Step inside it's the Dating Thread 92!

[Whatsforsupper]

I'm not one for songs Or starting threads I saw the last one was full.

I shall post The Rules shortly:)

Good for you!

Waving so you and Mr Soho have broken his drought??? Good on ya girl

Mr libra can't wait n says he needs fresh boxers just chatting to me sometimes bless him

Onwards and upwards handy woman plenty more where he came from....took me 3 year to find Mr libra but I'm sure he's the one I've been looking for...watch this space

My date tonight gals... Funny as f**k, but what a disaster!

He came across as very much my type in phone calls and text. Showed an interest in what I do and seemed quite keen.

Forward to tonight- a man who quite clearly is not over his ex partner " I thought she was my soul mate". Followed by a load of me, me ,me.

He was quite fit, but I have decided to raise and keep my expectations beyond this. A good learning curve none the less.

Good on you Lacoba

I've arranged a date with Mr Daisy who I think is quite hot judging by his photos. And who has been fun to exchange messages with. FUN!! FUN!

He doesn't live nearby. And says he lives with his ex but has been emphatic about being single.

Poss against my better judgement and definitely against the rules, have decided to make a face to face assessed of the situation.

Oh dear.

Hello fellow daters! Hope it's OK if I join in.

I started online dating in January and had a bunch of dates and stuff. Met someone in April through OKC and we ended up seeing up seeing one another exclusively for 4/5 months. He lives Up North but was working in London during the week so it was all fine but unfortunately his London contract wasn't renewed so he is living up North full time now. We tried to do the long-distance thing for a bit but it wasn't really working and we finished. (His decision but I think it was for the best.) Mr North and I are still in contact as friends though. I think if he got another job down South I would be up for seeing him again but I'm not sure.

Anyway! I took a bit of a break from OLD but then reactivated my OKC account a couple of days ago.

I have a date tomorrow evening! Let's call him Mr Sunglasses-on-head. (Three out of four pictures, he has sunglasses on the top of his head. Not even beach-type pictures. What's that about?) He seems funny and nice from the chats we've had. He is going to meet me in my town. I need to choose a pub. He's coming by train. How far can I expect him to walk? The pub I was going to suggest is a mile from the station. Is that too far? I think all the pubs near to the station will be fairly hellish on a Friday evening. Actually ALL pubs are going to be full of drunk office workers having Christmas dos, aren't they?

Oh and well done Tigger for doing Speed Dating! Very impressed. I'm not sure I could do that. I worry it favours the young and the beautiful. (I am neither but I am jolly lovely - just not sure I could "sell" my loveliness in 5 mins.)

And sorry, Lacoba, I did laugh at your terrible date. Banging on about one's ex on a first date is really not a good look is it?

He lives with his ex but has been emphatic about being single

Eek, Handywoman. Good luck!

Lacoba66 and others.

There's another tread doing the rounds on online dating, here's one contributors ideas on the subject!. I called it her dating "terms and conditions" see what you think!. Sure she won't mind me quoting it.

1. I will not date someone who is still married, even if separated, unless it's been for at least a year

2.I will not date someone who shows any signs of not being fully over an ex

3.I will not date someone who has any “big” issues (substance abuse, financial problems, mental health)

4.I won’t wait around or put my life on hold for anyone for any reason

5.I won’t continue to see someone who doesn’t treat me with consideration and respect consistently. That includes when they do it and apologise after.

6.I won’t date someone who is inconsistent or sends mixed messages or blows hot and cold

7.I won’t date someone where the relationship is all on their terms, their speed, their schedule and where my needs aren't met.

8.I won’t allow anyone to have sex with me unles they are ready for commitment and say that.

9.I won’t have sex with anyone who is seeing other people or shows signs they might potentially be.

10.Lie to me once, and you are out

11.I will drop men who communicate only by text like a hot potato

12.I will not date anyone who does not make time for me in their day

13.I will not date anyone more than 6 dates who is keeping their options open by remaining on dating websites.

14.I will not play Florence Nightingale to a broken man or think I can heal someone else.

15.I will not date someone who is emotionally unavailable and not able to connect with me properly.

16.I will not tolerate someone who's actions do not match their words.

17.I will not date someone who is ok with disappointing me

18.I will not date someone I feel is beneath me just to feel "safer".

19.I will not date someone who makes me feel like I have to fight for their attention

20.I will not date someone who is geographically or otherwise unavailable for a close relationship

21.I will not date anyone who has a history of cheating or badly ending relationships

22.I will not see someone more than three times for “casual” if they (or I) do not want a relationship

23.I will not date anyone who does not include me in their life within 5 – 6 months of dating

24.I will not date anyone who does not allow for my need for space and independence or who is in a hurry to get married.

25.I will not date anyone who seems to have a negative attitude to life or love in general.

26.I will end relationships if I feel anxiety, confusion or a gut feeling or a need to ask someone on Mumsnet about it and talking to the person calmly once or twice has not resolved my feelings of unhappiness.

venus if he's coming by train, then he can grab a Cab easy enough to within a mile and yes this time of year will be manic where ever you choose!

Oh and date tonight was 10 mins late, which pissed me off, so I got him to buy me 2 drinks ( always a positive)

Tonight's date also told be he had become a guarantor to his ex on a property she bought, within 6 months of them knowing each other . I felt like I was at work, listening to his shite- lol.

justaboy I do get the list, but anyone of us could have some ( but not many of them).

