Boyfriend has porn images in photo album on his phone

[Thislife1]

I was using my boyfriend's phone yesterday and noticed that in between the photos he's taken of me and his 9yo son there are lots of porn images of women. I know that he looks at porn when I'm not there, and I'm ok with that, but I felt shocked seeing these images in his photos. They're not particularly graphic, mostly naked muscular women, but I can't understand why he has them in his photos. He's not secretive with his phone and both his son and I use it sometimes, which makes it seem worse! He also has quite a few 'friends' on Facebook who are female body builders/muscly. I'm not worried that he's chatting to them, but it does make me feel a bit weird that he needs to look at them. He's an incredible partner and Dad and I feel completely loved, respected and desired by him in every other way so I don't want to make a big issue out of it. But it just feels wrong. Should I say something?

There's a child protection issue if he's risking his child seeing these images by sharing his phone with him. Does that not concern you?

How about some raunchy pics of blokes on your phone? You could ask him what he thinks of their six packs and open up a conversation.

Why not put some pictures up in the bathroom for ease of wanking as and when the poor boy feels the need, never mind the rest of the family, his cock is what matters most here.

In view of the comment that men who masturbate over images of women are showing sheer lack of respect for women, I have a genuine question. What (in general, no specifics obviously) do women think about when they masturbate?

Why not put some pictures up in the bathroom for ease of wanking as and when the poor boy feels the need, Strange advice given that the OP is worried about BF's son seeing the photo's on his phone.

Why not leave the chap alone, he is doing OK, give him some privacy. Most people who "borrow" someone's phone, do not browse through their photo's uninvited. OP if you are concerned, then mention to your BF to hide the photo's in case his son opens up his phone.

I am going to re-state my question above for fear of flaming - So my question is - do men not feature in your thoughts when you masturbate?

There is a difference between thinking about someone when you masturbate and taking screenshots of their pictures without their permission to use for that purpose.

If you can't see that then I worry for you, I really do.

Perhaps he's anti page 3 because he finds it too softcore.

What permission do you need (either legally or morally)?

I guess it may be a generation issue, but once you put an image on social media, you are signing away your privacy rights (in effect). It is then available for the global population to look at/store etc. That may not be particularly palatable, but it is the way it is today.

I don't know if it is technology acceptance or a generation thing, but what is the difference between imagining something or looking at something (privately) on a screen? The screen is just a technological visiual aid. All is done in the privacy of ones own location. The imagined/viewed person is non the wiser. Its no difference than looking at a page3 girl. Its just using a different medium in a modern context.

From what I can gather the pictures aren't explicit (woman in bikini). It seems no more risqué than the cover of mens health.

Storm in a teacup. This isn't porn. He clearly finds a certain body type attractive and enjoys looking at it.

There isn't a difference morbius really if you don't believe that it's not ok to use someone else as a wank aid. No-one can stop you either taking pictures from online or imagining a person you have seen/know and none of it is illegal. However I'm sure you could see that someone could validly feel that being wanked over in any form by someone who has no consent from you to do that might be offensive to that person. It's ok to feel that people who are behaving that way should think about that possibility and consider it when they do that. You can't stop a friend wanking over your sister, mother or wife for example but you don't have to feel ok about them doing it just because they can and neither do they.

(The women I mentioned I mean)

People don't always feel bad about that stuff either but it isn't unreasonable if they do feel bad about it.

Offended, no. Uncomfortable very much a yes

And I agree, pictures taken from online of women he finds attractive are not the same as page 3. It would be a little inconsistent to object to page 3 because you felt wanking over people without their consent was objectionable and then take photos from online that were not meant for that purpose and wank over them but that is not likely to be the reason he disagrees with page 3.

I personally think taking other people's pictures from one context and using them as though they are porn is disrespectful to the women involved. He may not feel that or he may but feels it is a small 'crime' in comparison, he may not have thought about it.

I still think you need to work out what bothers you about it if you are going to discuss it with him.

It's not even necessarily hypocritical to object to page 3 but use porn. It would be consistent if you felt 'there is a time and a place' etc. it's not why I object to page 3 and I don't agree with that assessment of page 3 but it is not hypocritical to feel that way.

Offred, However I'm sure you could see that someone could validly feel that being wanked over in any form by someone who has no consent from you to do that might be offensive to that person

I quite agree, but I have posted on this previously, I believe men use avatars for personal pleasure. Not the person themselves, but rather a mentally generated avatar. One woman poster referred to this as sexual cartoons (her partners description). So although they may have a visual aid, this is purely to spark the avatar. So they are not really using your persona.

Obviously this is not directed at you Offred, but I ask again. Do women not think of men during masturbation.

That is one my many personal objections. You don't need to explain that that is the way some people feel about these issues.

I am a person. I expect to be treated as such. I object to being reduced to an object to aid someone's wank fantasy.

I can only add my own experience but no, I don't think of other people when I wank. I usually think about myself

If a current partner was thinking about me, as a person or sex we have, when they wank it wouldn't offend me. I just object to being reduced and feel wary of people who find reducing people to 'avatars' sexually appealing/stimulating.

In a relationship I find people who do not reject objectification of women for sexual pleasure make selfish lovers and selfish partners generally. Other issues I have with it aside.

But it is not you. plus I am sure if we knew what was going on in other people's minds we would all be shocked to some degree.

To follow your logic single people would have a problem and yet I assume single people are the most likely to practice self stimulation.

"However I'm sure you could see that someone could validly feel that being wanked over in any form by someone who has no consent from you to do that might be offensive to that person"

I suspect most would rather not know whether someone thinks of them during the during, and in actual fact would be more offended if their consent was actually sought. Imagine the sexual harassment claims in every school and workplace if people started asking permission for such things. Don't Ask Don't Tell is probably the best policy about people's private sexual thoughts.

Only if you have tied your sexuality to objectification so tightly that sexuality cannot exist for you without objectification.

Simply not true that objectification is inherently part of human (or male human) sexuality or sexual experience.

I don't think consent should be sought. I think objectification is unnecessary.

There are three options in circumstances where your behaviour would cause someone offence; don't do it, do it but don't let them find out, or ask permission.