy event either, without preloading before it and over-drinking during it.

Couldn't have said it better. Stopped a week ago after getting embarrassingly drunk at a party (and it wasn't that kind of party)

Fartemis, my Saturday night was very like yours. We went out to dinner at a friends house - 2 other couples. Of the 6 of us, only one drank wine and he had two small glasses. Normally I'd have had 2 glasses before I left for the party and would have been anxious about how much I was drinking at the dinner/when would my glass be topped up. It was a relief in many ways for the question to simply be off the table. and I had a lovely evening, didnt worry about what I said, slept well, got up this morning feeling no guilt or worry.

*Lucy" thank you so much for the link to your blog - i really enjoyed it. blogs/books/website are keeping me going at the moment.

In the past I have felt I should stop drinking because I felt I ought to or because my husband wants me to. Now I am stopping because I think it will make my life much better so it isn't so much giving something up as taking up a better way of life. It helps that my best friend has also give up wine for similar reasons but she is several weeks ahead of me.

Thanks for this thread.

Lucy , thank you for your welcome and the link to your blog. I am finally beginning to grasp that there are millions of us out there with alcohol issues. It isn't just MY shameful secret, it's many other people's too, and it ain't so shameful actually.

Hi Melborne, I think we're fairly similar then! Your dinner party sounds good and, yes, like Fartemis said too, the relief of being free of the anxiety about the next top-up. I agree so much with this, ...it isn't so much giving something up as taking up a better way of life.