Gifts for exes ....

[Merrygiftmas]

I've been seeing someone for nearly a year. I have a child from a previous relationship as does he.

It's his exes birthday soon and I understand he should buys card and a small gift from the child, I encourage this and do the same for my ex and he for me.

My idea of a gift though is a card and chocolates or a bottle of wine.
My boyfriend has spent more time planning a gift from the "children", he's been to two shops that they used to frequent together in search of a gift, messaged her a million times asking what she wants and when she also said a token gift will be fine, he decided to go out and by a card from himself and one from the child. He has settled on having a massive great bunch of flowers delivered and I just don't think it's appropriate.

Am I being silly ? What do you give and receive from exes on behalf of your children.

OP your own lack of dignity, as well as insight, is astonishing.

And he's your boss? You stupid stupid fool.

By him telling his wife his decision might change in the future he's stringing her along. He basically just doesn't want to be single. I hope she never wants him back. She deserves so much better than such a poor excuse for a man.

Most people walk away with dignity when someone tells them they don't love or want them anymore You're missing the fact that he didn't tell her though, she found out he was cheating. Whatever you say about it not being physical you must have openly crossed over enough lines for a third party to be sure enough what was going on. And if things were allegedly so bad between your partner and his wife why was she so shocked at him wanting to leave? They were intimate with each other recently enough to have young DC between them.

To answer your actual question, regardless of whether his motivation is driven by guilt or by wanting to get back with her he should be investing that amount of emotional energy with his partner, not his ex. I might therefore conclude that he views his wife as being his partner more than he does you... (my ex did this when I left him, still acted as though we were the primary relationship even after his new DP was pregnant with his child).

So many of these posts reek of misogyny. The main bad guy here is the married man. Yet many posters want him to sack off the OW, go back to his wife and be happy, and leave OW out in the cold.

So the married, cheating fucker deserves a happy ending as long as the woman is punished? That defies all logic and sense.

OP, if this is real, he sounds a total knob.

the biggest stink of all comes from the op herself

OP - hugs

My reading of the situation is that you have been played. There will be very few women where you work that will have any pleasant opinion of you and you may find yourself actively shunned. The men in the office will think less of you. They may try it on with you, as you are now seen as 'easy'. It isn't fair, but that is how things work. I would find another job asap.

If he is fussing over his ex then he is paying emotional attention to what she wants and needs which takes that away from you. You are 'safe', he perhaps doesn't need to fuss you too much as you have now so much to lose. You made a massive statement about your identity by leaving your husband for a married man. If it fails it will be for nothing.

You have identified yourself as a women who goes after other women's husbands, whether that is true or not. You will be treated differently for years because of that.

Your partner will likely not let you go easily because he wants the attention and he also made a high stakes play, but he is less likely to suffer socially. However I suspect you will be thrown to the wolves if you do leave him and he will paint you as a conniving Jezebel in order to try and get back to his wife. You will get a lot of blame and I suggest you stay away from things like Facebook.

I would suggest that you get yourself out of this mess with as much dignity as you can scratch together. How is an exit going to affect your child? Are you able to move areas? Perhaps not far, but enough to give a change of scene and a small amount of new start? How does your ex see this, and is he likely to cause you problems if he knows you are single? How about your family and ex-inlaws?

Your partner's wife and children have been through absolute hell because of your actions, and I think you should perhaps try and consider their situation with compassion. However I think you could end up in a worse position. This isn't karma, it's being played, and bad judgement and all sorts of stuff. Good luck.

Just so you know I'm not a scorned woman, that I know of none of my partners have cheated on me. I'm just a normal person with compassion and empathy for others. I could never do to another woman what you have done and could never cheat on a partner. ????For what it's worth, I hope he stays with you. Far better to mess with your head than go back and do it to his wife and children.

I don't believe the wife was 'interfering' or 'overbearing', this is just an exaggeration of 'my wife doesn't understand me'.

You've had your answer several times OP. He's either keeping her bed warm for when he's bored of you or wanting back with her because he never really wanted to leave her in the first place but she kicked him out on discovering he'd been unfaithful (no I'm not buying 'nothing happened' as if it were only emotional what would there be for a colleague to notice? Plus most wives don't react immediately to an emotional affair by kicking him out).

I'm also fairly sure OP and her partner work for military/mod which means both careers will also be affected and it may not be that easy for the OP to transfer/leave her job. Also, and I agree this is unfair, the OP will be judged more harshly than her partner will.

Baconyum..for the record, I think the husband is an utter tosser and I hope that he ends up on his own. It's no less than he deserves. However, I do feel particularly irritated by the OP given her utter contempt of the wife, her lack of self-awareness, her entitlement and her inability to see the horrific pain and devastation both their actions have caused to an innocent party. Never mind the effects on the children involved. I agree with every word in the second paragraph of your post!

Agreed MrsC not pleasant people the OP and her bf

I am assuming OP you are finding it upsetting that your DP is clearly more interested in getting back with his wife. Probably doesn't hurt quite as much as the hurt his wife experienced when she found out about you.

I hope his wife has enough sense to not take him back. You were the OW by the way, despite your claims nothing happened. You don't end a marriage with children involved on the basis that nothing happened. She obviously saw enough.

I think reap what you sow springs to mind. You seem well suited and insensitive.

Just, wow.