Can you be a lesbian but still like sex with men?

[velourvoyageur]

Just wondering. Promise I'm not a troll.
I sometimes wonder if I'm just plain gay and not bi but I do like sex with men because (sorry) there's nothing else exactly like a dick. But I don't feel the same attraction to men as I do to women.

It's not that important, I mean the classification of attraction or whatever, don't mind if I or anyone else is gay, bi, straight, just curious as to whether anyone had any thoughts?

More straight than bisexual decribes me. Told partners and had no issues or mff threesomes suggested. Maybe lucky. Lots of aspects to my sexuality which surprise me sometimes but don't give me or bf any negatives. Labels sometimes help inform others but can also limit. Prefer not to label.

thank you for all the thoughtful replies!

I'm all frustrated because am on public library computer which seems to have a virus can't reply as I'd like and spend time replying individually but I will go back and properly read the whole thread when I can

just to say though that I don't see male genitalia as superior - just unique (maybe (to be totally open) my g spot is just more sensitive than elsewhere).
Also when I was a child and teenager I was honestly quite terrified (used to lie awake at night worrying about it, heart beating away like mad etc) that I'd grow up and still find myself attracted to girls. When I got one of my very rare crushes on a boy I was so pleased because I felt normal and thought I could forget all the other stuff and put it down to just a phase. I knew nothing. At 15 I had a great moment where I accepted my sexuality and was really happy to experience gay attraction and just assumed I was a lesbian who had these very occasional crushes on boys as people not as owners of specifically gendered characteristics, but who only got the frissony kind of feeling-drugged type attraction with women. I always said I was bi because it was just easier than explaining you know, exactly where to the .5 on the Kinsey scale you fall. To think I might actually be further along the scale than I thought is interesting to me. And kind of weird to think that my 12 year old self would be if not happy with that then at least relieved.

looking forward to a time when we aren't so bothered about pinning down sexuality, but it is just easier to reduce people down to a set of fixed characteristics - efficient in the short term, not in the long run though!

I'm only comfortably in a m/f relationship, but I love sex with women. Much more so than sex with men.

Give yourself whatever label you want, or none at all. God knows how I'd label myself.

If you choose to be only with women, then I think it is fine to call yourself a lesbian.
Most people would be taken aback if you called yourself a lesbian, and still had sex with men.

I don't want to bring the thread down, but bisexuality is the closest I've come to a label for myself but in my case, I do quite like the idea of turning men on With my Lesbian side, and maybe even.the other way around too. I don't think that makes me a tease, I'm just being honest about what my fantasies are. I don't think I'm letting down the sisterhood. Im not pretending to be bi for mens enjoyment it's more of a coincidence that the two happen to be compatible.

I hate the idea of women turning on men by talking about being with other women. Seems pretty exploitative.

Who is getting exploited?

Well the female sexual partners being reduced to a male fantasy most likely without their knowledge or input for a start!

If it's part of a fantasy for you though I'm sure that the above aside you can see there is a big difference between you fantasising and being turned on by it and a male partner helping himself and feeling entitled to it.

I don't understand that. sexual fantasy is fantasy...it's in someone's head, perhaps shared with a partner and doesn't impact on anyone else let alone exploit them.

It's not fantasy when it involves real actual people. You honestly can't conceive of someone feeling aggrieved because they had a sexual relationship with someone who is now using that relationship to turn on their new partner?

The most salient point I've taken from this thread is the actual possibility that somebody could keep their sexual orientation from their partner or partner's family. If you want the barriers & stereotypes of bi women to be broken down, then come out. Why is it other people's responsibility to do that for you? It's fine if you want to have a male partner & lie about your sexual orientation; but to accuse gay & straight people of trivialising it in the same way, when you edit it from your own life so easily. Bit much. Come out.

I don't really belong on this thread but your OP chimed with me somewhat, velour. I'm forever finding women fascinating, intriguing, exciting and attractive. If I could choose my sexual orientation, I'd be a lesbian. No question. For me personally, it would always have been the easier option.

Having tried it a few times, though, it just doesn't work for me. My body likes men's bodies. My vagina really loves a penis (not any penis, but in truth it's not too fussy!) I often feel like I fancy a woman physically, but it's nothing like the magnetic urge I can feel for a man: it's more aesthetic than instinct. My ideal partner's a physical impossibility, sadly!

I wonder if a lot of women are homo-romantic but hetero-erotic?

If you chose to be a lesbian, it would be the same. Our feelings are conjured inside us. I've often thought being with a man would be easier, no heartbreak, no emotional pull, I wouldn't really care much. But what's the point of that? X

I don't advocate lying or dishonesty. Coming out, as in identifying publicly with one of the narrow categories of defined sexuality, is a personal choice. I don't think the categories work for everyone, neither does everyone want to have to define their sexuality. Why should they?

Well, if you are bisexual you don't need to lie. It's a fairly unique position. If you are homosexual or heterosexual people can assume your sexuality from your current partner, lying about your sexuality can involve harming other people if you have relationships with the wrong gender for you.

It's not that way if you are bisexual. People assume you are hetero/homo based on your current partner and you have to go out of your way to correct their assumptions but it also actually has no bearing on your relationship with them.

Plus, I think that's easy to say but when you are the most hated group bar intravenous illegal drug users and you have children it's a bit more complicated than that. I'm also not sure bi people 'coming out' helps anything anyway, especially when one of the prejudices is that it's attention seeking - deliberately going out of your way to correct assumptions is easily seen as attention seeking.

So if you're gay you should stick to gay sex and relationships; if your straight stick to the opposite sex and you're only allowed to switch or try something different if you have come out as bisexual? Otherwise you might hurt people?

Well, I'm not sure many people do 'come out' so much as have relationships do they? If you are homosexual or heterosexual in the true sense then you don't exactly 'need' to 'come out' because the assumption people make is the correct assumption. It's only really bisexual people that seem to need to explain themselves and it's usually because people have a problem with bisexuality that this is required so I just don't think it's reasonable.

No, but you need to be honest.
And some women have chosen to be a lesbian.

You need to be honest with your current partner about your relationship with them. You don't owe them your full sexual history.

Some people choose to identify themselves as homosexual or heterosexual when they are technically bisexual yes but that maybe for a load of reasons including them feeling the same sex/opposite sex attraction they do have not being relevant enough to take into account in their own identification of themselves and really not being an 'out' bisexual simply doesn't have the same risk of damage to others as being closeted homo/heterosexual does it because that involves active lying to others about your sexual attraction to them.

Besides, I'm not convinced that people coming out as individuals in situations where it is irrelevant really does do much to tackle discrimination, it often just invites it.

I agree. I used to be vegetarian but I don't always tell people that.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Offred, no some people chose to be a lesbian, and no longer feel any sexual attraction to any man at all. That is not lying. Sexuality can and does change.

Bisexual, lesbian, gay and straight are labels that have meaning. If bisexual women stopped being attracted to men they, technically, would become lesbians. There's no choosing there, but one of the discriminatory beliefs about bisexuality is that bisexual people just haven't picked a side yet, that they are immature and haven't developed sufficiently to really know their own minds.

I'm not sure that example is the same as choosing to become a lesbian is it?

I just don't believe that someone can wake up one day and decide to stop being attracted to a whole gender and redefine themselves - I think that would be a bisexual repressing their real sexuality.