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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Step inside it's the Dating Thread 92!

1002 replies

Whatsforsupper · 17/07/2015 13:39

I'm not one for songs Or starting threads I saw the last one was full.

I shall post The Rules shortly:)

OP posts:
Gohackyourself · 04/10/2015 16:35

Well I've heard no more from "freak " pof guy- I've deleted my account so let's hope that's the end of him.

Am def off OLD for a while- it spooked me:-(

niceupthedance · 05/10/2015 07:21

Onemorerose did he reply?

Username I'd be careful about falling for someone after two dates - don't want to be the voice of doom but rather the voice of reason!

I'm currently having a dilemma, met man 1 had two great dates, then he's been busy for a couple of weeks (legit, I think). In the meantime, I have happened to match with one of his best mates, who is very keen to meet me. Luckily I googled him and found the connection before I agreed to a drink. Should I mention this to man 1? What if his friend tells him? I enjoy man 1's company and don't want him to think I'm chatting up his mates on the quiet.

onemorerose · 05/10/2015 08:03

Niceupthedance, I take it this is tinder? How awkward, and slightly funny. I don't know, if you are interested in man 1 then I wouldn't meet his friend. However, if you really do want to meet man 2 you could claim not to have ever known. And it is tinder after all?

My guy has been in contact and we are meeting this weekend! I'm feeling nervous about it already! He told me not to go there when I asked him about the difference in his message quantity, he said he met me and he likes me. Maybe all the messages were just to get the initial meeting? Now he has "hooked" me he doesn't need to bother? Or he's playing it really cool because i told him I didn't like men who come on too strong? I don't know? I need to be in daily contact though if I'm to go ahead and meet him this weekend. We met on tinder and neither of us is looking for anything serious.

usernameangstfuckoff · 05/10/2015 08:40

Dance - I know. I'm emotionally moving too fast. But I can't help myself. I am trying to slow things down in my head. I went on another date with another guy on Saturday, but again, no spark. Also still chatting to a few online. So I am trying! But still, can't stop thinking about this particular one...

Wotsitsareafterme · 05/10/2015 11:06

Mark I h my place really. Don't have much to report as still soldiering on with the engineer with the weirdness.

WavingNotDrowning · 05/10/2015 14:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JellyBean31 · 05/10/2015 15:16

I have yet to master the art of the first message waving. I am messaging a few guys atm. Mr 29yr old who is keen & whose messages make me laugh, but we're probably not going to get a chance to meet up for a few weeks due to commitments on both sides. I know he's only after sex but as I haven't yet decided whether "company without commitment" is all I want I'm going to keep the contact going. Another younger guy Mr 36 seems interested in more than just sex but he's new to OLD so I am going to assume he's messaging me + others. Another guy who is actually closer to my age, Mr Scotland says he doesn't like messaging & wants to talk on the phone, I'm much more comfortable messaging until a meet is arranged then happy to talk on the phone so I'm not sure what to do about him.

Handywoman · 05/10/2015 19:58

Hello! been OLD for a couple of weeks. It's like pulling teeth! Am on OkC, PoF and Match. I've messaged some nice looking guys but nada (bit rude actually!). Got chatting to a few, might meet one. But out of the many many many 'possibles' it really is a needle-in-haystack situation! Not really sure what I'm after, there seems to be a lot of jaded people, pervs and non-responders. Steering clear of picks with sunglasses, group pics, six packs, children and puppies! Getting sick of the many PoF 'wants to meet me' notifications - if they want to meet me they will send an actual MESSAGE - SURELY!!! Ho hum! Shall continue for a bit! Have a rare child-free Sunday so was hoping to have got something lined up by now!

niceupthedance · 06/10/2015 07:02

Oh I never bother sending first messages. It has never ever led to a date, for me.

Well an update, I found out man 2 had told man 1 he'd matched me so I sent a message saying hope man 1 wasn't pissed off, but I had the feeling he wasn't that into me - and I was right! He'd met someone else and had been dithering about telling me. And he doesn't mind if I meet his friend. Massive LOL.

Handywoman · 06/10/2015 07:44

So 'nice' do you just wait for people to get in touch with you?

Seems a bit 19th century?

Very confused Confused

Oysterbabe · 06/10/2015 08:12

That's what I did Handy. If does seem silly but I think a lot of them prefer it that way.

niceupthedance · 06/10/2015 10:20

Yep I 'like' or match them or whatever and wait and see if they're really interested. Some people just do the 'like' thing to see how many they can get!

