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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dh has been secretly recording me help

442 replies

Daisycloud66 · 06/10/2015 14:26

Shit, total shock here.
I've just been onto a hard drive my DH bought a while ago for us to share as last pc crashed and I lost all my spreadsheets I use for tax return,

I created a new folder for each of us and dragged all his stuff into his folder. He had loads of MP3 files and assumed it was music so I've opened one up to play as if it is current music I was going to delete it as its on iTunes. But the MP3 recordings weren't music they were recordings of me. The first one I opened was of Big Bang theory from last night and had me talking to my dog. The next one was the tv I was watching again last night.
WTF is he playing at, I just don't understand it. 22 mp3 recordings lasting about 5 mins each.

How is he doing this? Can anyone tell me if its the ps4 that's recording me?

He's gone to work so I can't have this out until late tonight.

OP posts:
WhyBeHappyWhenYouCouldBeNormal · 07/10/2015 20:40

This is terrifying OP, stay safe.

MakStout · 07/10/2015 20:43

Hope you are OK op, I'm quite worried about you confronting him, he's gone to very extreme lengths to spy on / stalk you, I'm not sure he's going to be calm when confronted.

BBQsAreSooooOverrated · 07/10/2015 21:03

OMG op. Creepy stuff. Stay safe.

FlopIsMyParentingGuru · 07/10/2015 21:10

Echoing the concerns for you. Hope you're safe and ok

lotrben17 · 07/10/2015 21:23

Yes can't see there can be any healthy explanation for this, he's obviously mentally in a bad place. Hope you're ok

FuzzyWizard · 07/10/2015 21:30

New to the thread but really hope the OP is safe! Really creepy.

wannaBe · 07/10/2015 21:34

The dh's mental condition is not op's concern right now. Regardless of whether this is driven by some kind of mental illness or whether the man is just a paranoid control freak, what he's doing isn't normal and IMO he can never be trusted again, nor would the op ever know whether or not he was spying on her.

In this instance the op should leave the house because at the moment there is no way of knowing what he has installed and where to check up on what she is doing throughout the day.

For me this would be an absolute deal-breaker. No going back, no second chances, and I would be taking out an injunction to ensure he could never come near me again.

Op, I hope you're safe, often it's the emotional feeling of being watched which is incredibly hard to deal with. I have a bit of experience of this although nothing to this degree, but I do have an inkling of how it feels to be watched like that. Please get out of the house, go and get a new phone tomorrow, new number, and go and see a solicitor to see where you stand in terms of getting this man away from you. He is a paranoid control freak and while he may not be violent the emotional impact of his control should not be underestimated.

ShowOfHands · 07/10/2015 21:36

Does he know you use MN?

wannaBe · 07/10/2015 21:37

oh and change all your passwords. mn, email, social media such as facebook/twitter/any other accounts you have. If he has a keylogger on your computer (which is an almost certainty) then he almost certainly knows all your passwords and has installed duplicates of your accounts on his own computer/phone.

Original poster
Daisycloud66 · 07/10/2015 21:52

Not confronted him yet as he's not due home until 10. Had a good long chat with my friend. I've basically got one shot to get the real truth outta him before he makes up some utter crap. I want to get to the bottom of this and why he's done this as this is so much violation.
My friend was saying how a happy marriage one day and to LTB might be quite hard as I'm in utter shock. She can't stay with me but has told me to ring her home phone from my home phone and she can listen to the confrontation. She lives minutes away and can come round or call police if needed. She has got my copies of the evidence and suggested and has put a app on my iPod to record the confrontation she said incase I ever need it for evidence or if I need to recall anything that is said. It's either going to turn into a massive row and him "blaming me" and being defensive or he will just walk out and leave as he does quite often if we argue.
We have talked about what I'm going to ask and how to start the conversation for maximum effect. If we row he will say things in the heat of the moment (random lies) and deny ever saying it so she thought recording it might help. Now I know that is going to sound bizarre after what he has done but he has got a real habit for twisting things around. She said if I don't need it I can delete it but if I don't get it I may regret it.

Honestly I don't know what to think about us as I'm just shocked so plan on taking time to think about things.
No backstory my end never cheated, he has had a EA / one night stand with the OW 5 years ago so quite a while and we are in well we're in quite a good place up until yesterday.

OP posts:
TarkaDarling · 07/10/2015 21:55

take care OP

coconutpie · 07/10/2015 22:04

OMG, this is so fucked up. Stay safe OP and have somebody with you when you confront him (or waiting outside).

coconutpie · 07/10/2015 22:06

X posted. Just read your update. Good luck OP.

Only1scoop · 07/10/2015 22:07

Hope you get to the bottom of this Op it's really strange.

Take care

TheoriginalLEM · 07/10/2015 22:11

wannaBe - i disagree. His mental health is absolutely pertinent to all of this. From point of the op keeping safe and moving forward.

i say this without judgement as someone with mh issues.

Haggisfish · 07/10/2015 22:17

Ye gads. Hope the chat is going as you want it to.

Comfortzone · 07/10/2015 22:23

stay safe OP

Runwayqueen · 07/10/2015 22:23

Wow op, please stay safe

rainbowstardrops · 07/10/2015 22:26

Hope all is ok? Most odd.

Garrick · 07/10/2015 22:28

Your friend sounds solid, Daisy Flowers I hope you took her advice to record the 'discussion' and to call on her support.

Boglin · 07/10/2015 22:34

Jesus, this has given me chills. I really hope you are safe.

bexcee8 · 07/10/2015 22:40

Hope you're ok, don't envy you at all Thanks

Smorgasboard · 07/10/2015 22:41

Seems he's tarring you with the same brush - well he's perfect and he had a ONS, so why shouldn't you! You live by the sword...

Frequency · 07/10/2015 22:53

I agree that someone doing this is likely to be mentally unwell. It's the saving the files that's bugging me. Why? If not mental illness then why?

OP hasn't been cheating, so he's not saving evidence.

Hope you're okay OP.

LotsaTuddles · 07/10/2015 22:56

Hope you're ok OP. Let us know you're ok as soon as you can