How have I found myself in this situation...need someone to listen

[Thisisme85]

[Some details removed by MNHQ to protect privacy of OP]

Where to start...

I have been with my DH for [removed by MNHQ] and [removed by MNHQ], we met at university and have set up a beautiful life together. Recently moved into our dream forever home and were try to conceive.

My DH is such an amazing man, truly is the nicest people anyone will meet. But I have found myself in a situation where I am in love with another man. I can barely type the word affair, but yes that is what it is.

Trying to keep this brief...I got talking to a guy from work. I had very briefly seen him round the office but that was it and didn't take any notice of him. It was the end of the night and I ended up sitting with his team and chatting for a couple of hours. Literally me and him just so engrossed in each others conversation we didn't notice anyone else. We spoke about our other halves (he is married also) and how we were both trying to conceive. It felt good to speak to someone else about it and especially a man to get his view. When I got back to my room that night I remember thinking how easy it was to talk to him and how attracted I was to him. But it never once crossed my mind to take action on it.

The days roiled on and emails and texts were being exchanged. Not occasionally but continuously into the night and all day. But not once was it inappropriate or sexual. We were both so drawn to each others personalities that we wanted to talk to each other all the time. During work time we would meet with each other for the odd afternoon drink and catch up. It was during this friendship stage he told me the day he found out that his wife had successfully got pregnant. I was genuinely happy for them.

However, after a while we ended up admitting to each other how much we were attracted to each other. I wouldn't explain it as attraction only but two magnets. He is an amazing man and as I got to know him, I realised how much I loved him. After a while we slept with each other and we both told each other we loved each other.

It has been a couple of months since then and we see each other as much as we can, talk and text as much as we can also. However it pains me to know I can't have him...he is my perfect fit in everyway. I very often get upset at the idea of mourning what could have been with us to if we'd met 11 years ago. We talk a lot about this and he feels the same, but we have found ourselves in this situation and weren't looking for it.

I know people will struggle with my story, but I need some support. I know he won't leave his wife and neither do I want him too, my guilt is always for our partners. But we can't stop this pull to each other. I truly love him but I love my current life.

I suppose I need someone to tell me what already know but as no one else knows this I have found myself here.

Justaboy could be, this site is very glitchy I have regular fun and games with it.

emotionsecho I'm noticing. Took ages to log on recently i think there servers have issues. The threading of posts seem to alter sometimes if multiplexed.

There are always going to be people around who may be more suited to you, or as good as a current partner because 'the one' does not exist, many 'one's' do. Same goes for everyone, but some people make the choice not to go there, especially if they love the person they are with.
So either you don't love your DH, or you're a person who is more easily swayed by the next one, regardless of how happy you are.
Now you have crossed the Rubicon, you should be able to work out in the future if it was worth it.
Maybe you have not had opportunity to learn what the fallout of betrayal feels like before you got married. Perhaps if you had experienced situations like this previous to marriage, you would know that the grass is not always greener and value the 50/50 life you had with your DH.
At the moment, you know you fancy the OM, you know you are socially compatible, but you don't know how you would work out day to day long term. Its a shame, because you did know all these things about your DH, and you say it was a good life. You may well find that this good life you had is not as easy to obtain as you think it is.
If you elect to stay quiet, you will always feel different about your relationship with your DH, you will have to decide if you can tolerate that. You still need to work out why you have crossed a line, otherwise you will likely repeat this in future. Was there something missing? Did you need an ego boost for some reason? The OM is not some mystical, once in a lifetime person and he's not that great, after all, he was getting his wife pregnant at the same time as sleeping with you, obviously, he has his own flaws as a partner.