A woman's perspective please....

[Timnicebutdim2015]

This could be a long one. Feel free to tell me where to get off but I'm desperate for a woman's take on my situation. I'm late 40s, I've been in a relationship for the best part of two decades with a significantly older lady, while passion is a distant memory we are both happy, she is my best friend and I had been faithful.
About 6 months ago I met someone else. As the old saying goes, if something seems too good to be true.... I was completely open with my new friend regarding my domestic situation and she accepted it. She was enthusiastic and passionate, she made me feel alive and made me realise what I was missing. We had so much in common and enjoyed each others company. It was seemingly perfect. Despite being in her 40s and 'on the pill' a month in she announced she was pregnant with my child. Ahh, the miracle of conception.
One of the things we had in common was a lack of desire to have children, for me the term 'lack of desire' is an understatement, Ill go as far as to say I don't like children (sorry) Regardless of my feelings I offered to support her in whatever she decided to do, after initially choosing to have a termination she has decided to go it alone and have the child. Im still with my original partner and while Im aware I should have considered her before having a fling the thought of breaking this news to her doesn't bear thinking about. Shes innocent and deserves better.
New lady is still determined to do her own thing, she is someone who is fiercely independent with a career she worked hard to achieve. Im Mr Ordinary, I have an ordinary job, an ordinary house, I am not a 'catch'. Im not worth trapping even though I feel Im in a situation beyond my control.
Ive been given the options of being with new lady, not being with new lady but having contact with the child or just walking away. As unlikely as it seems, I DO have a conscience, I will pay for the child despite being told she wants nothing from me.
Im just at a loss as to where to go from here.

Cheaper than the sperm bank.

Given her age that has crossed my mind, but........why me?
She could do a lot better.

Which woman's perspective do you want? The cuckolded partner or the other woman?

A womans perspective, cheating & lack of contraception despite not wanting kids?

I hope you have your flame proof suit on OP.

Or even the child?

What led you to a parenting forum to ask this question?

I hope this helps you, but I think what is done is done, yes you regret this "fling" but it's because she is now pregnant with your child. I think your partner will find out and it's better it comes from you now then when a women and a baby turn up on your front door. It will be so very hard but you should do the right thing and explain what you have on here, she will be heartbroken but trust me it will be a lot worse if she finds out another way. If you walk away from your child you might not regret it now or in the next few years but you will always wonder and I think once you shut the door it's something that can never be put together.
Think long term not right now, it's too emotional and raw. Trust me be as open as you just have been and it will work out in the end but no more hiding things it won't help you in the long run. Good luck and be strong.

Why do you say that about yourself? Why can she do a lot better? It's done, she is having your baby. You need to be open to your partner because it will hurt a lot more if she finds out by a child support letter in the post, or the women and child turning up and the child wants to meet her/his father.

They all have a Diploma in it, Maryz.

There's a special correspondence school they enrol on.

'How to talk to ladies like a Romantic Poet'.

I think she could do a lot better too.

The person who is going to get hurt the most in all this is your partner. What do you think would be the right and decent and moral thing for you to do for her now, bearing in mind your previous behaviour has been none of these things?

I think you should walk away.

This will not go well.

In other words, you're fucked basically

Um is there not an option to, you know, tell your loving partner of so many years what has been going on? That option doesn't seem to be on the list. I'm sure she might want to know you have fathered someone elses child. o
Or are you planning on seeing this child in secret if you don't 'walk away'? What about when the child is older and wants to know who it's father is?

You say your partner deserves 'better'. Better than what? Being cheated on and lied to? Do you really tihnk you are being noble somehow by not telling her? Because if you do you are deluded.

A quick walk with the dogs and its all happening. Thank you Greenfaith, I know you're right in what you say I'm just dreading 'the talk'.
I'm here because I followed the relationships tab, I apologise if I've posted anything inappropriate.
Doreen, I'm looking for the perspective of the 'other woman',
A lack of contraception? actually she was on the pill..........no wait........

I've screwed up and looking for damage limitation. Is it reasonable for me to feel reluctant about committing to someone I don't know for the sake of a child I in all honesty don't want?

"situation beyond your control"

If you didnt want children, you should have taken better precautions > consequenses

Do you know the child is yours 100% ?

Being a father is not just about payment, it is about spending quality time together, just being there for the next 50+ years...

I think you need to leave your existing partner & be honest with her

Both women may not wish to be with you, but that does not stop you being a father

'It's all happening'

Tim contraception is the responsibility of both partners.

Did you not use a condom?

You chose not to bother with contraception. What an idiot.

Unfortunately no.

Will your current chested on partner not notice the change in your household budget of a 3 figure sum going off in child support every month?

Are you going to invent an every other weekend for 3 hours on a Saturday type hobby to cover for your child contact?

1. End your current relationship - you've treated her like shit, and clearly you can't be trusted not to do it again

1. Don't get together with shiny new woman too quickly

1. Do right by your child financially and giving time

1. Use condoms when you start cheating on latest woman

Cabrinha, actually we did bother. The lady was 'on the pill' admittedly with hindsight I should have taken other precautions, with hindsight we wouldnt be in this position.

Men who definitely dont want children make sure it definitely doesnt happen. Either by abstaining from sex or having a vasectomy. Clearly you have trouble with one of those options so the other seems like a good idea in your case.

The most important person you need to prioritise in all of this is the child you have created. You do not have to commit to its mother in order to do right by this child. Children have a right to contact with both their parents. You however are under no obligation to facilitate this on your part but you would be depriving him/her of their father. That is no small thing.

What you do with new lady or current lady i couldnt give a fuck.