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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

May I ask a question?

163 replies

gaafan · 30/08/2015 17:02

Hello. I am a gentleman of 33, single for just a touch under a year. If you do not object I would be very happy if you could answer a question from a female perspective. I am weighing up whether to ask a woman out for a coffee. She works in a place I go to to socialise. We've exchanged pleasantries and nothing more, although I suspect she has noticed I am frequenting her establishment with increasing regularity. So, the question. If you were asked out by a man whom you were not interested in getting to know further (just looking at the worst case scenario) in an unthreatening manner and environment, is there any harm done to you as the person receiving the invite? In other words would I be putting the other person unintentional ly in a difficult position should they for whatever reason need to decline, or as I perhaps naively hope, would what I hope is a warm feeling of being flattered still be there if you don't fancy the person who asked you out . Apologies for a mealy-mouthed post but really Id love to hear what you think.

OP posts:
gaafan · 04/09/2015 01:02

I hope so yes. The signs I got were that she wouldn't be averse to it. Funny how a few days ago I was being told how approaching her at all would be some kind of insulting catastrophe. ...Sometimes it's good not to listen to people

OP posts:
LeonC · 04/09/2015 12:01

Definitely. DS1 listens to my advice and immediately does the exact opposite. DS2 listens to me, his father, his friends and colleagues. Then he has a good think and then makes his decision. It may or may not be what he has been advised to do but it is the right decision for him.
So, should I start looking at hats?

ICantThinkOfAUsernameH · 04/09/2015 18:55

Keep us updated Grin

RyanORiley · 05/09/2015 05:29

OP, I think it bodes well that you thought about how someone else would feel in a situation, asked for advice and that you were gentle in your expression. Sounds like it is going well, and whilst there is a value in being direct, there is another kind of value in strong words being softly spoken. Good luck.

Playnicelyforfiveminutes · 05/09/2015 05:39

Ah how nice of you !

I've always liked being asked out, even if it's awkward at the time I feel flattered.

Agree you should go for it :)

Heather44 · 05/08/2016 19:24

Would any know if putting blinds and curtains together in the kitchen would look ok?I've got vertical blinds at the minute but thought curtains as well as just a decoration any advice great

whirlygirly · 05/08/2016 21:36
Hmm
whirlygirly · 05/08/2016 21:39

Actually, I do have advice. No. Not curtains and blinds together in a kitchen. Dated and cluttered imo. Plus all that fabric will absorb cooking smells.

MrJW · 06/09/2016 21:42

I am in dire need of some wisdom from the other side now as I am concerned that my relationship is circling the drain. Me and my Fiancé currently have a beautiful two year old girl, lets call her A. Some time ago I was the bread bringer doing the usual routine, wake up, work, come home, squeeze in as much daughter time as possible before she goes to bed, hoover, do dishes, empty bins and talk to my (at the time girlfriend, have since proposed) about her day. Then my partner got a call from her part time job saying that if she returned full time she would receive a better position with higher pay. After figuring this was the smartest financial move and she was keen to return to work I agreed and that was that. But lately things seem to have changed some... She currently is working more hours than usual and is very tired which is entirely understandable but she at this rate doesn't want to look at me? And please don't dismiss this as a woe is me not enough sex as there is more to it. No we don't have sex, hug or barely even kiss hello or goodbye, I have to instigate every "i love you" and even then she seems hesitant or frustrated. Any day she has free from work is spent with a friend or out with a group having a drink, if we have plans I am frequently replaced with another friend to do the same activity her birthday is this month and we were going to see Bridget Jones (I am secretly a fan) and now I was told (not asked if I minded) I was no longer invited and she was now bringing someone else entirely. Even if she is home for the evening she goes onto tv or a movie or her phone and becomes unresponsive unless she's demanding I fetch her something or she asks whats for dinner. I also have not had a night off from A for over a month living on 3-4 hours sleep a night with no free time unless she falls asleep even then its just catching up on housework as she claims to be too tired. I now feel 100% uninteresting and frankly just unappealing. the only real conversations are her demanding why I haven't cooked her lunch for the following day. My question is this... Do I keep trying here or is my relationship more or less over and I'm just being kept around as a maid, babysitter and chef. even as a write this I feel as though it sounds hugely unrealistic and as though I may be exaggerating but I assure you I am not. HELP

Hollykbs88 · 17/03/2017 21:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Houseofmirth66 · 17/03/2017 21:58

Hello Gaafan : )

secretgardens · 17/03/2017 23:35

Holly you need to start your own thread if you haven't already. If you are scared your dh is trying to kill you the only sensible thing to do is leave asap. You cannot live in that state of fear and to be honest it sounds as though your fears are well grounded.

herwegoagain123 · 18/03/2017 01:40

Holly! You can't carry on like this. The only thing YOU can do is to get away from him very quietly so he doesn't suspect. I think you may be right and if so you are in danger. He does not love you so you must stop thinking he does. It all sounds very chilling.
Get in touch with womanaid who can begin to advise you.
You need to look after you.
You are responsible for you so take the matter onto your own hands and get away. Make peace with your mum and she may help you.

herwegoagain123 · 18/03/2017 01:43

As you don't have many friends or family you are an easy target. Please leave him as soon as you can. Can you also change the insurance? Ring them up. Do something for goodness sake!!

laurenomarixxo · 07/07/2017 10:14

took a clear blue preg test today which is 6 days before expected period. this is what showed up what do you reckon this is? came after 3 or 4 minutes xx

May I ask a question?
SparklyMagpie · 07/07/2017 10:25

Posted on wrong thread i take it

RedStripeIassie · 07/07/2017 10:31

Is this the thread for asking questions completely unrealated to the op?!

I've just put some really grubby jeans on a twenty minute wash to be ready for a weekend away. Will 20mins be enough to get mud and grass stains out?

AnyFucker · 07/07/2017 10:37

Can anyone tell me where the keys to my patio door are ?

SleepingTiger · 07/07/2017 12:17

Looks like he got her whalebone corset off then. Eventually.

Joysmum · 07/07/2017 15:56

Can anyone tell me where the keys to my patio door are ?

Yes, they are in your patio door Grin

AnyFucker · 07/07/2017 16:39

Nope.

CakeForBreakfast · 07/07/2017 16:44

Try the fruit bowl.

I have a door that doesn't close easily. Any ideas?

unfortunateevents · 07/07/2017 17:06

Anyone got any ideas what I can make for dinner this evening?

Monr0e · 07/07/2017 17:28

In buzz lightyears rocket? That's where DS hid our keys once because they were "tired" and needed a rest Hmm

GuyMartinsSideburns · 07/07/2017 18:14

You might want to look over your garden fence, that's where ours were Hmm cheers ds

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