Can you be a lesbian but still like sex with men?

[velourvoyageur]

Just wondering. Promise I'm not a troll.
I sometimes wonder if I'm just plain gay and not bi but I do like sex with men because (sorry) there's nothing else exactly like a dick. But I don't feel the same attraction to men as I do to women.

It's not that important, I mean the classification of attraction or whatever, don't mind if I or anyone else is gay, bi, straight, just curious as to whether anyone had any thoughts?

Of course there are technical meanings, that's what the dictionary is for! words without definitions wouldn't have any use would they?

I refer you to my earlier posts...

I've read your previous posts. There are dictionary definitions of words. Those are changed by common usage sometimes and sometimes not but in this case, these words would cease to exist at all if they did not mean what they did. That's not the case atm. People may sometimes use them differently to the definition but that's more accurately described as a misapplication of a term that has an accepted definition for that very reason - that using them loosely means they no longer have a meaning at all.

God knows I would love to exist in a culture that has no word for homosexual etc but we are a really long way from that in reality. If you refuse to accept the terms have a meaningful definition, right now and today, I think you hinder yourself in tackling discrimination and prejudice which is based on the terms.

I think 'feminism' can better be expressed by the term 'gender equality' but I'd be stupid to argue that there is no definition of the word feminism and ignore that people's misapplications of the word have meaning.

I've no idea what I am.

I'm married and appear to everyone to be straight, however I have very strong feelings towards certain women and while I have experimented with women in the past i still feel that I'm missing out on something. This does actually make me feel quite sad.

Exploring this side to my sexuality ain't gonna happen for as long as I'm married though.

I do think that bisexuality is more common than many think. I am pretty certain (proven by friends' anecdotal evidence as well as plain ol' gaydar) that there are many men and women who when young went the straight route because of biological drive and / or because in today's society it is the simplest option, but are now in middle age experiencing a sense of 'what if'.

I think many women and men go the straight route because it is easier. But I know a fair number of older women who after their relationship with a man broke up, have now partnered up with women.

Caftan there is no doubt in my mind that if Dh and I split up, I would only see women as potential partners now.

Something has shifted in my sexuality over the years, maybe it's because I'm done with having children I don't know, but I'm just not attracted to men so much anymore. In fact, Dh is pretty much the only man I have fancied since we got together fifteen years ago! women on the other hand...

Anyway this thread is not about me, but I am finding the discussion about the fluidity of sexuality interesting, and I find it sad that so many people are persecuted for having the bisexual feelings that come naturally to them and just feel normal.

Sorry - Caryam. Damn autocorrect!

Could it be that you are Bisexual rather than gay,

I think the sad thing about societies which are discriminatory/prejudiced is that element of 'lost life' many people may never know what their real choices/feelings/lives may have been if they hadn't been restricted by social pressure/expectations.

I've read your previous posts. There are dictionary definitions of words.

Um no, my point was precisely that the meanings of the words are not covered by dictionary definitions.

You appear to believe that your own particular interpretation of sexual orientation corresponds to the 'accepted' definitions, whereas in fact, there are no accepted definitions of homosexual or heterosexual beyond the principle of attraction to the same sex or opposite sex. Some people may agree with your views but others would disagree.

That is not, and has never been, my view.

I'm pointing out that how people use the words, if they use them differently from the dictionary definitions (and yes there are dictionary definitions) can often tell you things about discrimination.

As I've said over and over again.

i didnt invent the words, I didn't write the dictionary definitions. I've never disagreed with people using any of the words in a way that has meaning for them but is different to the dictionary definition. Just pointed out that when they do I think it can tell you something interesting about the person using the word and often about society's view of the word.

That is all.

I'm not sure where I've written anything that implies I am personally a fan of the labels or believe people should only ever use them as per their dictionary definition.

For example someone who has attraction to both men and women but chooses to identify with heterosexual may well be doing that because they feel there are negative connotations to calling themselves bisexual, the labels themselves are loaded words and whilst the labels themselves are pretty irritating to me, they exist and they exist in a world where they cause a lot of misery. Looking at how people use them in terms of identifying with one thing and wanting to distance themselves from another can indicate a lot of things. Since I don't think you can really choose who you are but you can choose your labels, to a certain extent, it's just something interesting to me. It is not about thinking that people can or should be categorised by restrictive terms with restrictive meanings.

George Michael used to call himself bi. But then said he realised it is who he falls in love with, not who he can get it up for. Men in his case.
Although if you still have sex with men and call yourself a lesbian, expect some lesbians to disagree

Zombie thread

I guess it depends what kind of lesbian/straight you are. Some friends of mine one would never touch a man with a ten foot bargepole, her wife slept with men a few times, my tenant is gay but used to have a husband and three kids. I would get nothing out of sleeping with a woman at all, so I'm straight presumably but yet I don't like men either wheras my friend is straight but would happily experiment just to see if she liked it.
i don't think you can define sexuality.

ZOMBIE THREAD
ZOMBIE THREAD
ZOMBIE THREAD
ZOMBIE THREAD

You sound just like my best friend, she really enjoys sex with men, always has done and has had a lot of sex with men. However, she was never comfortable in relationships with men, she has only ever been able to have committed relationships with women.

It's not about genitalia or even sex she is just more suited to relationships with women.

People are too obsessed with labels, if you are just looking for sex, have sex with whomever you please. If you are looking for a relationship, date whomever you are attracted to.
Don't worry so much about labels and just be happy.

Damn it.... why do I keep falling for these this week.

Naw, sorry. Lesbians don’t like having sex with men. Lesbians are just gay women, aka homosexual. One sex, but the same sex.

Am the OP and completely agree with you @Kaika.

I am gay and I'm not going to painstakingly explain myself here but suffice it to say that there was no seismic shift in my sexuality - I now feel much less pressure to be bi and so have absolutely no reason to try and convince myself that I enjoy sex with men in the same way as I do sex with women or that tolerance can even be called enjoyment in the first place. I was about 20 when I wrote that and clearly working stuff out without being conscious of everything that was going on inside my head. Things are much clearer now.

Glad everything worked out for you, good luck with life ^^

Yep.

Haha thanks 😊 you too