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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DRY 9!!!!!

999 replies

CheesyNachos · 11/10/2015 20:39

The DRY 8 thread suddenly came to an end! 1000 messages before we knew it.

THis is the thread for those who are abstaining and who want to abstain from alcohol. :)

All are welcome.

Previous thread is here.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2432985-DRY-8?

OP posts:
Original poster
CheesyNachos · 08/11/2015 09:56

Morning all.

Hope everyone is well and fine. I have been really white knuckling it the past few days hence not posting much. But think have gotten through it with the help of lots of the alcohol-free punch from Belvoir. Feeling a little more on top of things today.

what plans for everyone? I plan to take DS to a soft play and then have a sandwich in the cafe there. It's very exciting.Hmm

OP posts:
PinkPopPonyTrotsOn · 08/11/2015 10:31

Teapot Sad

Bam I think you really need to get more help.
Your children are at risk.
I wish I knew what to suggest, maybe someone else can come along with more wisdom.

JamDaniHash · 08/11/2015 12:49

Hi all and congrats Cheesy for getting through it.

Day 5 for me, I've been to the supermarket and made a chilli. Might clean the bathroom later also exciting

Went to visit my daughter at Uni yesterday, 5 hour round trip in the rain on the M1. Normally I'd crack open the wine as soon as I got home to help me "relax" but not this time. Feel justified in not doing much today!

Seabiscotti · 08/11/2015 13:04

Morning all.

I am finding it all a struggle too. We have a lot of ongoing stress which doesn't help. However since it has started getting dark and grey, and the days seem to drag, I am finding it harder.

PinkPopPonyTrotsOn · 08/11/2015 13:36

Alcohol will make it worse not better Sea
I usually start to struggle mentally at this time of year but feel so much better being AF.
Can you get outside ,it really helps me.
I also supplement with Vit D- makes a huge difference xx

Seabiscotti · 08/11/2015 14:17

I know Pink. DS has a disability and has been sleeping less than usual. I think I am just tired and struggling to get my mojo back.

I have my bag packed for the gym tomorrow. Hopefully exercise will help raise my spirits.

I do get outside with DS but it can be quite challenging.

gingersam · 08/11/2015 15:25

afternoon All just checking in
I know what folk mean re the grey winter days leave you wanting a "treat" of a drink , had a fun play in a wet park where a dog went for my ds
Am trying to be strong !

Seabiscotti · 08/11/2015 15:31

Stay strong ginger. I am having a bath while roast is in the oven. Pjs film and early night.

lolaflores · 08/11/2015 20:33

The analogy between the Irish and drinking is tedious to be honest. I am Irish. I came from an immediate household that did not drink. I have seen my mother drunk precisely twice in my life. Outside of that, I didn't drink till my 20's, but tore the arse out of it later. The Irish tend not to drink at home so their public drunkenness is infamous. The stereotype gets my goat. The worst drunks I ever witnessed were in Norway.
Sorry to be tetchy but it just....grrrrrr.... Now that I don't drink I get lots of raised eyebrows "But your're Irish"...yep and I am not a leprechaun either. Yes we have produce some epic alcoholics (who destroyed their gifts and talents with it) but there is a strong abstinence culture that many many people of my mother's generation held very dear to their hearts.
I am not saying the Irish don't drink; they do, but it touches such a nerve with me.
Obviously

Brighit · 08/11/2015 20:42

Nc change from the biscuit one Wink

That doesn't even bear thinking about Teapot, poor woman.

Hope you are ok today Bam? Can I ask what steps your dh has taken, has he visited the doctor or a drug and alcohol advisory clinic? Sorry you may have said before and I've forgotten. I think really you are hitting crunch time. I know you love him but if it carries on there is always that chance of that love and respect being chipped away. I have been through something similar only with drugs and in the end I had nothing more to give. I fell out of love and still so desperately sad at how I felt like me and dc came second best. No advice but I hope you and your dh have gained some clarity how to progress forward today Flowers

ArmadaCalpa · 08/11/2015 21:22

lolaflores I get what you are saying. I live in Ireland & my in-laws are Irish and they don't drink much, if at all. DH drinks only very moderately, as do his siblings. There is still a culture of abstinence as you say, even among young people - usually those who've seen alcohol problems in their families.

I've managed a weekend, yay! The Prosecco has been safely hidden by DH, who is great & very on board with what I'm doing. Feeling good now.

Hoping everyone is hanging on in there this evening.

