My mother is so horrible to me :(

[MakeThemEatCake]

Would this be a reason to go no contact with her?

I suffer from horrific migraines, she seems to get very annoyed with me when I have one. Anyway, I agreed to look after my young nephew this afternoon and she said she'd come with me for the first couple of hours to help, because I felt so ill from a migraine today. (Didn't want to let my sister down)

It kept getting worse, I have severe nausea with them, and she was getting more angry towards me the more ill I felt. She said some horrible things:

"YOU want to work with children? The state of you?"
"You've spoilt today now by being like this"
"You're mental"
"You're actually a nightmare to be around"
"I wont ever arrange anything with you again as you cant be reliable"
"You do realise you'll never work with children because of the way you are?"

I started crying and she got even more angry! I had to leave, felt my head was going to explode. I've let my nephew down but wasn't in a fit state to care for him. The head pain has eased a bit now I've taken painkillers but still feel so sick.

I've really had enough of her, she picks on me every time I see her, she doesn't like my son and he refuses to speak to her now. It felt like she kicked me where it would hurt, its my dream to work with children and I have bad depression and anxiety at the moment so her comments crushed me.

Thinking NC now, just needed to express what had happened tbh ,thanks for reading.

Now you are making me smile too! It is like I have been watching a great mind at work. All the best and keep posting!

That's a very nice thing to say

I have reread this thread once or twice and will do again, and working my way through the current Stately Homes thread, it really is as close to therapy as you can get, as mentioned by Thumb.

Well I had to see DM today, unavoidable, but it wasn't too bad. Yes she critisised me, BUT I truly let it wash over me! That is progress believe it or not. It wasn't just her getting stuck in, my dad was there too and he jumped on the bandwagon! So I let them say a few things, they expected an explanation from me but I simply said "oh well" and changed the subject. It felt like I was much more in control.
I just have to sort out the other unhealthy relationships I have going on, that is going to be much more difficult.

Absolutely wonderful progress! I'm so proud of you! You've learnt a strategy that works for you. "Oh well" is great, it shows that you really don't care about what they're saying without giving them ammo by becoming defensive. That blunts their weapons.

One day at at time. Yes, you do need to sort your other relationships, but remember that Rome wasn't built in a day. You don't have to do it all at once as long as you remember that you can do it. Of course, if any of these relationships is truly abusive or endangers your mental or physical health, then the sooner the better.

You are making great leaps! Do something nice for yourself today.

Thanks across, I must say it did feel like a small victory. I'm constantly in shock at the way people speak to me and am noticing it more and more - things I'd never dare say to the people I care about! I firmly believe in letting individuals be the judge of what's right for them, and unless they specifically ASK for advice, I keep out of it!

Not so with me, I'm vulnerable, I know this and others know this and they take advantage of it and treat me like a child. I seem to be fair game for people who like to control others. I'm working hard to change this.

You do realize how wonderful it is that you can now recognize how shocking the things they say are, don't you? Because that means that you no longer believe their poison! That you know you are a worthwhile person with good ideas, good morals, and good sense.

"Knowledge is Power" and you have powerful knowledge now. And that power will lessen your vulnerability. We all have self-doubt and we all worry about our life choices and people around you have taken advantage of that. But we usually can sense when what someone is saying to us is well-meant but misguided or when it's just plain mean-spirited. I think that's the little bit they had trained you to ignore. That voice that told you they didn't have your best interests at heart. But you're hearing it now!!!

Sounds like you decided you don't have to play the game with your parents...