Step inside it's the Dating Thread 92!

[Whatsforsupper]

I'm not one for songs Or starting threads I saw the last one was full.

I shall post The Rules shortly:)

Hi all, love this thread and I read it avidly, I hope you don't mind me joining, and asking for a bit of advice...
I've been seeing a guy, I'll call him Mr Van, for a good few weeks now, we'd both agreed at the end of last week to not see other people. This meant me cancelling a date with a very hot guy, I'll call him Mr Travel.
I saw Mr Van at the weekend, and we get on really well,but, I've now found out he used to do (hard) drugs and when I pressed him he said he does still get the urge sometimes.. Drugs are a big no no to me! So I'm struggling to know what to do, and am now regretting cancelling my date with Mr Travel..
Mr Travel however hasn't blocked me, which I thought he would ( I was honest as to why I was cancelling)... Do any of you reckon there's any way I can turn this around and get another date set up with him, and if so, how do I do it without seeming fickle or flighty?

I'm appalled Destiny that you sent him that message, there's no need to be that nasty and rude; a simple 'I didn't feel any spark' would have been enough. Just imagine for a second how you would feel being in the receiving end of a text like that... where have kindness and basic respect for others gone nowadays?

Well Rooby you could be honest about the situation. Or you could wait a while before getting back in touch with him? If you word it cleverly you might get away with it? Tricky. Because, if men were to play by our rules, the truth is he shouldn't actually touch you with a barge pole!

perhaps wait til the new year?

I think Dests reply was outrageous how would any of you feel if a date
texted you back with similar!

I've had more dates then I care to remember most I never saw more then once, I have never sent nor received such a mean spirited message,ever.

Ruby There is a large cohort of the population that has partaken in
illegal drugs of all types.I guess some context would help.

For example, was he addicted, how long did he use for, was it recreational you'd need to have that chat first before you can make an informed decision.

Or, you may consider all drugs bad therefore you won't date anyone who has touched them ,it could be a deal breaker.

Like all things, I think some digging may help your decision process.

I think she might have been a bit to the point but seeing that a lot of men get to the DTD then are never seen again?.

If she just didn't fancy him then she didn't, best that he knows where he stands?

RubyShooz If it were me then I'd dump the ex hard drug user and go for Mr Travel.

That's some rational Just then again I'm not surprised you think its acceptable!

I'd no idea she was talking on behalf of women who've found themselves being ghosted after sex.

Okay, some clarification on the drug use... He's an ex-user.. Addict? He says not, but he used it daily, and for a long time. My biggest concerns are that when I asked him if he'd return to it, he answered no, but if he had enough money he would. He also used to regularly do it in front of his kids...( obviously they were a lot younger and don't remember) but, this kind of gives me an insight into his morals I guess?? So that's where I'm struggling..he openly answers anything I ask him, doesn't appear to hide anything..but I'm going to have to think..

As for Mr Travel.. Handy Thank you. You're absolutely right, if it were the other way round he shouldn't touch me with a barge pole! I have emailed him, I told him the truth last week, and told tweaked the truth today, and have had an email back saying I'm too honest for my own good, but he'd like to still meet me! I suppose I'll have to see now...

Oh, based on that answer Ruby I'd go with no, it seems if circumstances are different he would be happy to continue to use, no-one needs an active addict in their lives.

If he'd said, you know I did X X and Y when I was X age ,I've stopped I have no interest,you could maybe think about it. That's not what I'm hearing.

Yes it probably was a bit harsh but if he wants to find a girlfriend then he needs to sort himself out a but. His weight and his rotting front teeth are things he can sort out if he wants to. I'm sure I won't be the only woman to be put off him because if these things. I could hardly bare to look at him as his teeth were so bad and if someone's dental hygiene is that bad, what's the rest of his hygiene going to be like? I couldn't kiss someone with such bad teeth! Just saying ' there's no spark' doesn't give him any feedback as to why I didn't find him attractive. It's up to him if he wants to do anything to make himself more attractive.

Hi Ruby! sounds to me like Mr Van is part of AA-type thing on drugs, you know with him being that open about it. So you are probably right in thinking he is not that over it. All in all you are right in asking yourself whether you want to deal with this at all. MrTravel does sound like he is very interested and understanding.. I would definitely go and see for myself if I were you!

Destiny I am sorry but I agree with posters (you did ask!): that was just mean and you probably should not take comfort in the fact that he may go see a dentist now. But what is done is done, moving on. And on "people dating out of their leagues" I think it is a lot of BS.

Popcorn Update: he is now texting more than ever and asked me to save him Wednesday AND Thursday. Not just evenings nights but days. Says he "could make me a spontaneous offer" (not sure that translates well). I am extremely excited to see what it is all about..

Meanwhile, I rescheduled my date with MrIkea for tonight. We will see how it goes!

However I think my head is about to explode with this multi-dating thing so I am going to turn down the rest of those I chatted with over Popcorn's long silence.

bant that is sooooo sweet!

rooby I would high tail it from that scenario. Well done him for being so honest about it, but it just wouldn't be my cup of tea.

jolly yay on Mr Popcorn! Let us know how Mr IKEA goes?

waving thanks for the update. Fingers and toes crossed for weds!

Anyone else got anymore dates this week?
Am living vicariously via you all!

whatsforsupper Well she probably did him a favour, hopefully it will provoke him to smarten himself up a bit that way he will stand a bigger chance of finding she whom he seeks!

I could do with some advice please!

I have started dating this man (It's been about 2 months), he's lovely we've known each other a while through friends. He already knows my DD (5) as we've been to events with everyone where he was there as well, they have always gotten on swimmingly but always as a mutual friend of mine. I'm a little confused how I should handle the situation now that we are dating. Do I talk to my daughter about it? How do I get the whole dating/ parenting balance right?

I'm definitely not rushing things and haven't introduced him to her as my BF or anything but he is coming to my DSis wedding in February with us.

UPDATE ON POPCORN: he asked to meet up in a (very nice, romantic) city that is 3h away from where we both live. Says the rest is a surprise.
Curious to hear what you think about it!

Ruby I was once in Mr Travel''s shoes - a guy stopped chatting to me before our first date because there was someone else he was seeing and they'd agreed not to see other people.

We had a date about 6 months later.

I didn't hold it against him at all - it showed that he was a sensible honest character.

Jolly presumably meeting up somewhere 3 hours from where you live is an overnight kind of thing?

Yup, Trills, but at this point an overnight is most welcome here he is the one holding off on sex..

Do you know what kind of thing you'll be doing? How will you know what clothes/shoes to take/wear?

jolly I'm intrigued.. I hope it goes well!

Trills you made me chuckle in your response.

Evening all,

So.. I have agreed to go on the short getaway with Popcorn.. I have the time and day and I know we will get back together on Thursday evening. That is it. I am mad, am I?
Trills that made me laugh so much, but then I had not thought about that. Mmmh, I guess I will take some sort of trainers (he knows I like whitewater rafting and that is definitely the place to do it) and heels.. and jeans/a dress (?). And nice knickers haha.

I am also just back from my first date with MrIkea - he is definitely nice and fun, and probably a little too nerdy for me. But there was no spark (Popcorn definitely has a bloody sense of timing). I think we could be friends anyways.

waving couple of questions.
how exactly did you leave it when you last saw each other? Was it with the comment of 'woah, slow down there?'. Or was it it 'see you next week?'