How long from the first date until...

[MARTIN1]

you would normally play nug-a-nug with your date?

I have been out on a second date last night and we are meeting up for dinner at hers on Tuesday. Judging by the nature of the rather raunchy and dare I say steaminess of some messages received both electronically and verbally from her. I have a certain feeling that she may be wanting me to grope for trout in a peculiar river come Tuesday night.

Usually I like to get to know women a lot more before I venture down that road. I have always felt I need a stronger emotional connection before engaging in the underpants Charleston. I like the girl very much but don't think this Tuesday will be right for me but I don't want her to think I'm preternatural if I demure were she to advance amorous affections toward her contemporaneous interlocutor.

Advice please?

I would offer the lady such a repast as she has never before enjoyed, Master Copperfield

Is that what you think a raunchy text is? You need to get out more. I would seriously doubt she wants to sleep with you unless she's trying to get out of a huge dry spell or for a bet with your sister. However, if the opportunity arises, I definitely second a pp idea or giving her oral just to keep you from talking.

What a complete cockwomble.

You cannot possibly sleep with someone who uses that dreadful textspeak & huns with abandon.

Tonight's the night. Wish me luck everybody

GOOD LUCK MARTIN1!

Whatever you do, please use protection can't bear the thought of the pair of you reproducing

Good. Hopefully you'll be too busy to post on here.

Have you checked her views on middle names?

My darling gentlesire, I fear you misapprehended my purport. When I asked whether your was like a baby's arm, I referred not to the size of your creative concealed trouser meats but rather as to whether your baked goods were soft to the touch. I have been visually imbibing myself upon the Great British Bake Off and my only concern is the quality of your dough balls.

Please keep your slippery trout grasping hands well away from my pink canoe.

This really isn't as funny as you think it is.

I wonder what her middle name is?

I think it must be Windermere

Oh god. I have a date tonight... It has been getting steamy...but he's never mentioned a trout.

It has been getting steamy...but he's never mentioned a trout.

Silence is better than carping on about it.

Oh, just sleep with her for the halibut.

This scampi happening!!!

You lot have no sole!

For cod's skate, it's only sex

This is not the time or the plaice for this discussion.

I think this thread is floundering.

Eel never write for Viz.

Eel never write for Viz.

singing
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's a moray.

Ffs, sing in tuna!

Fucking hell, don't carp on.

Don't fall off your perch, OP.