How effing nice is *this*?

[GiraffeGotTheLastRoomInTheInn]

I am suffering quite badly from what the doctor today described as 'one of the worst cases of tonsillitis I have EVER seen'.

I feel like I am dying, I haven't eaten ANYTHING for four days and am struggling to swallow my own saliva, let alone drink anything.

And dp has....

wait for it.....

gone to stay with his parents 'so he doesn't catch it', only returning home to collect ironed shirts and (admittedly only once) ask if I could just make him some lunch.

My mum has been helping me out with dd this week, thank goodness, but she is going away tomorrow so i have got to cope with dd all by myself.

So he says to me on the phone tonight

'I'm going climbing straight from work tomorrow.Don't suppose you fancy it, do you? No? Oh well I'll speak to you over the weekend then and see if you're better.'

What f***ng world does he live in?

Do you know, I feel like telling him I am better and ready to give him a celebratory blow job, then when he comes rushing home, give him a big snog, making sure my tonsils come into contact with his....

And then leave him on his own for a fucking week in HIS hour of need.

He apologised.

How big of him.

You mean, before you told him off, he didn't see anything wrong?

And you'd already done the ironing?!

Deary me.

Let me guess: he's still going on the trip?

Honestly, k, I used to BE a climber.

There're a lot of reasons why I am no longer, and one of those is that, although you make GREAT friends w/other climbers, they are usually pretty shite at relationships.

I am glad you're feeling better and hopefully you're on the mend properly now. at doctor ringing - you must have been ill!

but I think if you let this slide, it will rankle badly and nothing will get sorted out - from what you've said it sounds like it's just a culmination of things and not you just being upset over an isolated incident. DOn't want to hassle you into to doing anything at all, but sounds like you have some further thinking and sorting out to do - don't rush it though, concentrate on getting better!

i told her that i wasn't really that ok with it and she was really angry. And she said she was ashamed of him.

and crucially, she bought me a pair of kneehigh Hobbs boots.

And I managed to eat half an omelette.

I had a bit of a council of war with her actually, and I have this afternoon decided that I am delaying making a decision about him until after Christmas. We're going on holiday on the 15th of december and we only return two days before xmas so if i decide it is over it will ruin the holiday and Christmas for me and my dd too. And if i make a decision and then hold back on telling him for that reason, well, it would be too obvious in my demeanour ad we would row all the time.

I'm not being devious, just biding my time I think. So there is a lot riding on his behaviour on holiday and over the Christmas period.

Not sure if i should tell him this though.

Can you move his mum in with you? She sounds MUCH nicer!

expat, i'm a climber too, and have noticed the same thing with most climbers (only actually been out with one climber apart from this one though).
A lot of them seem to be single, strangely....

I often wish we could swap mums. He and my mum are welcome to each other.

You've got your sense of humour back too! You MUST be better.

Hobbs boots

wow....

yes, move her in - she sounds great. glad you have a plan of action too.

Yeah, I can relate, Giraffe. Was married to one for 8 years and went out w/a lot of them.

Lots of nice, gorgeous and single ones.

Then you find out why.

Truth?

I am SO much happier now I'm w/someone who's not into that.

Climbing is inherently pretty selfish, especially when you get to the advanced stage.

At the end of the day, they seem incapable of giving what I finally realised I honestly needed and deserved.

Hope you find some peace, Giraffe, but truly, there's SO Much better out there.

He's not here for you and you have tonsilitis.

What if it were something else as innocuous as old age, or infirmity or just wanting something else?

Yep to all that expat.

I think we all know really what my decision will be but i think i have to give it till after Christmas. If only because I have worked bloody hard to pay for this very expensive holiday (not for all of it before you start!) and I want to enjoy it.

But how can you enjoy it when you're going w/a twat?

And who's to say you wouldn't meet someone better whilst on the holiday w/o twatmeister?

