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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Provocation therapy/ Counsellor playing devils advocate

166 replies

abanico · 11/10/2015 20:08

Does anyone have any experience of this? Would a counsellor tell you if that's what they were doing?

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Original poster
abanico · 13/10/2015 08:54

Is there any way I can get help without a GP

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shovetheholly · 13/10/2015 09:05

OK, now substantive stuff - I HATE this about GP surgeries. I do not think there is a proper understanding of the extent to which these stupid rules disadvantage those with MH issues. I understand the system is under stress, but there is really no excuse for it!

Once you feel calmer, can I suggest an email to the practice manager? Just a simple, straightforward message that says

'Dear X

I urgently need to see a doctor to discuss some health issues that I have been experiencing. However,

as I do not currently have a GP, this means registering with your service. Yesterday I was informed by your receptionist that I simply needed to drop off a form to register and that I could do this at any time of day. However, I attended this morning to deliver the document, and was abruptly informed by your receptionist that you only register patients between 10.30 and 11.30. (Your forms state that the registration time is 11.30 to 12.30, by the way). The manner in which this was said was rude and abrasive.

I work full-time and I am unable to attend in those hours simply to register. However, I feel very vulnerable and I do need to see a doctor urgently. (The distress that the receptionist's rudeness and obstructionism has caused me has made me feel significantly worse.)

Please can you let me know how on earth I can register at your practice in order to get the medical care that I urgently need?'

A decent manager will get back to you and sort this out straight away.

Original poster
abanico · 13/10/2015 09:15

Even a fucking GP receptionist treats me like a piece of shit on their shoe. I feel like the whole world is against me and I don't know what I have done wrong.

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Original poster
abanico · 13/10/2015 09:17

Thabk you shovetheholly.

I've complained about my last GP surgery, it was ignored. I'm sure this one will do the same. I might try your letter but I can't face going in there again.

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shovetheholly · 13/10/2015 09:20

I know how you feel. It takes a lot of guts to go to the GP about MH issues, and you feel very vulnerable. The barriers put in place can feel insurmountably difficult. (This is also true of any illness which saps your resilience).

We are here to tell you - this is just an idiot jobsworth. Their behaviour reflects badly on them, not on you. You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity and to be given the care that you need. The fact that they were incapable of doing that is an appalling indictment of them (and I would say they should be removed from reception until they've done a bit of customer service training), but it is no reflection on your worth.

I know you can sort this out. You're a really capable, vibrant person and you WILL get that appointment because (once you've got yourself a coffee/hot chocolate/cake and had a bit of a breather) you will get right back on this and sort it. Flowers

shovetheholly · 13/10/2015 09:20

Is there another surgery close by that you could go to instead?

Original poster
abanico · 13/10/2015 10:06

I chose this one because it had 4 star reviews where all the others had 2 or fewer stars. This is the best of the bunch.

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Original poster
abanico · 13/10/2015 10:10

There isn't even an email address for complaints. I will probably be told I have to come in between 11am - 12pm.

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Original poster
abanico · 13/10/2015 10:10

I can call, but what's the point, I'll only be shut down.

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shovetheholly · 13/10/2015 10:16

Call! Ask to speak to the practice manager If s/he isn't there, leave your number and request a callback before 3pm. You can only be shut down by them if you accept being shut down by them. Which you are not going to do, because you deserve to be heard!

It's surprising how effective an insanely persistent, chirpy, polite, positive refusal to take no for an answer can be. I know it feels potentially exhausting, but they will eventually deal with you just to get you outta their hair Grin

Original poster
abanico · 13/10/2015 10:17

I am not very good on the phone. I am much better in writing and I already feel like shit, a disinterested practice manager saying "tough shit that's how we do things" is not going to help me.

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shovetheholly · 13/10/2015 10:33

As far as I can see, you have three options if you want to register at that surgery:

  1. Find an email address and send them that aforementioned email.
  2. Call them.
  3. Take a day of leave to get down there and sort this out in the right slot.

I can't think of another way of doing this but that may be an imagination failure!

I think you'e been treated appallingly at a time when your guard is down and you feel vulnerable. However, a person can only invalidate you if you allow their judgement to invalidate you, iyswim. Maybe depersonalising it would help? If you approach this like a computer game, where you have to leap over obstacles in your path to 'win' by getting an appointment, would that help? Think of the receptionist as just an inanimate hurdle to vault, and not as someone who is the arbiter of your value as a human being.