Lucy2610 · 08/11/2015 21:40

Bam do you have family nearby that you could go and stay with short term? I agree with Teapot and Pink it feels like crunch time. If you can't leave your DS1 with him during the day to take DS2 out without worry and anxiety about his safety then this is a big red flag.
If you recognise that his behaviour is like your dads and not just in good ways that is also a red flag. He needs to take action to show he is willing to do something about this or its time for you to act my lovely Flowers
Teapot that share was heartbreaking Sad

3phase · 09/11/2015 08:49

Just marking my place. Day 1. Second time I've attempted this. Can't say I'm feeling particularly optimistic but I'm going to try. Even two glasses seems to be enough to kick start a horrid downward spiral of anxiety and insomnia these days. I need to stop. I want to stop. DH doesn't want me to stop so am going to have find support elsewhere. We live rurally and I don't think AA is going to work. Loving the Hip Sobriety site suggested by a pp. And this thread......how inspiring. Thank you.

Lucy2610 · 09/11/2015 08:55

Welcome 3phase :)
Bam How are you today?

JamDaniHash · 09/11/2015 09:32

Hi 3phase Wishing you strength for today.

ArmadaCalpa · 09/11/2015 10:06

Good luck 3phase.

Seabiscotti · 09/11/2015 10:16

Hi 3phase, will be thinking of you today.

Bam thinking of you too.

3phase · 09/11/2015 10:24

Thank you. I can usually manage a few days but rarely make it more than a week. Really hoping this time will be different.

Brighit · 09/11/2015 11:18

Hi and welcome 3phase. I was exactly the same. I could do three days but after a week I thought 'why not, I deserve it'. Do you have a plan in place? Why does your dh not want you to stop, I take it he drinks himself?

Hope everyone survived the weekend. Just had a glance at my counter. I haven't checked it in ages as I go roughly by months now. 315 days! I'm well chuffed with that, somehow sounds more counted in days :) Feeling much more optimistic this week. Lots of training planned with gym classes and running - and I have a date this Saturday. Nervous, will be super strange drinking coffee and not getting stuck into the booze but at least I won't make bad judgement calls for a change Grin

3phase · 09/11/2015 11:41

Our social life revolves around drinking, all of our good friends like a drink. Drinking doesn't cause him the problems it causes me. He's not an addictive person - he quit smoking the day the ban came in 'just like that'.

But I don't just drink for fun - it's far more than that and it does so much more damage. He doesn't understand why I want to stop. He thinks a drink problem has to involve drinking spirits in the morning. I don't even drink every day and I don't always drink to excess either but there are some days when can't I stop and lots and lots of days when I promise myself I won't drink but I do. We're different animals when it comes to booze I think basically.

I don't have a plan but I'm trying to build one. Looking into yoga / meditation. Planning to drive everywhere when we go out and cancelling a few social engagements I think are going to prove too much. I actually have a kidney problem at the moment and am going to be having surgery for it after Xmas. The consultant told me alcohol wouldn't make any difference but I haven't told anyone that, I haven't even told DH. It's too much of a convenient excuse - I'm just going to tell everyone I can't drink because of my kidneys!

315 days....that is fab....well done you!

BamBam21 · 09/11/2015 12:16

Hi everyone. Welcome 3phase.

Thank you all for your support. It was a horrible weekend. I'm not sure if DP fully realises how close it came to all ending, but I need to make it clear to him, tonight when we are both sober. It might be the wrong thing to do, but I want to keep my problems private within my own home - I don't want to involve any other family. I need to make myself very clear though. So hard when a lot of the time I want to drink too.

Day 1. Here we go again.Brew

BamBam21 · 09/11/2015 12:19

Well done on 315 days brighit!

JamDaniHash · 09/11/2015 13:20

315 days - amazing Brighit!
Bam I'm thinking of you today Brew
3phase Good plan re: the kidneys

Lucy2610 · 09/11/2015 15:17

Well done Brighit! Star
Bam fair enough lovely. Sending you strong resolute sober wishes for tonight Flowers
3phase good plan re kidneys! :)

TeapotDictator · 09/11/2015 19:03

Good luck Bam. I can't help worrying though that this isn't a case of you not making it clear enough. (How much clearer can you be?) I totally understand not wanting to involve outsiders (who does, really...) but the situation sounds absolutely intolerable. It can change, but to change there has to be... change. A change in approach.

Wishing you superhero levels of strength over the coming days Flowers

Brighit - congrats on the 315 days; magnifique Grin

Welcome to 3phase, keep checking in over the coming days.

Hope everyone else is doing well. Pretty chaotic here, as ever.