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Original poster

Gifts for exes ....

138 replies

Merrygiftmas · 18/09/2015 09:49

I've been seeing someone for nearly a year. I have a child from a previous relationship as does he.

It's his exes birthday soon and I understand he should buys card and a small gift from the child, I encourage this and do the same for my ex and he for me.

My idea of a gift though is a card and chocolates or a bottle of wine.
My boyfriend has spent more time planning a gift from the "children", he's been to two shops that they used to frequent together in search of a gift, messaged her a million times asking what she wants and when she also said a token gift will be fine, he decided to go out and by a card from himself and one from the child. He has settled on having a massive great bunch of flowers delivered and I just don't think it's appropriate.

Am I being silly ? What do you give and receive from exes on behalf of your children.

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 19/09/2015 21:08

Holy fuck!!! Are you for real? You are surely a troll? Nobody could be that utterly without any empathy whatsoever. "Most people"? Let me tell you lady, I lost two stone in two weeks, my hair fell out, I couldn't eat, sleep (still can't), I had an autistic child to care for and my eldest child had a breakdown. How fucking DARE you say "most people walk away with dignity". Life's experience? 10 years? 14 years? Children? Oh well, that's OK, it's been an experience, so I'll just bugger off and do something else. You have NO clue. No clue whatsoever. You ARE a homewrecker sweetheart, whichever way you wish to dress it up. His wife momentarily lost her dignity by calling you, because her life had been destroyed and you have the temerity to say "I did not lure him, he chose me over her". I really hope you get your just desserts in life. You are foul.

RedMapleLeaf · 19/09/2015 21:12

Most people walk away with dignity when someone tells them they don't love or want them any more, hold your head up high and notch it up to life's experience.

But doesn't your current situation show you that feelings and love aren't always that simple?

Baconyum · 19/09/2015 21:15

I agree

You ARE a homewrecker, you seem to completely lack compassion or empathy. Including for the child whose home and father you took.

MrsC and I have very similar experiences. Most people who's relationships end do not just 'get over it' within a year especially if there's been infidelity. The likely reason she's not with someone else yet is because she doesn't trust people now because of what you and your bf did.

Is he military by any chance? If so the majority of them are incapable of being faithful. I speak as a brat that married one (stupidly I really should have known better).

My ex had 2 ow on the go at the time we split and was still trying to get into my pants up to and including the day before his wedding to no 2. Wife. He's currently on affair no 3 since they married.

But hey, I'm sure if he is sleeping with his ex or anyone else YOUR reaction won't be 'ott'.

ohtheholidays · 19/09/2015 21:21

My ex husband used to still buy me gifts for my birthday and mothers day,I'd left him but no one else was involved.

It made me feel really uncomfortable because as far as I was concerned we'd both moved on,I'd had 3 more children and was living with my OH and engaged to be married.
He was also engaged and living with his OH,they'd been together about 3 years longer than myself and my OH(now DH)and they'd had a child together.

I came home one day to find a massive bouquet of red roses had been delivered for mothers day from my ex and he hadn't even bothered to get his poor OH a card from they're LO.Honestly they must have cost him over £50.My DH has always bought me preasents and cards from all 5DC and himself on Mothers Day and for my birthdays and christmas.So I have no idea why my ex husband started buying me stuff as well.

It just made me feel awful for his partner and she found out,not from me and hit the bloody roof.

BravingSpring · 19/09/2015 21:28

You need to wake up, you are a home wrecker, you didn't want your husband anymore so you decided to take someone else's.

His wife (are they even divorced yet) sounds very dignified under the circumstances, you sound like a cold bitch, "he chose me over her", you should be ashamed.

He's clearly very guilty and full of regret, good luck with that.

Cloppysow · 19/09/2015 21:43

I had a little bit of sympathy for you until your last post OP.

Your arrogance is offensive.

TheFormidableMrsC · 19/09/2015 21:51

Cloppy, indeed, that did it for me and I was trying to be kind given my situation. Well we can all hope that when the OP is dumped for the ex wife, the next cocklodge, she'll post here...Hmm. I am trying so hard to recover, two years on, every day is a struggle...but OP thinks I should be dignified and notch it up to experience. I hope she takes her own advice when, not if, it happens to her....

lunar1 · 19/09/2015 21:53

Your last post tells everyone exactly who you are. You have a fucking vile attitude.

BeyondDespair · 19/09/2015 22:09

Sounds like he's still got feelings for the ex (good job someone has, poor woman). Sending her tons of texts and sending massive bunch of flowers?

Lets hope you'll be able to walk away with dignity when he tells you he doesn't love or want you any more. Remember to hold your head up high and notch it up to life's experiences!

summerwinterton · 19/09/2015 22:14

so then - why aren't you walking away with dignity? Because he doesn't want you at all. He will be back with her in a blink of an eye if she will let him. Or maybe he is already eyeing up his next squeeze.

Reap what you sow don't you?