KayDee81 · 06/10/2015 10:49

Hi all! So.. ive joined Tinder! lol

Ive got quite a few matches - ego boost Star. But the guys on there are all clearly after one thing, sigh. Has anyone had any luck?

usernameangstfuckoff · 06/10/2015 12:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JessePinkman33 · 06/10/2015 13:19

Hi everyone I'd like to join I'm divorced,38. I'm really really crap with men/flirting/dating confidence etc! I got married to someone much older than me, who I knew was wrong for me but thought I'd be left on the shelf what with my inability to talk to men Shock I have amazing dcs though & want more.
Joined match but haven't seen anyone I like the look of yet - what's pof? I'm not too confident about old anyway..don't have that thick skin & never going to grow one! What other ways can I meet people?

Bant · 06/10/2015 13:46

The majority of messages I got from women were usually 'Hiya.. lol' or 'Howz u, babe'. Some of them were more wordy, and decent, and referred to something in my profile - those were more interesting.

But generally, if I didn't fancy the woman who'd sent the message, I wouldn't reply. I used to, to begin with, with a polite 'thanks but no thanks' message, but received vitriolic responses so I started to just ignore them.

I think I ended up having two or three dates with women who'd messaged me first. My current girlfriend is one of those, and we're now talking about moving in together next year - so it can work.

As for the 'Meet Me' thing - well, in my case I swiped lots of them, because there were hundreds of women on there, some of them looked good. Some would like me back, and so I'd send messages to some of them. But just because there's a mutual match, it doesn't mean I'd message every single one of them, there could be dozens.

It's a numbers game. You can get very lucky, or it might never work. Any man who finds you attractive and interesting and yet loses interest because you messaged first - well, he's a dick.

Cronenberg · 06/10/2015 14:59

Hi all

I'm hopefully going to go on my first date in around 7 years with a lovely girl who messaged me first on POF tomorrow. I just wanted some advice as it's been such a long time since I last went on a date and I'm a bit nervous which I'm sure is normal. Do I bring flowers? Or is that coming on too strong. I want to make a good impression as she seems really cool. Thanks in advance

campervan67 · 06/10/2015 15:01

Hey everyone waves

Still haven't managed a 3rd date with my bloke, but we've been texting daily at least. It's tricky finding time because of kids, work, distance etc, we're only managing a date about every 3 weeks at the moment! It actually kind of suits me, after last time I don't want to get into anything too intense too soon, so just having someone in the background is quite nice!

Username on LinkedIn I find it doesn't always tell you everyone who's looked at your profile, just some, maybe that's because I'm.not an upgraded user? In anycase, I don't reckon looking at his Linkedin profile could be classed as stalking! I always do it I too would be cautious about the going back to his family every other weekend though... Just be cautious I guess and see what you can find out.

As for messaging, I think it is a bit of a sexist world out there as I too never had much luck from messaging the bloke first! I think there's some weird psychological bloke thing going on, they like to do the chasing Hmm My usual tactic is to like/favourite people and see if they message me.

WavingNotDrowning · 06/10/2015 15:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cronenberg · 06/10/2015 15:19

Thanks for that Waving, i'll stick to just being myself and see how it goes.

I really don't understand why some men are not replying to getting a first message, I personally saw it as a big compliment and wasted no time in messaging back.

Handywoman · 06/10/2015 19:29

You sound lovely, Cronen

Have a lovely date!!

niceupthedance · 06/10/2015 20:44

Kay - I think you just have to keep going! I've met three people from tinder and they've all been looking for a relationship. But I had over 300 matches to get those three!

Broadbandbonanza · 07/10/2015 07:56

Tinder is just a meat market in my experience

NoraLouca · 07/10/2015 12:50

Hey everyone! Just checking into the thread for the first time in ages, recognise a few names, hope you're all doing OK.

I'm still seeing the guy I met back in June. We appear to be in a relationship although that wasn't what I wanted to start with I've changed my mind Grin and it's going well. He wants me to meet his parents, which is quite scary as I'm not sure I'm ideal girlfriend material (early 30s and already divorced with dc Grin ) but he seems to think it'll be OK. I'm quite nervous that he'll change his mind about liking me as he gets to know me better, but that hasn't happened yet. Need to chill.

Really I just wanted to say that it is possible to meet nice blokes online, and good luck to all of you still looking. Flowers

campervan67 · 07/10/2015 13:42

Aww, Nora that's great to hear! Lovely to hear success stories Smile
Cronen don't forget to report back on your date Wink

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