How did you find out they were cheating?

[Frecklesandspecs]

How, why and when?!

Me and H have had problems for quite a while and are on the verge of separating. (I want to, he doesn't)
Anyway he's always been a bit of a workaholic, often strolls in 10pm, never before 7. I'd just kind of got used to it until I ealised a few months ago he was going out at 5.30am. 6.30 am I can kind of Imagine e would be sensible but 5.30am just seems way too early and coming back at the time he does.
He walks to the station (20 mins roughly) and gets train into London (approx. 45 mins at most I think)
This happens every day pretty much. I know his job can have long hours and this has been hard to deal with but this just seems a bit nutty?!
I really am starting to wonder here.

HortonWho And that's why we have a cisco;)

HortonWho Pedant note!, Its another router not a modem that just gets the signals off the RF carrier on VM and thence to Ethernet then you need an Ethernet router.

Which i think will arouse her hubby's suspicions;)!

can someone explain "gaslighting" I havent heard it before

After snooping and finding losts and losts of ph0ne calls to a certain number, I questioned him, but I got, of course there is no one else . Meanwhile phone calls continued for a while, but stopped soon after.
Still no response, so I wrote him a very long, very emotional letter, and made him sit down and read it. I finally got the response I expected.
Disgusted of course. Moved into other room, but will stay, see how it works out. We are older, too old to start again. Destroyed all trust. Will be looking over shoulder.

oops ... "lots" , not lost .... dont think the grown kids would appreciate a chinese step mum

I found out when I walked towards his house and saw through the kitchen window that his ex wife was moving back in. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever get over it completely.

janus Gaslighting or gas-lighting is a form of mental abuse in which information is twisted or spun, selectively omitted to favour the abuser, or false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity.

Errm would it be like this justaboy?
I woke up one morning to find an empty beer bottle in my 'son's cot. H had lefton table.
Either nearly 2 year old had gone downstairs early and brought it up himself or something else.
I was really confused when h said he'd seen it there (hadn't bothered to remove it) and when asked said 'oh I thought you'd put it there for him to play with!!

Yes. Otherwise you have a poltergeist in residence problem;!.

Just a Boy, is it something like this ...
About 2 months ago, we went to a dinner dance, sat with 2 other friends, on about a 10 seat table. My friend and I sat together and hubby sat opposite me.
The next people to arrive, the lady sat next to my DH, with her DH on other side.
They got talking and my DH realised that he knew the ladies brother. Very nice and friendly. Her family were one of the original residents in the area, before 'progress', so they were talking about the old days. Very interesting chat. Soon, I noticed they were talking, head to head together, she was leaning forward, he was rubbing her back. A complete stranger! I was mortified, so embarrassed.
The next morning I brought it up. Told him how inappropriate it was. He insisted it didn't happen like that, that he just had his arm on the back of her chair. I was imagining things.
He almost convinced me, but I know what I saw.

Janus. They weren't strangers.

The usual script that has been mentioned quite a bit now.

Just being horrid to me and the kids.
Said such mean things to me that I am battling to get over (you are disgusting and that sort of thing. Booby trapped my vibrator... I had a whole post here about that. Told me there is something wrong with me as I cannot orgasm without, er other help)

I found out as he had left his gmail account open on the computer. Read all of their messages. Had been going on for ages. All the lies he had told me just came crashing down... cannot believe that I believed all that shit he laid on me.

Of course if was him not me. But sex could have been better he claimed. I did wonder where all the new moves and positions came from before I found out..... bastard! And he loved me but wasn't in love with me but still wants to be my best friend.

But deep down I just knew. I wish I had trusted my instincts more...

My confirmation came from his mobile phone bills. Constantly ringing certain number. At all hours whilst I worked nights. While my kids were asleep in bed.
I put the number into Facebook's search bar. Boom! The woman I'd suspected for about 4 months.

The checking of stains on his indies is a classic ' I know . I'm looking for clarification.. you know it but don't want to accept
I'm still checking 19 yrs later.. yes you can say 'what a fool you are'
Of course this merry dance we play is exhausting and consuming.. my children would never forgive me for leaving.. that guilt right there is why I continue.. I can make nice all day long.. the bitter all consuming hate for oneself is never ending .. blaming of parents failings is part n parcel I'm afraid..monkey see monkey do... I'm an intelligent professional women and I find myself loathing the person I have become.
I hope to find myself again in this debilitating fog that is existence
Trust your gut .. it's the only non prescriptive feelings by that that entirely exists😊