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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

i am a 'mistress',,,,dont shout at me please

139 replies

faeriemum · 25/11/2006 18:31

i met my DP 3 years ago, there was an immediate attraction. i knew he was with someone though.
i was a few weeks preggers at the time (no longer with father) ...
nothing happened for 2.8 years, we talked alot as he works on the buses so i saw him most days......he asked me 4 months ago to go to the cinema with him...i was very flattered and really liked him, so i went.........we started an affair.... i love him more then anyone i have ever known.....and he tells me he feels the same....all the time!
he is living with his partner and has sworn there is no romance there and have not slept with her for over a year......
...he was telling me he was moving in before christmas......its got closer and no sign of it.......he told me he was going to talk with her last night because he'd had enough and wanted to be with me............that didnt happen...
he 'cant' talk to me weekends because she's always around........i really hate the hiding and cant emotionally take anymore.
i've told him this and he begged me to hold on for just a while longer because he cant be without me.......i do believe he loves me.....but feel its all too much.
i love him , and am very scared of not being 'with' him......do i give him altermatem (sp?) , hold on or end it?

OP posts:

AttilaTheMeerkat · 25/11/2006 18:50

I would have to say end it as soon as possible. Actions speak louder than words and words are cheap to him.

You're being well and truly strung along by this lowlife. You've also been told all the usual things that such men who choose to embark on affairs come up with, "she's always around", "there's no romance there", "we haven't slept together for a year" (yeah right is my response). He has been sleeping with you and her (and I would think as well you're not his only mistress).

In time you will find someone who is truly worthy of your own affections but initially you will need to work on your own self image and worth. You deserve better than this cheating lowlife but perhaps you do not yourself believe that to be true (hence me suggesting you work on your own self esteem).

clairemow · 25/11/2006 18:51

haven't read the rest of the posts, but I would say end it. If it's meant to be, that'll put a rocket up his arse and he will leave his partner to be with you (although I hope he has more sensitivity than to do this between Xmas and New Year).

Mind you, I would always then be aware that you'd been with him while he was living with someone else, and he could do the same to you...

JoolsToo · 25/11/2006 18:54

can't believe anyone still falls for these lines!

harsh but true

get rid

Twiglett · 25/11/2006 18:54

yes always outspoken

I would like to think you are worth more than this

do you think you are?

because you have nothing to ask him as far as I can see

you have to end it

if he then comes to you and says its ended you can start dating and see if you can build a relationship

but at the moment, honestly, you are probably hurting yourself .. but you are doing that knowingly .. I couldn't live with being the person who is 50% to blame for hurting the 'wife' tbh .. can you?

Fattymumma · 25/11/2006 18:55

anyone who uses two bikes and a jeep as an excuse to continue with his wife/girlfriend will never ever leave and whilst i really am sorry to say this...you are just something he uses for sex.

to a man like this you are no more than a real life rampant rabbit. you dont ask questions you just have great sex and he puts you away when he is finished.

I would call him now...on a home phone if he has one and tell him he has 30 minutes to get his lying cheating arse to yours or you will come to his.
then tell him straight that its over.

You and your baby deserve someone who is willing to treat you both like your the only two people in the world.
this is not the right man for you

Original poster

faeriemum · 25/11/2006 18:55

they're not married...but yes i see where your coming from....

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Original poster

faeriemum · 25/11/2006 18:56

oh god im in tears

OP posts:

JoolsToo · 25/11/2006 18:58

that's so sad but there'll be more tears to come if you continue with this man.

Twiglett · 25/11/2006 18:58

tears can be cathartic

wipe them away and end it

AttilaTheMeerkat · 25/11/2006 18:58

He will never leave her for you as its too "difficult". There will always be a reason why he cannot leave her for you. You've heard plenty of "reasons" already. You are being used for sex, you to him mean nothing.

She has a partner who is cheating on her and you as the mistress have fallen hook, line and sinker for the crap that he's come out with.

He should be unceremoniously dumped by the two of you.

BrummieMomInMerthyr · 25/11/2006 19:01

After bitter experience, i'd advise you to end it. Happened to me about 8 years ago, was seeing someone who was living with his gf, had all the promises and undying love etc but he didn't leave her and i ended up spending a new years eve on my own because of his broken promises. i vowed then i would never do it again and broke it off. i know it's a bit of a cliche but the right man is out there and now i couldn't be happier good luck faeriemum

AttilaTheMeerkat · 25/11/2006 19:01

Wipe your tears away and end it.

You need to be strong and say no more.

You will also need to work on your own self esteem and worth (perhaps through counselling).

Fattymumma · 25/11/2006 19:02

im actually glad your upset as it means your listening to us all, and that you actually do understand that you need to do something about it.

you can't go on as you are, its unfair on all concerned.
he manipulated you and preyed on the fact you were vulnerable witha young child.

were not gettign at you as such, just that for your own self esteem and future happiness you need to end it as soon as possible

Blandmum · 25/11/2006 19:03

He is never going to leave her! He has it all gping for him, stability and a bit on the side.

And if the amazing happened, and he left her, how could you ever trust him. He did it to her, he'll do it to you.

He lies, how can he love you if he is living with someone else. If they don't have kids and they are not married, why can't he leave her?

he is playing you for a fool.

Pruni · 25/11/2006 19:03

Message withdrawn

Blandmum · 25/11/2006 19:04

you desrve better

pedilia · 25/11/2006 19:04

I have NO sympathy for you at all, you knew he was in a relationship when you met him.
If you were so wonderful then he would be with you, so he leaves his partner and two years down the line when the novelty has worn off, he finds another mistress using the same lines he used with you.

Find a single man and gain some self respect

Original poster

faeriemum · 25/11/2006 19:06

i messaged him to say he needds to get over here now

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Original poster

faeriemum · 25/11/2006 19:07

oh fucking s hit

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fireflyxmasfairylights2 · 25/11/2006 19:07

Hey, cheer up love. TEXT/CALL whatever it takes. darlin, if he loved you he wouldn't be sat with his wife now... he would have left her by now.

Not being mean, but you say he has no kids with his wife.. what is he like with your little one? Does he think of himself as a dad to him/her? whatever you do, put yourself & your son first, if he thought as much of you as he says he does, he would be sat there with you tonight, not in her house.... making love to her, no matter what he says, they are making love. When do you see him? Is he supposed to be working when he is seing you? You get no weekend time So he uses you when he wants sex/company/to feel like a dad... and you get to sit in on weekends feeling lonely and sad.

Call him babe, tell him you're no longer there for him, tell him to find another mug..and hold your head up high!! Find a man for you, just you... don't share your guy with anyone

BrummieMomInMerthyr · 25/11/2006 19:08

good for you, you'll feel so much better after, it will hurt but it's worth it in the end. i've got so much empathy for you.

throckenholt · 25/11/2006 19:09

I agree - you deserve better - you deserve someone who will go through anything to be with you - he doesn't seem to be that person.

Original poster

faeriemum · 25/11/2006 19:09

thanks firefly...i presume he's on his way over...if not...well..hmmm

OP posts:

AttilaTheMeerkat · 25/11/2006 19:09

And has he responded at all to this message you've sent?.

If he does arrive at your residence (and that's a very big if) what are you going to say?. Will you be strong and say its over as of now?.

Original poster

faeriemum · 25/11/2006 19:09

shit think he's here...bbs

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