TheFormidableMrsC · 19/09/2015 22:14

Yes do remember OP, you're just temporary because he's told you. I hope the ex wife finds somebody absolutely worthy of her because she deserves nothing less. A million bunches of flowers won't make up for what you two have done. Stay away from the children, you're the last thing they need.

jumperoo1940 · 19/09/2015 22:37

Hang on a minute everyone, this thread is getting a bit personal. OP came on here for some help, and has been completely honest about her situation. Isn't this board about supporting people regardless? OP might not have acted with decency, or empathy, but the person deserving of the blame is the husband.

OP, personally I don't think it sounds like this guy is committed to you. As for his ex, after a year she has probably moved way past the point of wanting him back. She won't be 'over' what he did to her, as you don't ever really get over it, but she is probably at the point where she sees him for what he is. You'll get there too.

TheFormidableMrsC · 19/09/2015 22:42

jumperoo, read OP's last post. I am sorry, but I have no time for somebody that lacking in self awareness. I also do not agree with the whole "the only person to blame is the husband". He is totally to blame, but so is the OW who knowingly involved herself with a married man with children. There is NO get out from that. She knew, she did it, here are the consequences. I am sick of women like her who justify their fucking dreadful behaviour by blaming the wife, "she couldn't help it", they had "feelings". ODFOD. Grow up.

BeyondDespair · 19/09/2015 23:10

Also very controlling. Why would this OW want to interfere in what a child (not their own) is buying for their mother (via the father)?? Very odd. Does the boyfriend decide what OW's child buys OW (via the ex husband)?

Cloppysow · 19/09/2015 23:24

This has actually beckme very personal, i agree. You can't take out your issues with your ex and the ow on someone entirely unrelated just because there was some similarity in your situations. OP isn't responsible for the break up of every marriage, you're directing your anger at the wrong person.

That said, her last post was bloody awful.

TheFormidableMrsC · 19/09/2015 23:38

I don't think that anybody is taking out their issues on OP with regards to their ex..I assume that comment was aimed at me. Neither do I blame OP for the break up of every marriage. I do, however, think she needs to take some responsibility for what she has done and indeed make some sort of effort to understand the utter life changing pain she has inflicted on a family. She hasn't, thus she hasn't got a clue. She will one day though if she keeps on having affairs with married men.

WellWhoKnew · 20/09/2015 00:23

Personal or otherwise, the OP has shown herself up as self-serving and is now asking women for their sympathy for her situation.

What's stark is that few have sympathy for her. What's most apparent is that no one has empathy for her either.

So she has no respect for other women. But now asks women for their support.

Go figure.

iamanintrovert · 20/09/2015 06:11

No presents to or from exes in this house. They are exes, not family or friends. His behaviour suggests to me that he still has feelings for her.

Scarydinosaurs · 20/09/2015 06:53

And now he's telling you that in the future he wants to return to her.

You're kidding yourself if you think that comment means anything other than "I am intending on leaving." Everyone knows that you can't predict the future; no one says that to someone they are in love with.

AnyFucker · 20/09/2015 12:22

I have no feelings to project here and I still think, if op is real, that she sounds like a piece of work

Original poster
Merrygiftmas · 20/09/2015 13:01

Anyfucker .. Why would I not be real, do people really come on these boards and post for the fun of winding up women?
I came on and I told the truth, I do not wrap myself in gold shiny paper and say I'm Wonder Woman, I know my own faults and do not need you or anyone else telling me how awful I am.
I was awful yes, but I would have accepted if somebody had told me they didn't love me, maybe I say that because I've not been in the situation.

I was never asking for sympathy or empathy. More just people telling me what they for and didn't get for their exes , so I could gage an opinion of others.
If I had not been honest I would have received an answer that did not fit my own story.

I guess I have my own answer as yesterday was her birthday, he decided that he would go "visit" the children and have an evening off of work.
I gather that his plan is to keep me going until he knows whether he wants to go back fully or if she'll have him back and I'm not going to sit and wait.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 20/09/2015 13:04

That poor woman. Like I said up thread, I think it unlikely this is the first time he has "left her" for some gullible and willing other person.

mylovelylife · 20/09/2015 13:18

Most people walk away with dignity when someone tells them they don't love or want them anymore, hold your head up high and notch it up to life's experience

Married people don't - that's the purpose of the vows, to try and resolve issues especially if there are children. Most women are blindsided (in a state of shock) when their husband who has been lying to them, tells them they want to leave. They rarely confess to the OW straight away, it's always about needing time alone, being confused etc. To think that she is weak shows you have little emotional maturity and empathy and that is something you would do well to work on (as in the long run it will help you).

The poor woman - no doubt she is dealing with him springing backwards to her but also knows he's not being open with you.In the middle are the children and she is likely to be trying to protect them.

WickedWax · 20/09/2015 13:36

He's basically told you that you'll do for now, he doesn't really see a future with you, yet I don't see you walking away with dignity, head held high, notching it up to one of life's experience.

Instead you're bleating on here because he wants to buy his wife a nice gift. Confused

jumperoo1940 · 20/09/2015 13:51

Merry you're right not to sit and wait. He's treating you how he treated his wife. Badly. Kick him out of your life, he's a selfish shit.

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