How long from the first date until...

[MARTIN1]

you would normally play nug-a-nug with your date?

I have been out on a second date last night and we are meeting up for dinner at hers on Tuesday. Judging by the nature of the rather raunchy and dare I say steaminess of some messages received both electronically and verbally from her. I have a certain feeling that she may be wanting me to grope for trout in a peculiar river come Tuesday night.

Usually I like to get to know women a lot more before I venture down that road. I have always felt I need a stronger emotional connection before engaging in the underpants Charleston. I like the girl very much but don't think this Tuesday will be right for me but I don't want her to think I'm preternatural if I demure were she to advance amorous affections toward her contemporaneous interlocutor.

Advice please?

Whisk: For someone who in your own words is "tired" of threads like these and "not even amused". You could try something that does amuse you and doesn't make you feel tired. It's a beautiful day, there are a million and one things you can do that don't involve reading this particular thread.

DH and I were banging on and off for about 3 years before we even contemplated going on a date.

Oh, where's your amusing wordplay gone?

Are you unhappy that I'm not giggling over your manliness?

I was lured in by the OPs shouty username. Then swiftly disappointed by thread content.

Is Underpants Charleston related to Anne Charleston, who used to be in Neighbours? Sounds like it might be her wayward uncle or something.

I agree that you don't sound well-matched. She was asking about the size of your penis and you replied about the size of your arm . You're on completely different planets.

I'm with you on this one Whisk. Most probably a made up text as well - who compares the size of someone's dick to a baby's arm? Way beyond weird in my world.

Horrid text exchange.

MARTIN if I was you I would have sex with her. You sound like a right fucking emotionally stunted, unfunny tosser. She may be the only woman willing to give you a chance.

Best Post:

JESUS CHRIST. Did you google "really weird names for sex that make me sound like a womble"Sex, fucking, shagging.If she is In to you and you have spoken to her like this, do your best to marry her.

I am kind of reminded of those d-bags I see around the web who all wear fedoras and go on about how they are a redditor moderator of 500 subs and have 1 million gold or some shit. I think they are actually tits from 4chan.

Either way, your language makes you sound like a pretentious knob. Speak appropriately for the context you're in and your might get laid.

I'm not even amused. I'm tired of the line of creeps we've had recently, all jumping straight in with 'look, I'm a MAN! On a Woman's site! And I'm being witty to all the laydeez! How daring am I?'

Quite. It's depressing and alarming how many posters seem to be lapping it up because he's used a couple of words they don't understand. I guess it means there's some hope for the OP's sex life after all.

I am surprised this hasn't been nominated for Classics.

"Groping for trout in a peculiar river" It's bums innit?

You dirty bastard.

Well if your vocabulary and demeanour haven't yet caused her ladybean to physically invert itself, I'm sure the second date will have you parking the beef bus in tuna town....

Or some other such bollocks...

my advice is.... don't 'grope' for trout in your loved one's 'river' try fishing for it instead!

Send her a cock pic, that'll sort it.

She'll answer "what is it? It looks like a penis - only smaller"

Pisstake or not, I have tears rolling down my cheeks!

This is bloody hilarious!!!

Is it?

I think it's all a bit try-too-hard to be whacky.

Couldn't agree more Liney

I think the OP is using GoogleTranslate (the Polari version)

Someone posts on our local Facebook "things for sale" group like this. Same sort of stuff. Tone fluctuating so obviously an act. People lap it up, drives me mad...

My local Facebook selling page is more in the style of 'chester drawers' and I certainly prefer it to the flowery gobshite of the pretentious twat variety.

ha! :0)