Money money money

[Vanillacheesecakeplease]

I am feeling rather resentful this evening. I have just been given (a not very significant) pay rise at work, and it's got me thinking. I don't work in a particularly well paid profession and it is a demanding all hours of the day sort of job (think in the office by 7am, not home til 6pm type thing). However I do have a inherited property so get some more income from renting it out. My DP works in a fairly menial job and earns less than a third of what I do. As in he is constantly needing to borrow money the week leading up to payday. Now this he does pay back. However, an 'extras' eg drinks, all the food, letting him stay over constantly as he is in the shitty accommodation that comes with his job, etc I am constantly paying, with no return. Seeing as I work extremely hard for my money, and have a rather hefty credit card bill (mainly paying off our flights from the summer holidays - I paid, obviously) and the fact that he just sort of holds up his hands and says I have nothing until x day, etc, and and btw please lend me £100 until I can pay you back, this is really starting to vex me. I really do feel that I am being taken advantage of. We have a good relationship and he is a lovely person, however all the arguments between us are about money, esp when I have had a drink and get annoyed that I am essentially paying for both of us to live. I am getting to the age when I am wanting to settle down, start a family etc, but I just can't see it happening with him due to the financial situation. We went to view a flat the other day, and it struck me that it would be me paying the entire deposit, me bailing him out if he couldn't make the rent.... In fairness to him, he is looking for another job, but he has no formal qualifications that are recognised in the UK (he is from abroad). Am I being silly by letting my resentment over money get in the way?? This was the reason my last relationship ended, as it was very much me spending the lion's share, but this is a whole new kettle of fish. I realise it sounds like he is using me for money, and he's not, but it does seem increasingly that he is taking it for granted that I will foot the bill for everything, from dinner to day to day groceries. And I get upset as I think about how hard I work and how unfair it is. Any advice would be appreciated. (Sorry this has turned out rather long!)

Head injuries are not always apparent at first, that's why it's so important to get checked. One of my exp's fractured my skull. Please get checked, hospital staff do not make judgements on patients. After that then you need to report him, he has committed a criminal offence on you. Get your mum to take pictures of the emerging bruise.

Oh no,,hope you ok x

Woah I was about to type stuff about the financial side but he's outed himself as a massive shit anyway. Get checked by medics and get the police to charge him.

Please report him.
If he did this to you he is going to do it to someone else.
Or perhaps has already a record of violence against him.

How do you know if that was the last time he attacked you?

Sorry, I feel like a massive drama queen. The top of my ear lobe is bleeding like there is no tomorrow... Just used up about half a toilet roll to try and stop the bleeding. This is not how I pictured my Friday night going... Can I cry yet?

I was wondering if it was the first. My friend only fessed up to previous attacks after several had taken place. Hopefully, this latest one has turned the tide. However she probably still thinks she can fix him,it's v frustrating.

Yes you can cry as much as you like , in the car on the way to the hospital. Please. head injuries are serious.

And you are in no way a drama queen. I am so sorry this has happened to you.

Ok so I am still capable of posting. It just seems that the top of my ear has ripped a bit... That's where the blood has come from. Who knew ears could bleed so much. My mum is downstairs waiting for the police. Jeez what a fucking evening.

You are definitely not a drama queen. You are a victim of domestic violence. You sound seriously injured, go to A&E

Glad to see you've called the police and you're not alone.

I'm glad the police are coming. I imagine they will tell you to go to A&E.

YOu did nothing wrong here.

Interview with the police... They got here surprisingly quickly. They took pics of my ear (and gave me a plaster), and my eye. Then said they would file it, and to report to the station tomorrow morning. In the mean time, I am to lie down. Ugh

Are they looking for him? Arresting him?

Well done OP! Glad you called the police

Can you clarify something. Am I right in thinking he lives in free work accommodation and gets paid a low salary? Out of interest what's his take home pay? He should be cutting his cloth to suit really - so he should be living on beans/Jacket potatoes. Smoking and drinking are also extras and non essential. He is using you as a cash cow to subsidise his lifestyle. He's using you.

For a few years while both low earners, I earned more then DH. We pulled together but I trusted him to be economical and considerate. he would never have frittered away my cash in booze.

Op do get shot of the bloke if you can afford to live on your own then go right ahead. I used to go out with poor men and unless they are going to cover their own expenses I fail to see the attraction. I am NOT a golddigger and more than willing to pay my own way in life but financially propping up a cocklodger is wearing and financially draining. What are you getting out of this? Are you desperate for a man? I used to take the first man that came along poor or not and that was how I ended up as a single parent as I did not practise discernment.

It is easy to be wise after the event but a poor man who cannot fund his own life expenses simply does not hit my spot. Also the resentment and feeling used just builds up and up it gets to breaking point. Happily I have learned to value my much prized independence and am capable of bringing up my ds alone although my ex does pay a little maintenance despite being poor.

Good luck.

Good grief OP. At least you know what a violent cunt he is now and have kicked him out. Your instincts were correct- interesting that when you pushed him regarding the money he turned on you.

I hope the police follow this up. Did they photograph your injuries?

I am glad you are not on your own and are being looked after. Deep breaths. You have had a lucky escape really, it just won't feel like that for a while.

Good grief hope you are ok

How are you doing, Vanilla? I'm surprised the police didn't want you to be investigated for concussion last night but you really must go and get checked this morning.

How are you feeling this morning vanilla ? did you get medical attention for your head injury ?

You have set an expectation that you'll be his lender of first resort and you've now become resentful at his embracement of your benevolent gf persona.

Do you think he would be spending 50 quid in Waitrose if it was coming out of his wallet? Of course not, that's why he quite sensibly set you straight addressed your PA expectation about taking you out to my dinner. I'm guessing he could live within his means if you weren't together but he doesn't have to because he has a benevolent gf.

You've indicated that that this isn't the first time you've ended up as someone's 'walking wallet', hmm, I wonder how that happened. If you don't want to play the part of the benevolent gf, don't audition for it.

You are clearly not financially compatible and given his personality and circumstances that's not going to change anytime soon. End this relationship now before resentment kills it and in future relationships, start as you mean to go on and don't set expectations that you will regret.

Sorry, didnn't see the DV update and I hope you feel better soon.

Wow. Didn't read all the thread and was going to say I wouldn't be happy in your situation.

Came to the last page and saw what the mean, nasty thug did to you.

What an arsewipe.

I hope your next relationship is much more equal all round. You've had such an awful shock so for the future take more care of yourself financially and hold back more to see how things are panning out.

Don't let anyone else take advantage of your kind and generous nature.

So sorry this has happened to you. Thank god you've been spared a lifetime of it. I bet your mum could kill right now. I know I would want to.

I hope you're ok op

What an awful bastard, so sorry OP.

Hope you are okay this morning and your mum is looking after you. Please do keep an eye on any dizziness, sleepiness or headache (obviously you're going to hurt where the impact was, but I mean any ache that seems to come from the inside, if you know what I mean.) Call 111 again or just go to A&E if you are at all concerned.

Please don't think "I can type on my phone so I must be okay" - it doesn't affect everyone the same way and you might have clear eyesight but feel sleepy, etc.