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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feel like I'm going crazy with suspicion

314 replies

Paranoiacentral · 30/09/2015 15:09

God I feel sick that I'm even writing this. I've name changed as im a regular poster with a memorable name!
Right, sorry I'm shaking , but I've had to work myself up to even post this let alone deal with might or might not be happening.
I'm suspicious about my husband, this kills me to say, he's a good man, a great man, an equal, a fabulously kind, generous, respectful man and a wonderful father. There is no back story, no history of cheating, no violence, no problems. So far, so sickeningly perfect.
BUT, I just can't shake off the feeling that something is going on. Let me give you the sum total of my suspicions so far;
Refuses to answer any calls from a certain work colleague (let's call her Lucy) in front of me. To the point that on two seperate occasions over the past month she has called whilst I have been in the car with him and he has actually answered with the following lines 'before you say anything Lucy let me just say I am in the car with Paranoiacentral'
Last week she called en route to the airport and he answers with 'sorry i couldn't talk before Lucy i was packing the car up with paranoia and the children, who are all here with me now'.....

He came home with a whacking great diamond ring 6 weeks ago, completely out of the blue. I feel horrible using this accusingly but it's so unlike him.

Now this one really will make me seem crazy.....on a few occasions recently he seems to get teary eyed when we are cuddling/kissing, he'll he onto me so tightly and say 'I love you so much' but then makes a gulping sound right after. Like I said crazy, but new for him. And the gulping is odd, like he's lying or afraid.
That's the sum total of my fears, not much I know, but the big concern, my main fear is the 'feeling' I don't know if it's instinct or what but something is different, something has changed and j can't put my finger on what it is. But it's starting to make me act differently in front of him, it's corrosive and its eating away at me. On holiday I couldn't stand to be around him, though I think I hid it well.
Oh god, I don't know what to do and I need your advice.

OP posts:
Galvanised · 05/10/2015 20:34

Sorry, I must have got muddled with another thread.

gateauxauxfruits · 06/10/2015 11:09

There are at least 4 fallacies floating around here. "The cheater's script" - the trouble is that someone following the script proves nothing because the script is intended to be the most likely innocent story which is consistent with the cheater's actions. Cheats tell their partners that they must go out for the evening to comfort an old friend who's feeling down; but what do people who in reality have go out for the evening to comfort an old friend who's feeling down tell their partners? Hint: they don't say they are off to shag their lover senseless.

Secondly the "all these threads end the same way, OP comes back 3 months later and it turns out it was cheating all along" argument. Huge, huge reporting bias here because if it wasn't cheating all along OP has no incentive to come back and say so.

Third the "98% of the time it is cheating argument" - but if mumsnet sits and says every single time that it is obviously cheating, no if or but about it, then in one case in every fifty a severe and avoidable injustice is being done.

Fourthly even if it is cheating in this case, the OP believes it isn't. I don't see how it is useful or kind, now that she has made her mind up, to persist in "mark my words, you'll be back with your tail between your legs" posts. Leave her to her state of blissful delusion, if that is what you think it is.

CatMilkMan · 06/10/2015 17:04

gateuxauxfruits easy tiger, don't you bring your logic to relationships.

AgathaF · 06/10/2015 17:54

Pointless to be argueing over whether the OP is being misled or not. The main thing is that she is happy with his explanation. The future will be what it is and not one of us here can predict that.

CatMilk - I'm sure gateux's "logic" is a valid as anyone else's.

Cheryl001 · 22/10/2019 04:33

I know it's been 4 years, but what's happened since? Was your husband having an affair?

RLEOM · 22/10/2019 11:34

Trust your gut. It never fails.

Gemma1971 · 22/10/2019 13:26

WTH??

"Refuses to answer any calls from a certain work colleague (let's call her Lucy) in front of me. To the point that on two seperate occasions over the past month she has called whilst I have been in the car with him and he has actually answered with the following lines 'before you say anything Lucy let me just say I am in the car with Paranoiacentral'
Last week she called en route to the airport and he answers with 'sorry i couldn't talk before Lucy i was packing the car up with paranoia and the children, who are all here with me now'.....!

Why on earth is he calling you this name?

BlancoNita · 22/10/2019 13:52

WTH??

"Refuses to answer any calls from a certain work colleague (let's call her Lucy) in front of me. To the point that on two seperate occasions over the past month she has called whilst I have been in the car with him and he has actually answered with the following lines 'before you say anything Lucy let me just say I am in the car with Paranoiacentral'
Last week she called en route to the airport and he answers with 'sorry i couldn't talk before Lucy i was packing the car up with paranoia and the children, who are all here with me now'.....!

Why on earth is he calling you this name?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA this made me chuckle.

tiajon · 22/10/2019 14:24

Of course he's not calling her that name?! It's her username on here, wake up.

Gemma1971 · 22/10/2019 14:33

Ha ha...... durrr silly me!!!

Gemma1971 · 22/10/2019 14:38

It very much sounds as if something was... or is... going on with this Lucy person. He always forewarns her that he is with you and the children.... if it were purely a business call, he would just go on right ahead and talk without forewarning... I would be ultra-suspicious and not believe a single word he says.

Although not evidence of an affair, it points towards something fishy. And your gut instinct is screaming at you.

I would be investigating further, depending on how you feel about the entire relationship. If your gut feeling IS confirmed, what will you do?

Gemma1971 · 22/10/2019 14:39

This thread is really old. I just realised. Someone must have brought it back to life for some reason....

TuttiFrutti123 · 22/10/2019 16:37

I remember this thread and I have always wondered how things turned out. In fact I've not long returned to mumsnet after a long time away and I was thinking about this thread just the other day but couldn't find it to see if there ever was an update from the OP.

I hope everything turned out well for her Flowers

RareMissy · 27/10/2019 20:51

When I read this I thought ‘he is having an affair’ I’m sorry this happening to you. Try and work put his passcode to see his calls etc is he protective of his phone as my ex cheated on me and became protective of his phone taking it into the shower room etc and not answering the phone to his ex, I ask him and he denied it 2 months after I split up with him (he was ghosting me) he went into a relationship with this girl and ended up marrying her

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