Can you be a lesbian but still like sex with men?

[velourvoyageur]

Just wondering. Promise I'm not a troll.
I sometimes wonder if I'm just plain gay and not bi but I do like sex with men because (sorry) there's nothing else exactly like a dick. But I don't feel the same attraction to men as I do to women.

It's not that important, I mean the classification of attraction or whatever, don't mind if I or anyone else is gay, bi, straight, just curious as to whether anyone had any thoughts?

Notasinglefuck, I still don't understand .

Who is pretending to be what ?

Some women pretend they only sleep with women to get a man they particularly like.

I sort of agree with you, I think that women are absolutely beautiful and have lovely soft bodies

But I do love the penis. So I can totally understand.

I don't understand the hatred for bisexuals, they seem to be hugely mistrusted and thought to be much looser and sleazier than either gay or straight people

Oh, I think I understand now. Phew. Some bisexual women might pretend to be lesbians in order to snag a particular man, who subsequently thinks that he's the bees knees.

No-one comes out of that particularly well .

No ItsAll they don't. I knew a woman with a child from a previous relationship who is married to a man who STILL thinks he is the man who " turned her straight " and they moved to the other end of the country because it was a fresh start. Not because she would get caught out eventually.......ex friend needless to say.

Oh she claims the child was a donor. In a clinic when she was only 20 and single....It wasn't. Pp said men think it's titillation. I've had that reaction too. Disgusts me. My last female partner was beautiful, confident, clever and a great businesswoman. No mate, we do not need a man to join us and do it properly. We were very ok just us
She's still a friend. Even likes my DP and is a great friend when I need it. She was awesome.

I did tell current BF and he spent months asking me 'what do you think of her?' whenever we were watching TV.

He knocked it on the head when I started getting really angry and upset.

For me gender, and to a lesser extent appearance, don't matter. I am attracted to people's personalities and demeanour primarily so it is just not possible for me to 'fancy' anyone, male or female, if they are just a picture on a screen, I HAVE to get to know someone at least a little bit before I am attracted to them.

With certain people I can see and understand that they are very physically attractive, like a beautiful painting or something, but I am never personally attracted to them if I don't know them at all.

I just find it utterly demeaning when it is used as titilation. It is a part of who I am and really for someone who is entirely and only interested in monogamy it is not something he would like the reality of.

Because I got so angry and upset at him recently and, through tears, shouted that I have never and will never talk to him about my sexual experiences with any woman ever because he isn't trustworthy and I find this really upsetting, he went quiet and asked if I'd ever cheated on him with a woman...

I mean honestly... It can be like wading through mud dealing with this stuff.

I am not bisexual for attention, to turn men on or because I am covering for cheating. It's just my sexual identity like his is heterosexual, it shouldn't even be commentworthy yet a simple part of me as a person which is entirely irrelevant to my relationship with him given we are monogamous causes so much difficulty. It is depressing.

I've had no trouble finding men who object to porn, which many people would say was impossible, but I've never found a straight man who was both interested in sex and didn't see my sexuality as something for him to get excited over and I can't really see it as anything other than coming from a place where you feel women are meant to perform for you as a man.

It is disgusting.

I have not had the problem with bisexual men funnily enough

Though have had the flip side issue with lesbian women - insecurity, prejudice etc

I often wonder if it is such a problem for people because they can understand that you are 'wrong' or 'right' if you 'pick one' but don't know what to make of you if you don't. I feel constantly defensive of my sexuality being in relationships with men and constantly defensive of my relationships with men being with women on the whole.

I try not to mention it where possible.
Agree I don't see genitals on a person. Or looks at all. Age isn't an issue either. You're either attractive to me or you aren't IYSWIM. I had one girl dump me because I'd been with men. So it works both ways.
I'd have found my last female partner attractive no matter what gender I think. She was and still is a truly fantastic person. Current DP who is male is a good person too. Gender didn't come into it with either of them. DP is a decade and a half older than me too and that's irrelevant to me.

Yes, so do I but that makes me angry.

It came out with current BF because something him and his friend were saying was pissing me off - can't remember what precisely but it involved assuming I was heterosexual and I got defensive. Since then I have wished more than once that I hadn't opened my mouth but then I think I shouldn't have to pretend just because people will judge me.

