Feel like I'm going crazy with suspicion

[Paranoiacentral]

God I feel sick that I'm even writing this. I've name changed as im a regular poster with a memorable name!
Right, sorry I'm shaking , but I've had to work myself up to even post this let alone deal with might or might not be happening.
I'm suspicious about my husband, this kills me to say, he's a good man, a great man, an equal, a fabulously kind, generous, respectful man and a wonderful father. There is no back story, no history of cheating, no violence, no problems. So far, so sickeningly perfect.
BUT, I just can't shake off the feeling that something is going on. Let me give you the sum total of my suspicions so far;
Refuses to answer any calls from a certain work colleague (let's call her Lucy) in front of me. To the point that on two seperate occasions over the past month she has called whilst I have been in the car with him and he has actually answered with the following lines 'before you say anything Lucy let me just say I am in the car with Paranoiacentral'
Last week she called en route to the airport and he answers with 'sorry i couldn't talk before Lucy i was packing the car up with paranoia and the children, who are all here with me now'.....

He came home with a whacking great diamond ring 6 weeks ago, completely out of the blue. I feel horrible using this accusingly but it's so unlike him.

Now this one really will make me seem crazy.....on a few occasions recently he seems to get teary eyed when we are cuddling/kissing, he'll he onto me so tightly and say 'I love you so much' but then makes a gulping sound right after. Like I said crazy, but new for him. And the gulping is odd, like he's lying or afraid.
That's the sum total of my fears, not much I know, but the big concern, my main fear is the 'feeling' I don't know if it's instinct or what but something is different, something has changed and j can't put my finger on what it is. But it's starting to make me act differently in front of him, it's corrosive and its eating away at me. On holiday I couldn't stand to be around him, though I think I hid it well.
Oh god, I don't know what to do and I need your advice.

I like ur attitude paranoid n glad all's well that ends well!

• paranoia

Well done op. Now ignore all the posters who come back and pick over everything you said and set a load of doubts off in your head again.

Yes there will be some posters who will be convinced that DH is cheating, regardless of what you think. Ignore them.

I'm glad you were able to talk about it and get things out in the open. It does no good to fester.

Well done OP! Glad you've sorted it all

I'm glad you talked but this needs to be the start of doing something differently so you feel more secure in your relationship.

That's the process DH and I had to go through too.

I'll be perfectly honest here, although I trust my DH it's my assessment of me that makes me feel insecure sometimes or like he could do so much better. It's certainly not a reflection on him...although I needed to snoop in the early years to be sure as I don't trust my own judgement.

Anyway, all the best for the future but it'll be better if you can make a few tweaks moving towards

Glad it's sorted. It's good to talk, as Bob Hoskins used to say!

He swore blind there was nothing, promised me, swore on the children's lives

I don't want to rain on your parade, OP, but if all you asked him was whether he was keeping anything from you, his response seems something of an overreaction to me and it doesn't explain the 'gulp' moments.

He thinks my eyes glaze over when he discusses work and that I'm not interested

Is this true? If you expect him to be interested in matters that are of interest to you then surely it's no more than common courtesy for you to express interest in what is obviously a very important part of his life, and more especially as it's also the means by which yours has been made so comfortable.

In any event, apropos the recent 'Would you listen to a psychic' thread I predict that you and your dh will celebrate your silver wedding anniversary in fine style and will have many more happy years to look forward to.

I know, I think talking was the right thing and well done, but at first response being swearing on children's lives and saying it was because you glaze over... But as you say, you are the best judge and hopefully things will get back to normal now. After 18 years, that would certainly be the best outcome!

He swore blind there was nothing, promised me, swore on the children's lives, was devastated that I'd been keeping this in, couldn't believe I hadn't spoken up before.
Tick (from almost everyone who has been cheated on, I would think)
When your husband of 18 years looks you in the eyes and says 'I'm not having an affair with Lucy' you so desperately want to believe him that you shut your eyes to such obvious blatent bullshit.

I think you know your dh better than any of us do OP. Trust your gut.

Shame that your holiday was ruined though.

You're entitled to your opinion education, but I'm not quite as cynical and world world weary as you seem to be, and I hope i never am.

Well done and glad it's a happy ending! Gut instincts are usually, but not always right!

What about the gulping and welling up?

I stand by my prediction, but I've got a feeling that you've swallowed the equivalent of a highly effective indigestion pill which will settle your gut for a few days before it starts giving you gyp again.

If this should occur, I suggest you ask what's troubling him during one of those 'gulp' moments.

Cynical and world weary = had a different experience than you are having/hopefully will have, that is all.

OP, I'm very glad that you spoke to your H and you feel reassured.

I actually feel more worried. I have read a lot of MN affair threads and a partner swearing on their children's lives is meaningless and often a red flag. If someone is cheating, lying becomes second nature.

He blames the stress of a work contract for his unusual behaviour. I'm sure this isn't the first time there have been contract difficulties and yet he never exhibited this behaviour previously?

distracted, nervous, anxious, on the phone more/replying to emails all hours etc. Has he also been moody and irritable?

So presumably, when the contract is approved his behaviour will return to normal. I would want to know when that is.

And as for his convos with Lucy, why wouldn't he just exchange greetings with her and then say, "I can't talk ATM, I'm with my family." That would stop her from droning on. Him blurting out, "Before you say anything..." implies to me that he wants to warn and prevent her from saying something.

There used to be a poster on MN called whenwillifeelnormal. I would look up the old affair threads she posted on because she always offered the most insightful advice.

I do wish you the best.

I'm glad it is all resolved.

Whatever happens in the future I suspect OP is going to be just a tiny more watchful than she had in the past which is a shame really.

I think once the trust is shaken it is very hard to go back to how things were before - or maybe that is just me.

To the doubters, I'm not really sure what else I can do? You urged me to speak to him and I did? Did he not say what you wanted to hear?
If he is up to something what more can I do? I asked him outright and he said no, so if he is having an affair I'll have to wait til he tells me won't I?
I can't LTB because of a gut feeling.

If you're happy with what he's said then it doesn't matter what people on here are saying. Keep smiling and let it blow over. However we're here if there is anything else you want to talk about.

Hi op, I've just been through something sort of similar with my DH, all the signs pointed to an EA and I was convinced he was up to something. Turns out he wasn't, it had gone no further than a few flirty comments on FB but I also had a really strong gut feeling and my 'spidey senses' were well and truly jangling. I drove myself mad with suspicion as well and was so relieved to find nothing was going on past what I already knew. I've had several long chats with DH since then and, like you, was completely reassured by his responses, if what your DH has said has put your mind at rest that's all that really matters.

I'm glad you're feeling better now OP, and that he was able to reassure you. Communication is good.

However, in your shoes I would ask him to not 'swear on the children's lives' again. It's not really appropriate to swear on lives really, especially that of children. I know you're sure he's telling the truth, but even so it's not right.

As far as I can see no-one's told you to LTB but, while he's told you what you you wanted to hear, his words of protestation are uncannily similar to the cheater's script and his alleged work worries shouldn't give rise to 'gulp' moments or a tres expensive surprise gift.

If he'd said 'give over, you daft lemon' or 'I wouldn't fancy Lucy if she was the last woman on the planet' I'd feel more assured that you'd got it wrong but, as it is, all I can say is continue to trust your gut instincts and come back to this thread if you have any further cause for concern.