I don't think anyone is that 'sorted' but, yes I do agree that it's worth reviewing the list for 'stuff' that's maybe not on your own radar .

Onwards & upwards - lol.

Handywoman beware... Lol.

I know! I know! I'm stupid!!!!!!!!!!

You're not stupid Handywoman! For a start, you've mentioned it on here. So you know it's a flag. You're not going in all "La la la, nothing could possibly be dodgy in this scenario." Just take care.

Speed date - 8 out of 10 males who attended the event have entered their choices - you have no matches

So have joined OLD. One of the profiles reads ' what my friends DON'T know about me is that I iron a mean shirt - prove me wrong and I'll treat you ' whoopee doo! Go get him girls!

Ouch, Tigger. You had zero matches with the people you met though, didn't you?

Tigger

See, "what my friends DON'T know about me is that I iron a mean shirt" sounds promising. I never iron but I respect someone who takes pride in their ironing skills.

but then "prove me wrong"... Um? Prove that you DON'T iron a mean shirt? That sounds like a fun date.

"and I'll treat you" and DELETE.

Would anyone pass all of the criteria on that list all of the time? I know I wouldn't. Surely everyone has experienced a painful, messy breakup at some point in their lives for example? Although I do like the principle of having some non negotiable standards that you can refer back to when unsure.

Tigger so he irons a mean shirt huh? Er... ok. In 2015 the fact that he feels this is something to shout about tells you everything you need to know

Handywoman I'm going to be honest and say I don't think that guy sounds like a good bet. Even if it's true that he's single (and it may not be) he's not really in a good position to be developing something with anyone else. You sound fab and I reckon you can do better. But like everyone else has said, it's great that you have your eyes wide open if you do decide to meet with him.

Venus you could always meet in a closer pub and then move on to somewhere else as another option? A pub crawl! (do not listen to me)

Meanwhile I have a feeling that I am just like one of those annoying dating site guys everyone complains about. I find myself just feeling lazy about the whole thing. I reply to first messages thinking, "I'll give this a go" then lose enthusiasm and drift off. I think I must come across as flaky to the guys who show an interest. But I am looking forward to my date on Monday. His profile photo appears very honest in the sense that it's a head shot done on a webcam with a full smile - so nothing hidden. And he's gawjus! He seems fun and as though he has an active working and social life too - he isn't logged on all the time and he's not blowing up my phone - all positive.

Didn't really fancy anyone there - only been signed up on OLD since last night and already 50 plus men want to 'meet me'. However no messages yet so obviously very early days - will see what the weekend brings.

Hi all! Can I join your lovely thread?

I am kind of new to OLD and as they say "dipping my toes in the water" but I feel like there are only sharks eager to bite them off in there!

In 3 weeks, I have had:

• countless creepy messages
• around a dozen "proper" conversations with men that could possibly be matches
• 4 of them I agreed to go on dates with
• 1 said he felt no connection (and to be fair the fact he was a fairly recent widower with two young kids kind of scared me away anyways)
• 1 I had a lovely conversation with for about 10 days before we met..and I felt absolutely no spark. In my defense his voice was very high-pitch.
• 1 canceled the date one hour beforehand because he had met up earlier with someone "who he liked and did not want to date multiple women at the same time". Fair enough. still gutted I was the one who postponed the date
• 1 I have had three dates with sofar. We seem to have some kind of connection but I have no idea whether I can or even should trust him or anything he says. Let's call him Mr Popcorn.

Am I the only one who thinks that somehow we should not be made to follow some rules rather than be ourselves??

For instance: I am a strong believer in blunt honesty. I told Mr Popcorn after our third date (3 weeks after we first spoke, at least a text a day, 3 longish dates with some deeper discussions about family/future plans, kissing on the second) that "I would like to spend more time with him and was keen on seeing what we seem to have is going." For the context this was after he had to cancel plans (for a perfectly valid reason - if true) and I felt guilty that on the third date I said I wanted to take this slow.
He replied jokingly that it "wasn't what I had said on date #3 but that we will manage something".
I have not heard from him since then and I can see he is online.

So, wise fellow daters, what do you think? Is this the price for breaking the rules? Is he just pulling away now that he feels the hunt is over? Or running for the hills because I look too eager?

FWIW, I am actually not head over heels with him, I just wanted to see where this was going and a date every 10 days (both busy schedules at the moment) was not likely to help me decide on Popcorn's case..

I had a last minute date last night, though I say a date he actually came to my house (I know I broke the rules), anyway I won't go into lots of details but it was very spontaneous and very romantic. We had been chatting for a while online and seemed to get on really well, he popped in on his way home from working away and he stayed quite a while, we seemed to click straight away, he chatted a lot, kissed a lot and cuddled . All seemed to go really well, the only problem (and it's possibly a big problem ) is he is still sharing a house with his ex and his children, he explained why and I believe what he is saying is true, he's only home for 2 nights a week as he works away for the rest of the week. I guess I feel a little odd about this but I kind of understand why things are the way they are. I am seeing him again on Monday.

Fish I am with you on the "let's try this one - wait nope, tired" feeling. It is hard work and so confusing: you are meant to keep your options open to remind you "it is BS until it happens" but then you cannot possibly reply to everything all the time, so you are flaky.

genuinely