DRY 8!!!!!!

[CheesyNachos]

Hello! This is our 8th! thread for those who are abstaining from alcohol and for those who want to abstain. :) We love newbies and lurkers. We have people who have been DRY for years, for months, for weeks, days, and hours. :) ALL are welcome. We have heaps of tips and we offer support at any stage.

DRY 7 the previous thread is here...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2347295-DRY-7?

Hi man, welcome.

Can you identify when and why you have that first drink? If so, you need to put some changes into your routine to avoid that first drink.

You will get plenty of support on here, but you may want to think about AA if that is not enough.

I have got to do the school run now, but will check in again soon.

Thankyou Seabiscotti.

Definitely hunger - if I can eat dinner rather than have a glass then I won't end up drinking.

But also stress I think. I noticed when I was working less over the summer I had a tendency to drink less.

And finally boredom and frustration. When my husband's away but I'm at home with my son I often drink a lot.... I think do that rather than sit & wonder if life is passing me by ...!

Do you think AA would help? I've thought about it but don't feel I fit the stereotype... But maybe I do. Or probably there's no stereotype...

Thanks again for listening

Thanks for the replies I'll try to stick around and post when I feel my resolve slipping. Planning to write a cost-benefit analysis of drinking too, to see if that makes any difference (though the sneery voice in my head asks why it should, when it's failed to do that many times before!)

Hi man. I'm going to try going back to AA this week. Never went regularly before, but when I did go to meetings, there were all kinds of people there - no 'typical' AA member like you might expect.

Welcome Man,

Part of my drinking problem was is boredom and I have coped by changing my routine as much as possible.

Hopefully you do not have the dependency issues that myself and others on here seem to have as you are not drinking every day as many of us are prone to.

I NEVER have drink in the house, if it's there, I know I will drink it. Then as early a possible I will have a bath and put my pj's on, this stops me from just 'nipping' to the shops to get wine. I also try to do things instead of just sitting in front of the TV. Baking cakes is a new favourite of mine but it's not helping with the much hoped for weight loss!

It is taking a while for me to see any significant changes but my sleep is improving and it is nice to get up in the morning knowing for sure that I can legally get into my car and drive.

Good luck.

Thank you Bath and hi Dash!

Changing the routine is a good idea. I used to run and really got a buzz from it when I did it.

Wondering if I could do something like running home from work instead of getting the train to see if that helps.

Gotta take your endorphins where you can, huh?!

Thanks ladies. I'll be back, for sure.

Hi everyone! Welcome dashi and man

Day 7 for me and I am feeling pretty good. It was a hard weekend though. DP seemed to be on a mission to be as drunk and obnoxious as possible. I scraped the car, and I have been having trouble with the clutch too (I rolled back on a hill at one point!) but he made such a big deal of it and made me feel awful. Yesterday morning I told him I wasn't going to be made to feel that way again (exH was great at putting me down) and told him he had to stop. He had some yesterday, partly at my suggestion as he was shaky etc, but nowhere near as much, so today is his day 1.

This last week of being sober was enforced because of the antibiotics, but I am so glad that something came along to push me into it, as I have wanted to for so long. The vodka vampire came calling last night when I was in bed though, saying that I am off the antibiotics now so I could drink if I wanted to. I really don't want to though.

Some of you upthread mentioned being more patient etc with the DC - it's so true! Especially with grumpy pre-teen DS1, I am trying to use humour more, rather than just yelling at him.

Welcome Dash and man. :)

man you could always try a meeting (or more, apparently it can take trying a few to find one that 'fits'). I always thought that you either 'did' AA or you didn't, and turned it into this big reason why I didn't want/need to stop drinking: "I'm not bad enough to go to AA so I'll just carry on...". I'm 14 months in and have only ever been to two meetings. I'm not sure about it but really want to go back and try more. What I've realised now though is that not going to AA doesn't mean that I have to drink - there are thousands of people who stop using other means.

