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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

May I ask a question?

163 replies

gaafan · 30/08/2015 17:02

Hello. I am a gentleman of 33, single for just a touch under a year. If you do not object I would be very happy if you could answer a question from a female perspective. I am weighing up whether to ask a woman out for a coffee. She works in a place I go to to socialise. We've exchanged pleasantries and nothing more, although I suspect she has noticed I am frequenting her establishment with increasing regularity. So, the question. If you were asked out by a man whom you were not interested in getting to know further (just looking at the worst case scenario) in an unthreatening manner and environment, is there any harm done to you as the person receiving the invite? In other words would I be putting the other person unintentional ly in a difficult position should they for whatever reason need to decline, or as I perhaps naively hope, would what I hope is a warm feeling of being flattered still be there if you don't fancy the person who asked you out . Apologies for a mealy-mouthed post but really Id love to hear what you think.

OP posts:
LeonC · 31/08/2015 14:23

Gaafan, what's your date plan?
What will you wear?
Aftershave?
I wonder what effort men put into grooming for a big date.
(Grooming in the showering and washing hair sense not the pervy sense)

itsraininginbaltimore · 31/08/2015 15:14

Aaaaw

gaafan · 31/08/2015 17:35

Thanks itsraining-Baltimore USA or Ireland? LeonC thanks for your posts they are all really supportive and insightful. My plan is post work shower shave moisturise, Dior Sport aftershave, fake leather (vegetarian) or sports jacket, pressed cotton shirt jeans loake shoes. We'll go to a specialist bar in central London which does really good quality bar snacks and take it from there. My good friend at work is from the same country as her so will ask him about any cultural nuances. Thanks for your interest. So many nice people here.

OP posts:
itsraininginbaltimore · 31/08/2015 17:57

Loake shoes? You are loaded then?

itsraininginbaltimore · 31/08/2015 17:57
Grin
LeonC · 31/08/2015 18:05

That sounds good, you seem trendy and I love Chanel. I'd probably want to spend the evening sniffing your neck if you were my date. I never get asked twice unless it's to apologise........

gaafan · 31/08/2015 19:31

Not loaded no just got an eye for quality. Better to buy well and look after stuff I find. LeonC you sound lovely I'm sure if you're single you'll have some dating success. I'd been through a dry spell like the Gobi desert thought it would never end until I decided "feck it" and tried.

OP posts:
LeonC · 31/08/2015 20:59

'Feck it' sums up my philosophy of life. 'I'll have another Paddy and Red' is another.

AnyFucker · 31/08/2015 21:00

get a room, you two Wink

spudlike1 · 31/08/2015 21:15

Ask her out ....politely and sweetly ...give her time to think about it that's important because it might surprise her . In my experience men are very poor at this Ive had occasions when I think a man likes me (.acts like he does) wish he would just ask.me out , but when he dosen't I give up .

spudlike1 · 31/08/2015 21:15

Oh shit I missed a chunk of the post ...oops

gaafan · 31/08/2015 22:00

Thanks spudlike. Hopefully I was polite enough. I used to prevaricate but to hell with it, I fancied her, once my desire for her to know that overtook my stupid male pride and fear of rejection the rest fell into place.

OP posts:
ICantThinkOfAUsernameH · 31/08/2015 22:22

Keep us updated! I shall look forward to hearing on Thursday afterwards! Grin I'm so nosy

spudlike1 · 31/08/2015 22:36

I've worked in loads of pubs and cafés in my twenties men would Lear , make jokes , talk about your body parts with their mates or with you...but never politely ask you on a date in a gentlemanly fashion .......hope less men are ..well done op
btw if a man had done I would have always said yes ..as it's shows such strength of character ..
If this date dosen't work out ..don't worry

gaafan · 31/08/2015 22:53

Thanks spudlike. It is pretty hard to ask a woman out tbh. If I had been disrespectful my sister would have assassinated me. One good thing about being an Irishman you know your place..second to the women who raise you. .

OP posts:
jezestbelle · 01/09/2015 22:53

Second place to the women that raised you sounds good to me!

Fairenuff · 01/09/2015 23:10

It's been a while since we had a live romance on mn. Can't wait to hear all about the date OP. (If you were a regular we'd have you nipping off to the loo to update us halfway through but we'll let you off this time and just wait patiently Grin)

Theydontknowweknowtheyknow · 01/09/2015 23:15

Ah this thread is lovely! Should I get my wedding hat out for the first MN wedding?

Hmm has there been an MN-encouraged wedding before I wonder?

gaafan · 03/09/2015 21:59

I just got back home.

OP posts:
ICantThinkOfAUsernameH · 03/09/2015 22:02

How was it?!

gaafan · 03/09/2015 22:08

Really good. I was surprised and happy in this city of transience that the same barman works there. She was so nice and easy to talk to. She said she is surprised people aren't more outgoing here in terms of asking each other out which contradicts some.of what I was being told after OP. All in all after a very bad day at work, I am going to award 'douze points'!!

OP posts:
gaafan · 03/09/2015 22:12

May I add she said she finds English people nice but tie each other up in knots when it comes to personal life/romance. Where she comes from " I fancy you, would you like to go for.dinner with me" is fairly standard so she says

OP posts:
ICantThinkOfAUsernameH · 03/09/2015 22:38

Ah sounds positive! Any follow up dates arranged?

Oblique27 · 03/09/2015 22:51

Nice to read a "good news" thread Smile

LeonC · 03/09/2015 23:03

That's great Gaafan. Will you have another date?
(Nice Eurovision reference)