Cuz that has happened to me TWICE whilst on holiday w/ex-bf-selfish-git climber who a) left me on my own in Paris w/a wodge of cash after a row the first time whilst he skipped off to Chamonix b) left me alone in Chamonix whilst he skipped off to climb The Dru.

I was never alone for long .

Message withdrawn

No doubt, Aims!

Having been on holiday in similar situations, I can tell ya:

IT AIN'T WORTH IT!

No, I know, but I can't really go without him, as he has paid his fair share.

I don't want a miserable xmas, and if we split now, it will be. More than brushing it under the acrpet for a few eeks.

You're fooling yourself, Giraffe.

So what if he paid his fair share?

He's a twat who treated you like shit!

So go on holiday w/him and make it clear that you're going as two people on a permit for Broad Peak. Two SEPARATE people.

And how's it going to be more miserable at Xmas to not have someone who treats you like this around?

I can smell the coffee from here.

Message withdrawn

Well....I don't know.

I'm fairly good at overlooking stuff for the sake of a quiet life.

So three weeks or so will be fine.

I'm sure I can just 'nip' off all the time, leaving him with dd, on holiday.

And I don't know that i could go somewhere like Egypt as a single parent anyway. Would propbably not go anywhere else. And I need this holiday.
Some things about holidays though, that he thinks annoy me, actually don't- I just let him think they do so I have the option of looking gracious (eg him ignoring me to listen to ipod on flight- nope, I love the opportunity to read my book in peace; window seats- he loves, I hate, he thinks I am very kind. And so on. Who am I to correct him if he apologises?
So I may be able to snigger to myself anyway.

"I'm fairly good at overlooking stuff for the sake of a quiet life".

Hmmm. As long as you do not continue to overlook stuff for the sake of a quiet life. You will not have a "quiet life" if you continue to overlook transgressions.

Expat has in particular written wise words here; at the very least you need to carefully consider all that has been written.

Brushing things under the carpet will only lead to more resentment on your part. You may both act fine on the surface and have a nice holiday but the facts are he left you alone and didn't tell his Mum how ill you were; those feelings are still there and still bubbling away. You are also waking up to how selfish he actually is.

Perhaps you need to ask yourself what you are actually getting from this relationship and why you are actually with him.

This comment, "not wanting a miserable Christmas" is an excuse. He's made your life recently quite miserable enough as it is and this is not the only example of his selfishness is it?. What's Christmas therefore got to do with it?. Better to be alone with your DD and happier than to be badly accompanied.

I wish you and your DD both a nice holiday and a Happy Christmas.

Actually I can understand wanting to leave a break-up till after Christmas - though IME these things have a habit of forcing themselves at the most inconvenient moment, however you might try to put them off. Giraffe you sound as if you do realise all this this stuff is unacceptable in a partner, deep down.

I'm intrigued by the holiday comments re keeping him in the dark about what you do and don't like. You're playing mind games with him to get "one up" on him, aren't you? Why? - presumably because he lacks respect for you too. You know it can be so much better than this.

would you want a man to treat your dd like this in 20 years time?

because she will learn through living in your house that this sort of behaviour towards a loved one - ie not giving a monkeys - is okay and might well end up in a similar, unequal relationship as a result

she's better off learning that you can go it alone and love each other than that it's okay to have a useless oik around the place to skivvy for

if you get rid of him before Christmas you can have a lovely Christmas opening presents with your dd and having special time together

and a happy new year without this rubbish

how long have you been with him?

and I don't honestly think that him not knowing you don't mind him wearing his ipod is really anything to do with anything at all

Look, if I do it before Christmas I will be upset, because I do love him. So if I am upset, then so will my dd be.

I know, however, that I do need to do it, and I am going to. I am not willing to give up my holiday though, and I am not going to do it two days before Christmas. So it will be after Christmas.

It is over, effectively.

I hope, though, that he is ill between now and christmas, so I can refuse to nurse him.
Then maybe he will learn a valuable lesson for the future.

Or maybe I don't even care that much.

K, Giraffe. Sounds like a lotta love there.

I'm not sure what you're implying, expat?