I was a binge drinker too - probably drank 2/3 times a week and at home it would 'just' be a bottle of wine, but it had got to the stage where I dreaded going out socialising because I knew I'd get drunker than I wanted to, and didn't seem to really be able to control it in certain situations.

Bam - day 7 woohoo! Am concerned that DP was shaky yesterday and given the amount of alcohol he has been used to drinking, that stopping suddenly is not a good idea as he sounds physically dependent. It can be very dangerous to go cold turkey.

Don't feel bad about your driving - I passed first time when I was 17, but was a complete liability on the roads for a long time after that. It's a miracle I didn't have an accident and still remember some ridiculous things I did - including one time when I was on my way to work, and turned left having just overtaken a cyclist. Said cyclist was clearly very shaken up and followed me around the corner where I happened to be working. After I'd parked the car he came up to my window and started screaming at me, I was so freaked out I just wound the window up and sat there staring ahead until he went away!

Welcome dashi8 and man.

I echo what has been said about boredom. I have found myself drinking just because there was nothing better to do and I felt so flat. It must be especially hard when your husband is away so much. I associate drinking with 4pm until about 8pm (that sounds terrible) so I am making a real effort to fill my evenings. I have started yoga which is at 8.00pm so once its over the urge to drink has passed and all I will want is to do is go home and to bed. I also have a basic exercise bike which I make myself go on - watching crappy TV to make it bearable.

I have also found that it helps to tell people that Im not drinking and explaining that for me drinking emans that the drugs I am taking to deal with my anxiety and depression can't work properly. I haven't shared with many people exactly how much I was drinking though.

I am now on Day 12. The weekend was hard and I really wanted a glass of wine. My husband said if I really wanted perhaps I could just have one of those mini bottles but I thought about it and decided against. I think it really helped me to feel that I was actively choosing not to drink rather than not having a choice if that makes sense.

Have job interview this afternoon and know that will be a big trigger for me whichever way it goes.

First time poster here. Have been reading and lurking for a while. Increasingly fed up of alcohol use. I suspect I'm pretty typical of many posters here. Party girl in my twenties. Am settled down now with three gorgeous children and it's the usual story of wine at home. Here is where I struggle. I don't drink every day. Never have. Can go without and can just have a glass but then will randomly drink a bottle and a half of wine and hate myself for days afterwards. Not a messy drunk or rowdy but just have no off button once I go past more than one drink. So frustrated and have been increasingly thinking of total abstinence but always find a reason to justify that glass of wine.

Well done vxa. Re. the interview, my advice is to really try to 'feel your feelings' afterwards. I know that sounds woo and everything, but the most vivid experience of 'not drinking' I had was after a very stressful appearance in court (which went well). In any normal situation I would have bought champagne on the way home and sunk into it straight away, and it felt SO ODD not to do that when it's completely normalised in society, whether or not you are a problem drinker. When I got home I was bouncing off the walls with all the adrenaline and thoughts whizzing round my brain, and spent two hours pacing around talking about what had happened and just... naturally coming down, rather than using a drug to get me there faster.

It was a very weird experience, not a bad one, just different. Alcohol just gives us a false 'short cut' - and one we pay for later.

(Good luck for the interview!) x

So Teapot have you managed to stop completely?

I think if I told my friends, family they would probably just smile knowingly and not believe me for a second. And rather than spur me on to prove them wrong, that'd probably just give me the excuse I was looking for.

Stern judgement, that's what I need :-)

Ps well done Vxa for choosing not to drink and feeling empowered!

man yes, I have. I also didn't think I had any willpower, but one day it felt like a little voice almost whispered in my ear that I should stop drinking, and so I booked myself onto an Allen Carr seminar for two weeks' time and just went round telling people I had decided to stop. Drank until the night before the seminar and haven't had a drink since.

man don't let it be about what others think about whether you'll succeed or not. I think for me I had the epiphany that I would never ever be able to naturally drink more slowly or more nonchalantly. Once I'd admitted/accepted this, I knew that the only answer was to carry on as I was (and live the rest of my life feeling stuck, which was how I felt), or give the alternative a chance. As soon as I stopped I felt as though a huge invisible weight had shifted, and just felt so excited about the prospect of general change and improvement that now seemed possible.

