Step inside it's the Dating Thread 92!

[Whatsforsupper]

I'm not one for songs Or starting threads I saw the last one was full.

I shall post The Rules shortly:)

Jolly I'd say he was hoping to have sex with you and was put off by the 'taking it slow' message, hence cancelling the next arrangement. Sorry but I'd avoid him if I were you.

Well nice that is what I would have said too if I had not got a bit over the top on date #2.. let's just say I am probably as or even more eager than him in that department

So perhaps he now thinks I am a proper slut now, haha.

So am waiting at the pub for Mr Sunglasses to arrive. It's very nerve wracking. I think I've always managed to be second to arrive on all previous first dates.

lois put him out of your mind and don't message him again. If he's keen he'll be back in touch I reckon

sparkles do you have a date with Mr Libra tonight?

waving sorry I didn't come back in time for you did I?

fish go for it! But only if you don't care whether you see him again or not. Right now I think something like that could knock my confidence so I wouldn't do it Incase that does happen.

handy well done. Life is too short to spend time with bad kissers!

tigger good on you! Would you go again?

lacoba agreed, good on you!

venus welcome and good luck on date tonight! Report back!

justaboy I read that list on the other thread. There is no way I could follow that. I'd need to carry it around and check things off!

jolly welcome! So I am following the outlines of the bitches book. It's proving interesting so far. Very very interesting. I can update on why if anyone is interested

doughnut you're brave! I don't let anyone into my inner sanctum!

Sorry if I missed anyone off.

So I had a brilliant night out last night. Met tons of new guys. And tried some of the bitches rules with interesting outcomes!
The amount of young guys well up for being with an older woman is astonishing!
I may have spent 3 hours dancing and kissing one of them!

Hope all daters are having fun if anyone is out on dates tonight!

I hate OLD so much! It seems to be full of entitled creepy men that wouldn't have the nerve to approach you in real life.

An ex, who I dated for 4 months earlier in the year but dumped me by text as he was ' too busy'
( self employed architect, divorced but 3 kids ), sent me a message today saying he'd like to try again. I did really like him but not sure if I want to try again. His work and kids did seem to take up all of his time so I rarely saw him. Am wondering if he's just contacted me as it's cold and dark and he's a bit bored and lonely. However, he was lovely and I'm so fed up of OLD that I'm thinking of giving it another go, what do pp think..?

Destiny I'll be blunt. I'd tell someone who dumped me by text after 4 months of dating to take a flying leap.

But that's just me. I am playing by the bitch rules after all!

Destiny, I wouldn't give him another chance how ever tempting it may be, chances are he dumped you because something better came along, now it hasn't worked out he has come back to you. Have had something similar happen to me, fist guy I dater who vanished into thin air, didn't answer my texts, he messaged me 4 months later appolagising and trying to tell me he has has a stressful few months and would I like to meet up? I told him to get lost. I really liked him and I was very tempted to forgive and forget.

sassy - please DO post those rules, from Mr Popcorn dragging me around for 3 weeks it seems I am in desperate need of a lesson of bitchiness

Destiny - I think what helped me most (today) was to ask myself "could I be happy with this or is it possible I deserve better?"

I said yes to the latter and booked a date with a new guy (going to be Mr Ikea) for next Tuesday. And I am talking to a rather persistant other bloke. That will keep me busy before Popcorn or the lack of it gets under my skin.

venus - good luck to you!!

Thanks for the advice. Problem is since April, when I got dumped, I've done lots of dating and really not met anyone v nice ( is slim pickings where I live and I'm over 40 which limits it even further) I'm tempted to meet up with him just to see what he has to say for himself.

Ok so kids in bed and I'll share the bits I have used. In bite sized chunks.

Don't ever chase the guy (so don't be the first to ask for his number, message him, or move location in a bar etc to get closer to him)

• I've stuck to this. Re numbers. I haven't offered my number to anyone. If we swap numbers I don't message first. So far the two guys who have asked for my number have followed up.

Don't move location to get closer to a cute guy.
So my girlfriends and I stayed in a hard to get to (but visible) part of the bar for the first few hours last night. We all wanted to test this theory) And we didn't move. If guys wanted to talk to us, they had to leave the main bar and walk up some stairs. A large number of guys made that walk just to hit on my hot friends.

So far on theory one I think the rules are right. We will of course continue to rest them.

Second rule:

Rambling/ chatty/ friendly messages

Stop them. Now this one I was in two minds on. I'm naturally friendly and chatty, it's in my nature so I thought 'hold on'.
But then I read the reason why and thought it makes total sense. Men are (on the whole) short and to the point.

Example:
He sends a message asking 'how's your day going?'

Let's say a chatty response looks like' fab thanks. Pretty busy. Had a good couple of meetings and then have an event later, so a late one for me. Hope your day is going ok?'

You've given too much away. He didn't actually want to know all of that, nor did he need to. And you've tried to extend the conversation.

A better response would be 'fine thanks. Hope your day is going well too'

Short. To the point. You're not trying to extend the conversation and ask a question back. You come across as cool, breezy, polite and busy.
This intrigues them!

Again. I'm trying this and oh my word it works (so far!) It has had the reverse response of him sending more messages, chattier as he tries to draw me out. It's extraordinary.

