Step inside it's the Dating Thread 92!

[Whatsforsupper]

I'm not one for songs Or starting threads I saw the last one was full.

I shall post The Rules shortly:)

Urgh well mr bingo is a no-go.
He messaged me yesterday morning just saying hi how are you, I was on a break at work so I replied saying good thanks, I'm at work etc and we chatted about which gym we go to. Then he said "are we meeting on Monday?" To which I didn't reply as had to go back to work.

Later on he messaged just saying "died?" This really irked me, he knows I work full time and have a child I can't always instantly reply to messages. I had said earlier in the week that I'd let him know over the weekend if I was able to meet for coffee next week. I just unmatched him that probably makes me a vanisher but I just haven't got time (literally) for men to be thinking I'm at their beck and call 24/7 to reply. Maybe I'm not ready for OLD yet, after all??

pompster you can stop talking to anyone whenever you like. You are never obliged to continue a conversation.

(this is true for them too of course, even if it is annoying to be on the receiving end, or the non-receiving end as it were)

Evening all!

ittoo / Handy - I would just go on a date with him and see how that goes. Who knows maybe you could have a good surprise. Or maybe mind-blowing sex like Poop (congrats!!! ).

Cain - Hope your date is going well!!

Pompster - I would reply "Not ..yet." and see if he has at least a sense of humour

Just - I agree entirely with you on the interpretation of rule 7, it is more a case of "YOU and only you matter, until you two are a thing".
I certainly do not want to feel like I should be the rabbit these guys are meant to be chasing down the woods, haha.

So now, Jolly, reporting back from the field: not only has Popcorn sent his stupid work text, he has been sending me messages on whatsapp of much higher quality; he asked how I was, made references to what we had been talking about together and... sent a picture from Germany. I knew he was supposed to go there but earlier in the week and thought he was back (his entire reason for ditching me on Friday was because he wanted to meet up with his best friend who was on a surprise visit from pretty far away).

Looks like indeed ignoring him was great advice. Thank you all for weighing in and keeping me off my phone!

But now I am confused - where the hell is he??

Backstory on Popcorn is that we seem to have hit it off on the first date, graduated to kissing and general fooling around on the second and repeated that on the third. No sex as he wanted to "wait until date#4". Dates were all 10 days apart so we have texted at least once a day for those 3 weeks. He also called twice. He says he is looking for a LTR after coming back from 6 months of travelling by himself. In short, he is ready to grow up (we both are very late twenties and in a similar situation).

That is a bloody perfect picture isn't it? Almost too good to be true, especially since he just disappeared after I showed some interest in seeing him more. So either he is a maniac or I am an insecure idiot...

Anyhow, date on Tuesday with Mr Ikea looks like it is going to be a good one. He is funny, pretty laid back and eager to travel. And he is..German. Dammit. I am cursed.

LISTEN UP YOU LOT - HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME!

Ok, not long home from a date that was going swimmingly. Not the first we've had together, the millionth. Not dtd but were both happy with the speed of progression. Tonight was quite likely the night. We're neither of us in a hurry but we spent hours on the sofa & I had come with my toothbrush for the morning after just in case So, it's already very late & I finally decide 'Yes I will stay over'. I tell him I'm just going to nip to the loo but I'm gasping for a drink, can he get me one & I'll be back in a mo. So I go upstairs to the only lav in the house & find myself confronted with the most enormous unflushed turd peeking out of the water, surrounded by a medley of unappealing squitty floaters & 3 or 4 'rolls' of loo paper (rolled tightly like cigarettes?) - dropped on top!!! Yeeeeeukkkkk. Unfortunately it totally killed the moment dead for me. It took two flushes to get rid of (I still had my pee, I really needed it) & whilst I waited for the tank to refill I looked around the tiny room & saw a massive thick cobweb (a good 10yrs worth) & a skinny spider on another wall. The whole thing had an air of batchelor neglect. I went downstairs feeling totally cold & having previously said I was staying over, then said I was leaving. Cue much consternation from him & a mad dash upstairs as he remembered the turd. Too late, it was gone! I'd flushed it. He then started to apologise for the turd & I stopped him in his tracks. I couldn't bare to hear about it. We had our drinks in almost stoney silence. He didn't want me to go & persuaded me to spend 5 mins with him just lying in each others arms on the bed. I did it to appease him but it changed nothing. I got up & told him I was leaving & he accepted it. Downstairs I gave him a nice kiss to let him know I still cared & then drove off. He's a good man. I've dated a whole load of knobs & finally thought I was getting somewhere. But this? It's REALLY put me off. What am I going to do?

waving He's in his 50s ffs. I know I should be laughing about this but right now I'm still mortified. He's bought new bed linen too! I'm so embarrassed. I don't know how to face him again & I'll just die if he brings it up.

