Why does this always end up as an argument? Please help

[Sleepyhoglet]

Yes, it's that age old problem- housework. We've just had another argument about it and DH has said that most people would think I don't do enough. Am I impressed?! Pretty peeved off.

I'm on maternity leave while he works 4.5 days a week. Due to the problems I suggested a few months back that we set ourself a manageable target of bathrooms being cleaned once a week (by me- floors, loos etc) and that the house is hoovered once a week (by him) and that hear jobs can be done anytime.

He says that given I'm on mat leave he shouldn't be expected to do 50% of the housework.

Given that I've stepped up since having the baby (do more washing and cooking) I think this is a bit rich. I make all the baby's food and meal plan and make most of our food.

He's too lazy to iron any of his clothes despite having to wear a shirt to work (has non iron ones) and this argument kicked off because I asked him to move his shirts from the ironing basket.

Am in in the wrong to think he's being a twat?

He's just come upstairs. I just want him to go away.

He's just apologise. Not sure what the point is. He always gets grumpy and then apologises. Not the point. I need him to actually not get grumpy when I ask for help. I've had enough

OK, I am pretty lazy as i said, but I do manage to mostly shower and always change pants; a few bits may remain unshaved I admit.

In all honesty you sound a bit depressed, sleepyhoglet, did the midwife give you one of those PND questionnaires to do? (I may have lied a teensy bit on mine, running on mostly caffeine and twitchy with sleep deprivation - also the baby was Dh's idea and I was a bit shell-shocked)

Sometimes on here, women post with symptoms of PND, but the more they post, the more it seems that their problem is a partner who is sucking their strength away rather than supporting them... er....?

Boulevard- I shower and change my pants! It's my dh who doesn't

I don't know about the pnd questionnaire but I was fine just after the baby was born. Only started struggling when she was about 3 months.

Going to bed now

Sounds like you're exhausted by having to look after two children essentially. It doesn't matter if he might do some tasks when asked as it's the constant feeling of being responsible for him as well as yourself that wears you down?

No, I was talking about yr DH! It does seem a weird thing for a grown-up to do, do you know how he gets on at work?

Sleepy I think I felt the same when I had ds1. The resentment you feel is what's getting to you, your life has changed beyond recognition and he's just the same. You probably expected he'd step up when the baby came?
I can't tell you my exh changed - he just got more selfish. If he doesn't get what he's supposed to do, maybe he never will. When you do go back to work ft this isn't going to change, you're going to end up doing it all as well as being tired from work
I wished I'd gone to get AD's though, I think it would have helped me enjoy those early years with ds1 more, rather than it being an endurance test

It isn't that I'm doing a lot, I'm not really. It's just that he isn't prepare to do a little at the weekend. I ask him to help and it turns into him having a go at how other mums do way more than me.

Sleepy, this may seem an odd question but was he always like this re showering and changing undies? I'm thinking if he wasn't always like this, then why it changed...?

Also on work, you say you are back at work part time. That's not being on maternity leave!

You're asking your H for help, as you feel as if things are too much and he's telling you what other women do? What has that got to do with anything?

If he cares about you and his baby he will do his fair share because you've asked him to.

When I was struggling a couple of years ago, dh was working full time, doing most of the housework, food shopping and cooking. That's what you do for someone you care about!

Tell him you are fed up with all the arguing and he needs to do his fair share!