Sorry to sound evangelical

Sorry welcome stars, your drinking sounds very similar to how mine was. You don't need to have been a daily drinker to reach the decision that alcohol is no longer adding to your life.

man I know exactly what you mean about family and friends. I didnt make a big announcement but gradually I have mentioned it a bit. This is the first time my Mum has not responded with something along the lines of "its not healthy not to drink - just have one or two" or referred to giving up completely as nonsense. Whether to tell anyone, who to tell and what to say is a very personal thing. For now you have made a huge step by coming on here and telling us so feel proud of yorself for that, its a really big thing.

Teapot - that's really interesting and very helpful. I will keep it in mind later.

Vxa and Bam, well done for not drinking! (I read the whole thread over the weekend before posting, btw, so I feel like I've been following how it's been going for you, and now I realise that sounds really creepy... ) But it's really inspiring to read of people who are tempted but still succeed in saying 'no'.

Hi stars You sound similar to me (apart from me being a messy rowdy drunk at times ). I'm excellent at justifying 'just the one' when I've forgotten the horrors of the hangover, and when there are a couple of evenings when it is just that one, I start to think that maybe I've finally cracked it. Except - I never have.

Thanks teapot. I have such mixed feelings at the moment. I both love and hate it. don't we all I guess. I come from a background of heavy and normalised alcohol use. Both my parents would be functioning alcoholics though my mum has cut back significantly in recent years. I would love to do moderation but I always seem to be the last one at the bar on a night out and once I start I have no idea how to stop. I'm sick of thinking about it all the time. I'm just after two weeks of pretty much alcohol free and I felt fantastic followed by more than a bottle last night and it just feels like back to square one. I'm also finding my hangovers are becoming worse.

Thanks teapot and dashi I lurked and read the whole thread before I posted too dashi

Good luck with your interview vxa. Would it help you to get a nice AF drink to have afterwards? I see it as similar to somebody quitting smoking, who still fidgets to do something with his hands - I am finding AF Kopparberg really nice and refreshing, but there are lots of nice cordials etc. Then you would have the natural comedown that teapot mentioned, but it would maybe help with the "strangeness" of it. Don't know if that helps!

Teapot I felt awful about the car, and just wanted to give up. DP really was an arse about it. We went out in it yesterday though (after I had read him the riot act!) and it was fine.

Just checking in. See it has been really busy and lots of fab advice given.

Yes dashi I constantly think I'm on top of it but then will go on a bender. Currently trying to work out my triggers. I def see it as a reward and I like having a drink with my dp its like our time except he can just have the one. As a rule I don't really drink on my own and he is out or away will happily go to bed early and read etc.

Good luck vxa.

BamBam It's just a car, even experienced drivers can have a prang. Sometimes I think we should adpot the attitude of the Romans and Greeks. For them a car just gets you from a to b and their cars are full of dents etc.

Hiya everybody
It's been a busy weekend on here!
Hope you did well in the interview vxa
( I had a dream about drinking last night. Grrr)

Not had a drinking dream as yet. I am dreaming of travelling alot. If only dreams came true.

Welcome dash man and stars from me too :) All of your experiences sound very familiar so it sounds like you've come to the right place at the right time for you. Can't add anything to the brilliant advice already given.
Bam HUGE congrats on nailing a week and not letting the voddy vampire lure you back. Echoing teapot am concerned about your DP and what you are describing as sounds like he could need medical support to stop safely.
vxa hope the interview went well and make sure to reward yourself with something other than booze as it is a stressful process whatever the outcome