Now I am getting silly. Perhaps he'd saved it for verification: Guinness Book of Records ' dump of the year'

atomic
Oh nooooo! That is mortifying! I so don't blame you for that putting you off.

So putting my pragmatic hat on, we all go to the toilet. Granted being confronted by it is gross, but we all do it. Is it possible that you arrived just as he was finishing up so to speak? It sounds as though he had been trying to flush it and it kept floating (hence the tissue). You arrived and he totally forgot. Hey, on one hand you could take it as a compliment? He was happy to see you he forgot about the turd??

Ok, for me. I'd have had the same reaction. Would have killed me cold. But I'm not entirely sure It would mean I stop seeing him, especially if we have been getting on. I'd wait to see if you hear from him/ how he handles it. He could win you over with humour on this one....

morning waving

Enjoy your boozy lunch with friends today!
The rules would say that absolutely under no circumstances do you text him.
The premise is that right now he expects you to. The (rude) comment he made about the daytime date shows that he thinks you're trying to start some form of dating. Your texting him will reinforce that. He'll tick a box in a head, say yup, predictable and continue to engage the way he is.
If you don't text then that breaks what he expects you to do. Suddenly he's not so sure that you're as interested as he thought you were and the theory is that he will get back in touch.

Listen, I have to put one disclaimer out there. I get the feeling the rules are not popular on this thread. These are not my views, and I don't necessarily agree that playing these games is healthy or right. I've read the book because I was curious and I find some aspects of it fascinating.
Do I think it's right to not text someone on their birthday? Of course I don't. It's rude. But the rules say make them work at deserving your time and attention (I don't disagree with that last part).

Any more dates this weekend?

waving I don't think that is petty. Probably a very good compromise actually. Spot on i would say.
Lol at the knickers! It makes total sense to me.
I swear I didn't overthink things this much in my 20's. I'm sure the guys didn't either. Not sure where along the way this all got so complicated!

Have fab days everyone!

Atomic - I would have been put off too, but I am not sure it is a valid reason for ditching him entirely. You know shit happens and all that, haha. Now I guess he is going to try to get you back in his good graces.

Waving - texting "happy birthday" is perfectly fine I think. If he runs away because it makes him believe you expect marriage he probably has not got the smallest idea of who you really are. Which at this point would be a reason for you to run for the hills.

Sassy - I am late 20s and already overthinking this a bloody lot. There is not much hope for me is it ? Lol

Warning! TIM follows!

Atomicbutterfly I've got a lav that sometimes will return the "goods" but usually only one of 'em!. It sort of goes down just enough to hide then sometimes comes back out again. Problem is its in an odd place the lav and there's a water pressure problem. Room is acceptable other wise tho no plans to bring a lady back there at the moment, but your right there is a bachelor clean and a woman's clean they do have the edge on it;!

FWIW sometimes your gut can add more air to the "refuse" to make it float! there're usually sinkers rather than floaters;!

There that put everyone off their lunch;???

Hello!! Can I jump in please? Back on the OLD bandwagon after 18 months of being loved up then it all went tits up!

Please can I have some advice? Went on a lunchtime date today with a guy who although he had a pleasant personality was pretty overweight, balding and had rotten front teeth! I didn't fancy him at all and although he was a genuinely nice person I know I don't want to see him again. How can I let him down gently...?

Destiny just tell him you 'didn't feel a spark'.

Covers all bases.

Destiny if your date contacts you, then I'd just say thank you, but that you don't wish to take it any further & good luck for the future- end of .

^^ or what she said- lol.

Handywoman that is...

I hate OLD!!!!

I posted previously about an ex wanting to get back together. It's so hard to meet someone online I'm sorely tempted as there's so many unsuitable men out there. Not that's a good reason to stay with someone but the older you get the more difficult it is. Am ( sort of ) ok with being single and have occasional fuckbuddies, but my God it was not what I envisioned for myself in my twenties! ( am in my fourties now )

Just thought I would share this 'gem'.... Had a message that a man wants to meet me in London (60 miles out of my radius). He's 33 years old, so 12 years below my minimum, but the best part is..

" My name is ***, I'm looking for a mature date, with no luggage or past."

Bloody brilliant! .

God there are so many young men who are looking for older women. WTF is that about??

I don't know, maybe a mother figure (yuk) or the fact that they know they won't be committing, so just after one thing only.

Perhaps they think we should be grateful? Well I'm certainly not.

Destiny if I go on a date, I just see it as a few hours communication with another person- nothing more and nothing less. I refuse to give myself too much expectation beforehand.

Destiny and Lacoba It is probably because women in their age group are insecure idiots. Like me

Popcorn and I are back on the regular texting track.. Though he has not come up with a date yet so..

Maybe I can hand Popcorn over to you both once he finally says he is not that much into me lol