Original poster
abanico · 13/10/2015 10:49

I'm writing a letter that I will take in. I don't want to do it on the phone, they will only fob me off. I will ask to see if I can speak to them in person, but I will also give them the letter. I will take if further if I am not happy with the response, but speaking on the phone makes it too easy for them to say "yes, yes, thank you for your comments. Now piss off". I happen to have a day off on Friday. Had I known that I can only go in at 10:30 I would have just waited until then. The receptionist yesterday could have told me that, if it were the case, and saved me the hassle of having to deal with the bitch on the desk today.

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Original poster
abanico · 13/10/2015 10:51

There is no email address, I have done some sleuthing. I was going to go back and ask the receptionist for an email address to complain to, after telling her "by the way, your form doesn't even say that time slot you twat", but I was already in tears so couldn't face it. She would probably have told me I need to do it by letter and post it in anyway. The complaints page on the website just says speak to the Practice Manager. I will call and ask for a time that I can speak to them in person.

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shovetheholly · 13/10/2015 11:00

Well done abanico. Just to be clear: the important thing right now, at least it seems to me, is that you get to see a GP asap. I'm hoping if you can get there on Friday, they will be able to arrange an appointment in the relatively near future. Otherwise, you might have to go through the bloody call-back-and-back-and-back-for-an-emergency-appointment dance on MondaySad.

The screwup at the surgery is a sideline annoyance (but awesome if you can solve this too). Good to see you back in the saddle and taking charge Grin. You are quite a force, you know!!

Original poster
abanico · 13/10/2015 11:04

My experience of GPs is wholly shit. I will probably finally get to one and they will say to try walking, it might help.

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Original poster
abanico · 13/10/2015 11:06

I feel like I am at my wit's end. Isn't there a Mumsnet GP, which isn't full of unreasonable dickheads and full of people who actually are interested in helping you?

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Original poster
abanico · 13/10/2015 11:07

Maybe I should bankrupt myself and go private

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springydaffs · 13/10/2015 11:57

My experience of GPs is wholly shit

Me too! Along with reams of the population Angry

Horrible little cow, that receptionist. They're known for it! Personally, I'd like to poke her the eye.

Get in touch with MIND and, through them, get an advocate to come along with you to support you through the process of making an 'observation' to the practise manager. If the practise manager doesn't action your 'observation' then go to the local health authority. Etc.

I say 'observation' because a complaint is so gruelling it isn't worth it.

Really, this isn't about you, it's about horrible little cow who dishes out this shit to all and sundry.

As holly says, keep your breathing d-e-e-e-p, down to your stomach, a big sigh when you think of it. That'll ward off any panic attacky stuff (as well as oxygenate your brain so you can think straight).

Original poster
abanico · 13/10/2015 12:20

Thank you springydaffs. I thought the same, you have to pass some sort of bitch-test to get a job as a GP receptionist. The one I saw yesterday was the loveliest woman ever and I thought "finally, thank Jesus", but it appears she was a one off.

Tell a lie, I did call up my last place once, and the receptionist noticed it was my birthday and said "Happy Birthday!" and was really cheerful and helpful. Never saw her again though. Maybe the bitchy ones even drive away their nice colleagues...

I've written a complaint. I'll take it in tomorrow. Hopefully the nice person will be on the desk and won't just chuck it in the bin.

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springydaffs · 13/10/2015 15:19

Ask for the practice manager and give it to him/her in person.

At my current practice I see the nurse bcs the GPs are loathsome. The reception staff aren't bad at all (shocking!) but the practise manager knows me well re my numerous 'observations'. I won't let one thing pass. I've had it with crying all the way home putting up with shite behaviour. Ime I have received detailed, apologetic replies. I've started on consultants now and, to date, have had a two-page grovel from a consultant whose behaviour was so appalling I was fair moved to send a blow-by-blow 'observation' through PALS. I am delighted to be instrumental in their ongoing training.

Hope you're feeling better.

Original poster
abanico · 13/10/2015 15:36

I wish I could just go to the vet. My cat's vets, vet receptionists and vetinary nurses treat him like a king every single time. Do you think they will treat me?

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springydaffs · 13/10/2015 15:47

You could ask? Wink

shovetheholly · 13/10/2015 15:50

abanico - I remember being in tears and saying that exact same thing with regard to GP surgeries (I had a five year battle to get the diagnosis I needed). My cat got faster blood results, faster treatment and better care than I did!!

Not knocking the individual workers - I know what long hours many GPs put in. But they are underresourced, and the 'front of house' needs a serious kick up the arse.

onlyfairychasing · 15/10/2015 16:35

Your counsellor sounds atrocious. She should be on your side, supporting and walking with you as you explore what you want to explore. Some challenging is to be expected but in a safe setting.
Alas my experience is only of person centred therapy, but how is what she is providing you therapeutic?