I've been getting in a lather for ages, be good if the op had Internet to come back and post!

I also fall in love with the person, the gender or genitals don't decide it. If I have to I'd identify as bisexual and have always been up front and truthful and faithful to partners. I look at the personality, character and conversation of the person to find a strong connection...nothing to do with sex.

Some females are amazing, some men are very attractive but I bond with females easier and feel more comfortable in their company although I have been married.

I've had the whole insecurity/prejudice thing with gay female partners, all of whom incidentally have left me for the next new partner [please note I haven't, nor do I have interest for anyone else when in a relationship]. My family whilst having been outwardly accepting, have mocked behind my back. I see none of them now.

I've picked up all the negativity towards bisexual people, sadly and it has greatly affected my life, doesn't seem to stop rearing it's ugly head.

[And currently having great problems with a DIL who has an issue with it all. It seems to be a stick to beat one of my sons with, although I'm single and have been for 15 years!].

I like bisexual people in general male or female, they are truthful, open minded and sensitive, and think things through [they've had to] in my opinion.

Yes, what boggles my mind is how many otherwise absolutely lovely, thoughtful and intelligent people can have such crap attitudes. I even feel uncomfortable writing about it on this thread in case people are thinking 'attention seeker', 'cheat', 'prick tease' etc.

I went on holiday with bf's family last year and they are a really lovely, liberal, left wing, intelligent and thoughtful bunch of people but found myself shrinking into the floor with BF looking very uncomfortable when they started with the 'well bisexuality is just greed/confusion/a phase' stuff...

I label myself as "heteroflexible" because I am straight but I am pretty sure I would make an exception for Queen Latifah. I will get back to you with an update if she ever gets on touch.

They don't even know, they would never have spoken like that if they did. It just comes up and people start with their ignorant judgements...

Ha ha ha! Brilliant!

One of the most irritating stereotypes about bisexual people is that they are promiscuous. My sister, who is a lesbian, is married to a bisexual woman, and I know that this assumption particularly irks the two of them as they are a very devoted, monogamous couple.

I'm afraid a lot of people just don't get it. I hate the greedy label...one partner is enough for me. I meet, fall in love, settle down..whats greedy about that. I think promiscuity is a factor in any sexual orientation. But it's only a percentage of people of course.

There is a lot of interesting research about future sexual preferences being laid down whilst in the womb...something to do with too much of one hormone or another entering the babies system due to stress of the mother in pregnancy I think. I know my mother was very stressed when she was expecting me.

Yes, promiscuous and spreaders of disease to straight/gay people...

My mum was very stressed expecting me too. Interesting.

However I've always thought arguments about 'being born that way' kind of betray an acceptance that there is something inherently wrong with the sexuality of the person being judged - you don't need the excuse of it being 'not your fault' to be allowed to have your sexuality, whatever it is.

I just acknowledge that females have more oestrogen in their systems and males have more testosterone in theirs...thus making ['oestrogen rich'] females attracted to males and ['testosterone rich'] males attracted to females. It's all about nature wanting to reproduce effectively after all.

Then it could follow that an imbalance could affect who we find attractive or not, giving a tendency to go for one or the other gender or not mind either. [One at a time of course!].

It seems to make sense...and hormones are very powerful forces.

Excesses of adrenaline [of the mother], caused by stress, may be the thing which makes the hormones go awry when baby is forming. Just my thoughts....

Yeah but the current credible research says all those supposed gender differences have been overplayed and there is sufficient variety within 'male' and 'female' groups such that it renders it an irrelevant distinction. I tend to believe that really.

There is huge variety within humanity.

Plus I don't really believe that anything is born. I think everything is a combination of both born and learned.

I think much of those ways of thinking are about trying to prove certain things which are socially valued are 'better' like being male or being heterosexual or being white (though they largely knocked that 'research' on the head!).

I wouldn't see it as hormones going 'awry' just one of the possible factors that influence a certain outcome.

It's like all the butch/femme lesbian things... Would they really actually exist if we didn't have sexism and defined gender roles and a stigma against being anything but heterosexual? I doubt it...