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Original poster

Police have just phoned and I'm reeling... (MNHQ have amended title - potential trigger re: sexual abuse)

112 replies

Shameandregret · 25/08/2015 21:07

I was raped by my cousin when I was 10 and he was 13 or 14 (I can't remember his definite age). He also sexually assaulted a 3 year old girl at about the same time. I also know he assaulted my aunt when they were both adults.

I have had a police video interview as the girl who was assaulted as a 3 year old made a complaint.

Police have just phoned me to give an update. They have done the arrest and my cousin is saying he knows nothing. The other girl has given a sketchy account and they still have to interview a couple of other key people. They can't track down my aunt and have asked me to try HmmConfusedSad I'm no contact with her as basically she used me as a sacrificial lamb in the family and allowed them all to call me a liar, knowing the truth, to save her marriage.

The police man actually has just said to me that he doesn't know if they can take the investigation forward as it will be difficult to prove my rape wasn't wasn't consent based or child experimentation? I was s tiny ten year old who weighed 3 stone, he was a huge fat 13/14 year old who physically pinned me down. It has taken me years to realise that this wasn't my fault. Now the police seem to be saying it is?!?

I'm reeling. Surely I shouldn't be having to track down my aunt? Should I? I can't believe they don't believe me. I just want to cry for the 10 year old me. I'm necking wine (I know wrong move) and just can't think straight. I should have refused to give a statement. Fuck fuck fuck. Sorry I'm not making sense SadSadSad

OP posts:
kittybiscuits · 25/08/2015 21:11

So sorry. I believe you. You must be so shocked. You're making sense. Maybe a cup of tea with some sugar. Your brain must be working overtime. Don't decide or do anything until you've calmed down. X

Skiptonlass · 25/08/2015 21:13

It wasn't your fault. You were ten years old.

Can you call rape crisis? You shouldn't be dealing with this alone.

OLDcadet · 25/08/2015 21:14

at ten years old? you were TEN?! and the police say it would be difficult to prove that that wasn't consensual? I though that the law was that all sex with a minor was non-consensual. Whatever about two fifteen year olds experimenting and the police turning a blind eye, you were TEN.

I'm shocked on your behalf. I agree with you, you shouldn't have to do the police's work for them.

prettywhiteguitar · 25/08/2015 21:16

Is there a charity that can advise you ? Perhaps rape crisis can help you deal with what the police are asking. You need to speak to trained professionals who can help you with your trauma

The police maybe were trying to be honest with you and manage expectations but fuck I would be really fuming !!

twirlypoo · 25/08/2015 21:16

Oh sweetheart, im sorry. I've been in your shoes (I was 11) but I believe you Thanks

Original poster
Shameandregret · 25/08/2015 21:20

I didn't even make the original fucking complaint. I didn't want any of this shit as I had only just left my physically abusive husband and been made redundant and I'm going through a divorce. I threw up 3 times in the interview. I've been dredging this shut up weekly with rape crisis because the police and isva said I needed support. Now I'll probably be hounded by his family (my mums side). Great just frigging brilliant. I'm starting a masters at uni in 3 weeks but that'll probably go to shit now. My poor dc's will have to put up with me walking round with my head up my arse for next few days. Sorry I'm ranting.

OP posts:
TheoriginalLEM · 25/08/2015 21:20

It wasn't your fault. I believe you Flowers

Can you stop drinking the wine now - it will only make things so much worse tomorrow.

Tell the police to do their jobs properly and track down your aunt themselves. Give them what information you have on her location.

I am so sorry this has happened to you.

purplepandas · 25/08/2015 21:25

Rant away, you are more than entitled. We believe you and I am so sorry that the police have spoken to you like this. I totally agree with TheoriginalLEM re wine and getting the police to sort out finding your Aunt.

Original poster
Shameandregret · 25/08/2015 21:25

I am friends with someone who knows her on Facebook but I can't exactly say to them can I have auntie x's address so the police can speak to her can I?

