Feel like I've been hit by a bus

[rubyroux]

So yesterday I got the 'we need to talk text'. I was out until half 8, texted him to come round. He said he'd fallen asleep and could he come tomorrow. No, I needed to talk to him so he came at about 9. Basically said he hadn't been feeling this was working and couldn't be 'arsed' with me anymore. I was doing that horrible silent crying and couldn't speak. After about an hour he said this was 'harder than he'd thought' (because apparently dumping your gf of 18 months is going to be easy) and that maybe we should reconsider. So I get another chance! But I'm not allowed to 'try too hard' it has to come naturally . He's off on a stag do this weekend (to somewhere that rhymes with shag-a-scruff) and I asked if he was planning on doing something when out there. He said no but that I'd be 'able to tell if he had when he got back'. So I have to analyse his behaviour when he comes back to see if he's cheated on me?

I feel sick, like I've been punched in the stomach. I don't want to break up, that's the last thing I want but I don't want all this shit either. I feel awful, couldn't sleep last night. Got up early and came to work and I've got about 15 mins before people start arriving. I look shit, my eyes are all red and I can't speak without crying. Does anyone have a grip to quickly give me?

Bloody hell get a grip & some self respect.

You don't want to break up with someone who at a push would give you "another chance" and has all but said he probably will cheat when he's away.

Seriously, get some self respect.

He is wanker - you know that. R

Right now you can't imagine a pain worse that not being with him, But let me tell you that the pain of being with him knowing he has zero respect for you and has cheated 'again' (because that is what WILL happen if you tolerate this) will be so much worse.

And then it will stop hurting because you will become desensitised, and eventually you will feel nothing. Then you will wake up one day - a few years down the line - and realise that you can't remember the last time you genuinely felt happy, or felt anything at all.

Your only chance here is to call him on it. Tell him that you have too much self respect for this nonsense and that frankly as he clearly can't trust himself, you have no reason to trust him either and that you aren't interested.

He will not be swaggering round Magaluf with quite the spring in his step as he would be if you had given him the green light as you have done right now.

And whatever happens he will have far more respect for you. And with no respect, there is no chance.

For you

Thank you again everyone, those messages made me well up . Apart from JellyBean's but that's what I needed. It sounds fucked but I don't want to turn nasty on him, then he'll get what he wants. He kept saying last night he wished I was more horrible to make it 'easier'

Also the lyrics to that song are highly appropriate Yellow

Oh God Ruby, get out and get out now and especially before your house is finalised, you don't want things getting any more difficult if he decides to move in

Don't be nasty then?
Just tell him you found the self respect you clearly lost when you started going out with him.

surely your pride is some kind of factor here?? Are you not embarrassed to be the way you are with him?! He has all the control & must feel like gods gift to women if he's got you acting like a desperate puppy.

Get shot of him & be a self-respecting, proud & strong woman.

Raging, I feel sick, empty, bereft yes but not embarassed. Should I be? Maybe I will in the future when I look back on this but I don't feel especially embarassed that someone I LOVE told me last night they were reconsidering. He cried and said he might be making a mistake, I don't know what to think. If he'd been cold and awful about it all I would have been angry but he wasn't so I'm unable to

I wish somebody had said stuff like jelly said when I was making a fool of myself over a bloke. I cringe at my patheticness when I look back, and how people must have wondered what the hell I was playing at

no man is worth losing your self respect over. .. no man

he should be embarrassed over his snivelling cruelty, but you do have control over how you react to it

No.

No welling up. It's not allowed.

A man who makes you cry isn't worth your tears x

Oh dear oh dear, your heart must be breaking.

Listen to what he told you first of all before you started crying. He can't be arsed with you, do you really think you deserve that? To be with someone who dopesn;t give a fuck about you?

If I were you I would text him and tell him you have decided that you don't want to be with him. Turn your phone off and cry it out.

When he comes back from holiday tired and hungover he will be aching for you and will realise what a wanker he has been.

Ditch the prick and find a MAN that knows how to treat a woman.

He's foul. You don't need a grip, you just need him out of your life, so actually he's doing you a favour.

It will all come out OK. I know that sounds trite and I'm sorry I don't have any better 'big talk', as Adrian Mole would have it, but it's true.

Come back on the thread any time; everyone's here to listen.

OP in the nicest possible way, he's telling you he doesn't want to be with you anymore. Please start envisaging your future without him, it'll make you feel emotionally stronger if you can see how things could be. Plus start listing all the things u don't like about him!

He doesn't want to be in a committed relationship with you. One where, you know, there's mutual respect.

Either

1. he's like most of us and doesn't really like hurting people so he's done a really crap job of saying that he wants to split up and/or

2. he wants to keep you dangling on a string so he can come back to you in between trying to find someone new and going on stag weekends.

Don't be that person. It's over. Cry, cry to your friends - but delete him from your phone and move on.

Years ago I had my very own Mr Can't-Be-Arsed (though even he didn't have the brass neck to say those words!).

The good news is that life after a Mr CBA is amazing. Or rather - it can be, as long as you make absolutely sure you never let anyone treat you like that again.

Once you've dumped the chump and gone through the inevitable period of sadness which comes with an unhappy break-up, the world will be your oyster. If you learn the lessons from this experience, you can look forward to wonderful times ahead - whether as a confident, happy singleton or in a relationship with a real man who values you, respects you, wants to plan life's adventures with YOU instead of going off on drunken orgies with the lads.

It's so hard while you're going through this stage though, so for you.

Thank you again for the extra replies. He's just texted me using the nickname only he calls me. Going to get a crap mag from the shop and read it in the car at lunch, need to get out this office

Urgh - so now he's trying to fuck with your head

Ignore, ignore, ignore x

Fuck him.

Enjoy your mag. Come and tell us which one you get and who's in it.

Thanks Ohfour, I feel sick xxx

He really knows what he's doing, doesn't he? Doing this when you're at your lowest ebb. What an absolute slimeball he is. Can you block him or do you not want to at the moment? You owe him absolutely nothing.

Thanks Only, I'm going to get something with the Kardashian's in it, hopefully the obscenity that is Kim's arse will give me a giggle

Oh she's on fine form today, squeezed into a black dress, poor cow. Also Scott and Kourt are caput.
Nothing like a bit of K escapism to ward off a crap day, I find. I def love to hate them anyway

yep, go check in with the Kardashians

they are more real

Oh sweetheart

You need to get something to eat and something to drink. You probably won't feel like it but you must keep your energy up. It might help to get rid of the sick feeling. You could try some mints or something sweet that you can suck on (boiled sweets etc)

Plenty of water.

And when you get home tonight, healthy dinner and as much sleep as you can possibly manage.