Yes there is also an element of don't sit there messaging for hours and don't reply straightaway, but the move from chatty messages to brief to the point has been brilliant for me!

I'll give more later! Let me know that you think about those two.

Totally up for debate. I'm intrigued what you all think about it

So I'm back from date with Mr Sunglasses already. (We spent two hours together, that's not too ridiculously short is it?)

He was nice and good-looking and tall and obviously intelligent but, I don't know, after two hours I'd kinda had enough. I'm not sure if it was a lack of spark between us or if I'm not quite ready for this dating business again just yet.

It was me who ended the date. He was, like, "Right, what would you like to do now?" We'd sort of reached a point where going for food would have been the next natural step. I said "I think I'm ready to call it a night now" and things got immediately chilly. I feel a bit bad because he had come quite a long way out of his way to meet whereas I was only a mile up the road from my house.

Not sure if I should contact him or wait for him to contact me. I'm not against the idea of chatting a bit more via text and possibly having a second date. But I don't really care if that doesn't happen, either.

Unfortunately, I don't have any funny or cringeworthy anecdotes to share with the group. Although I did almost leave the house wearing one black boot and one brown one. It was only when I thought "Hmm, why does it feel like my heels are slightly different heights?" that I realised that I had non-matching footwear on. That could have been awkward.

Had my 5th date with Mr libra n we ended up in bed....we were both incredibly nervous and he could not get an erection. He was mortified but it didn't bother me really, it was first time n he was shaking bless him.

What does bother me though is he reeked of smoke but says he quit a few months ago. I text him about it and he been a bit stroppy saying we not known each other long! I'm a bit fed up to be honest that he's lied to me !

Well, I agree with both rules so far..

#1: I only give out my number once 1) we have agreed on going on a date and 2) he had given me his first. I actually text him with mine afterwards.
BUT if I never "ask out", I might actually hint this is time we meet up or that I would like to see more. Surprisingly they do not seem to mind a little nudge.

#2: I tend to do the friendly texting too, I feel it gives him some stuff to keep the ball rolling.
BUT I have noticed that whenever I stick to one liners, they come running for more. Popcorn especially was very sensitive to that.

See, this is what I meant earlier on: how are we supposed to get a feeling of the other if we completely change our behaviour to attract men? I wish we could just say "this is how I am, you can take it or leave it".

Destiny, I don't think that dumping by text is necessarily a bad thing.

My last relationship (5 months-ish) ended by text. We both hated talking on the phone. We conversed regularly by text. We lived 200 miles apart from one another so meeting up to finish the relationship would have been somewhat ridiculous. (And unless you live very close and/or have been going out a significant amount of time arranging a meet-up just to finish things seems a bit mean.)

I guess it comes down to how you think things ended with Mr Architect. Did you feel like he treated you shoddily? I wonder if he's been dating inbetween and you're on his 'reserve' list or if he removed himself from the dating game and now thinks he could handle it and regrets finishing things with you?

Personally - given that you say he's lovely - I would meet up for a drink with my sceptical "Ain't gonna take no shit from nobody" head on and see if there might be anything in it.

Thanks Venus he did live far from me and also hated chatting on the phone. He was also genuinely overwhelmed with work contracts he was getting in and saw his kids a lot. However I was pretty cut up about it. Don't know if he was seeing anyone else, don't know how he'd find the time which is why I'm willing to meet just for a drink to see what he has to say for himself. I'm pretty detached from it now ( although I did like him a lot at the time), and have a few FBs on the go so could walk away from it.

Have consciously taken my time to answer his messages tho whereas before I was so keen I'd answer straightaway!

Doughnuts be careful with the 'I'm sharing with my ex" ... Take care.

After my disappointing date last night, I got talking to a guy & to be far, it didn't get off to the best of starts, but he is interesting- we will see...

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory

10. No dating the thread

The rules above came from the first online daters that started this thread I think they evolved over a long period of online dating it wasn't about how to get a man or women more how to deal with the crap online.

I thought they offered some decent advice ..............

I think the rules Justposted are set so high no-one could ever be good enough!

Toosassy What you're suggesting will by its definition have some success I don't know changing how you are normally is a healthy way to attract men.

Jolly You did nothing wrong. There is nothing wrong with saying Id like to see more of you. He,on the other hand is a dick for fucking off.

Me. I stopped online dating quite a while back,I was simply burnt out. I'm feeling great I may well give it a go again.

Destinysdaughter As he's self employed I think you can be a bit easier on him. Been there and know what its like, he might be trying to get some money in just before Christmas and just needs to be there to do the work he's not going to pick up a pay cheque being self employed.

If you do suspect that he dropped you for someone else then I expect you'll pick up on that soon enough. Use your best judgement as I expect you will!

whatsforsupper

1. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you

Is that for the men as well;?

Yes he was constantly chasing work and working crazy hours but has now sold his business so doesn't have to do that now. Even his kids complained at how much he worked! I don't think he was a bad person but definitely did not have time for a relationship. I'm a fair minded person so will see what he has to say but do feel quite guarded as he's been quite flakey and hurt me before.

Yes, I believe the rules applied to both sexes, mind you it was written long before I was posting on these threads.

None the less, I think there is some sage advice in those words:)