I know the wine should be put away LEM but it's the only thing stopping me crying. I am really angry to the poster above (sorry I don't know name) it feels like life is having one massive shit on me at the moment. My parents response was weird too 'Oh well the interview will have made him think'. Great stuff, yeah. As long as he thinks about it eh?

OP posts:
SecretLimonadeDrinker · 25/08/2015 21:26

I believe you. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

TheGonnagle · 25/08/2015 21:28

It wasn't your fault.
I believe you. Flowers

mrstweefromtweesville · 25/08/2015 21:31

It was not your fault.

Its alright to cry for the ten year old you, cry and rage. It should not have happened.

Take deep breaths and make a cup of coffee.

You have gone through so much and survived. This is just one more stage in your journey. It will pass. Its horrible but it might cleanse the wound a little and help healing.

You didn't ask for any of this but its come your way. I am sorry.

Original poster
Shameandregret · 25/08/2015 21:31

I can't have consented at 10 can I? And being pinned down with his hand over my mouth isn't normal experimentation between kids is it? It never ever felt like playing. I was scared.

My mind feels all jumbled up and I feel a bit 'not there'.

OP posts:
purplepandas · 25/08/2015 21:33

No, you cannot have consented. This was not your doing, it was his. There is no doubt. I am so sorry Op.

MNHQ
TheOnlyOliviaMumsnet · 25/08/2015 21:33

Hope you are okay OP - we've amended your title
Kindest

Original poster
Shameandregret · 25/08/2015 21:34

I feel sick thinking I might have got this all wrong. It has taken me years to get to the point where I didn't feel responsible and to believe myself and the images etc. now I'm doubting myself.

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 25/08/2015 21:35

I'm so sorry OP. I believe you.

Can you speak to your ISVA tomorrow and express how disappointed you are with your treatment?

Do you know roughly where your aunt lives now (town) and current name? Surely with that info the police could find her quite easily - if she's not on the public electoral roll, they have access to the full one.

mrstweefromtweesville · 25/08/2015 21:35

You did not consent. You know you didn't.
Rape makes people feel 'not there', even between adults, even in marriage.

goddessofsmallthings · 25/08/2015 21:35

Have you not been given a specialist SOIT officer to support you throughout the investigation and judicial process?

Of course you're reeling. The police officer who called you seems to have been grossly insensitive and the information you've been given would have been more appropriately relayed in person than via a phone call.

However, based on what you've said, I see no reason for you to conclude that the police don't believe you and every reason to believe that they have taken both your own and the other victim's complaint seriously and that the investigation is ongoing.

If you've cracked open a bottle make some of it into long drinks with ice and lemonade and make sure you drink plenty of water before you go to bed - which I'm guessing won't be early.

Original poster
Shameandregret · 25/08/2015 21:36

So sorry MNHQ I should have thought about the trigger warning. Idiot. (Me)

OP posts:
Iamatotalandutteridiot · 25/08/2015 21:36

My advice?
(Caution: I should never give advice!)
Drink the wine. Get angry. message the friend of your aunt. Message her too.

This is not your fault. This is not your doing. This is not your problem.

YOu were 10. 10. This was not of your doing.

And I believe you. xxx

Original poster
Shameandregret · 25/08/2015 21:39

pocket I gave them that info in my video interview. With her last known to me address but she seems to have moved.

MNHQ - if you think I've said too much or this thread is too triggering please delete it. I have just blurted it all out in shock. Sorry Sad.

OP posts:
jorahmormont · 25/08/2015 21:41

I have no advice to give, just a hand to hold.

I believe you Flowers xx

Marcipex · 25/08/2015 21:41

I'm so sorry OP.

It's okay to cry, it's better for you than drinking. Maybe some of each tonight.

Is there anyone who could come and sit with you?

Diggum · 25/08/2015 21:44

OP, you were ten! You were still a baby. How the police could even suggest there was consent is utterly disgusting.

You did NOT allow it to happen. You were a little girl. Jesus wept!

I'm so so sorry this is happening to you OP but I absolutely believe you and I think you are incredibly brave to have tried to come to terms with this and to have realised this was NOT YOUR FAULT. Please please don't let anyone take that certainty from you.