Am I wrong to be really upset? tmi!

[mrsvindiesel]

I can't sleep and fighting back tears
my partner is snoring beside me, today for once he was feeling horny it seems as was sending me messages at work about what we should do later
it was nice for once as he never does this! but in reality it was awful
his ideas sounded great, bit porn-y but he is a bloke and I got caught up in the thrill of it I guess
when we actually got to bed it was all about him, god I'm sorry if this is far tmi but I have to be frank unless it doesnt make sense!
he wanted to kneel infront of me and me give him head so he was in control apparently, I let him but he was getting too into it I guess and kept choking me making me heave and like I couldnt breathe I felt panicked and wasnt enjoying it at all
In the end I grabbed him and pushed him off and turned over quietly crying to myself.
he did keep asking if I was upset and I said no I'm fine but it was obvious I wasn't as he said I was making him feel guilty and to stop it.
I dont know what to think or say now, maybe what ive put on here doesnt paint the picture to the full and sounds petty but it was awful
I lay and silently cried till he went to sleep, ive never had a sexual experience especially with someone thats meant to love me like that
please someone say I'm not overreacting I dont even want to look at him at the moment I feel so hurt

The horrendous imbalance in your relationship with each other is not just about sex OP.

This isn't right for you. Don't go through with the house purchase. Don't make life harder for yourself. Don't be made to feel like this man is making you feel.

Back away from him, take some time to reevaluate what a loving partner should be and get some breathing space before you embark on any kind of commitment at all with anyone.

Me too innocent. And I have never spoken of it again to certain people because their words shattered me.
Also nearly 20 years ago. 14 March 1997.

hi im back my friends just left....
thank you for all the responses although wonkinas did make me cry I apreciate the apology after
I told my friend what happened she was shocked and telling it all made me realise how out of control and frightened I felt
I'm not sure how I feel now....numv I guess. I havent spoken to him and dont want to although he did send me a nessage earlier asking if my mate was here and saying call me when shes gone
I might be doing everyones heads in on here tonight as I cant see me sleeping much good job I have a day off tomorrow!
thank you for all the kind replies I didnt imagine 2 min or so out of last night could have turned my world upside down so much and I'm struggling with that
my friend was asking if he had rang to check I was ok ( re being upset last night ) but I dont think he would as is his head it was just an overreaction from me, he didnt intend to hurt me and I was game for it during the day so whats the problem!

Hope you are okay OP (trite, sorry)

Just wanted to post a link to We Believe you
Kindest
MNHQ

You're not doing anyone's head in. We all want you to be OK.

If you don't want to talk to him, don't. Probably best. So glad you told your friend.

Spill your thoughts here, or at your friend. We understand and you're safe to do so.

Much love

I know it is difficult to leave a relationship that you have invested so much into but take advice from a very old woman, he has shown you who he is and what he thinks of you, carefully extricate yourself from this relationship.

If the sex is not beneficially mutual at this point in your relationship it will NOT get any better and you will end up feeling worthless and a whole heap of other things.

it may feel like it is a difficult thing to do at the moment but you will save yourself a whole heap of heartache if you split now. I don't think that this inequality in your relationship can ever be fixed and I don't think he particularly cares for you sufficiently to even make the effort.

Take care.

It is great that you were able to confide in a real life friend. Keep talking.

thank you ... my head is a whole jumble of thoughts I dont even know if I'm making sense anymore
yes I told my friend he made me feel guilty for crying , that guilt was already there I obviously wasnt trying to make him feel bad else I would have been up shouting screaming and making a big song n dance about it NOT crying quietly hoping he didnt notice saying I was fine when he asked
she wasnt shocked he did this which shocked me she knows alot about how selfish he is and how sex is all about him example in 3 years I have never had any foreplay back. he just shoves it in seemingly clueless/too selfish to care that women need a bit of winding up too else it hurts
he probably thought I was loving it as I apparently pester him for sex but its not the sex I crave its the intimacy from him as I get none
I sound so pathetic
she did go on about how her partner never even tries anything for his pleasure until she is satisfied which I know was well meaning but just made me feel like a piece of meat
I may as well have been a blow up doll

Really sorry that you feel like that. But you are not one, it's that he is treating you like that.

This is where you stand up for yourself and pick up your self esteem from the floor. You deserve someone who treats you well and loves you.

In order that no-one is labouring under any misapprehension about what the OP was subjected to last night, rape is restricted to penile penetration of the mouth, vagina (including the vulva) or anus and remains one of the few crimes that only a male can commit.

Under Section 1 of the Sexual Offences Act 2003 rape is an indictable offence which can only be dealt with in the Crown Court and upon conviction the maximum sentence is life imprisonment.

It would appear that the OP initially consented to her partner's request that she perform fellatio or oral sex on him, but when his penis caused her to choke and heave and feel she couldn't breathe she wasn't able to withdraw her consent verbally and he continued to force himself on her until she was able to attract his attention by pinching him which lead to her being able to push him off her.

In other words, the OP was raped by her partner and there should be no doubt whatsoever as to the veracity of her story

Glad you shared with someone irl. It's not going to be easy, in many ways, but you can extricate yourself from this foul mess and the more support you have, the easier that will be to do.

Your friend was just trying to remind you what a healthy relationship should look like. Even though the reminder did make you feel all the more sad, use it to keep you angry with him for being a selfish twatwaffle and depriving you of any such thing.

he keeps ringing...its very unlike me to not have called.
I dont want to answer I dont know what to say I cant even bear to hear his arrogant "wtf is up with u now" voice to me
I'm not turning my phone off tho chatting on here is the only thing keeping me sane tonight

That is typical.

First he ignores you, as punishment, then he chases you up because he is sensing something is wrong.

If you don't feel like dumping him right now and need space, you can tell him to give it to you.
But, for your own sake, please don't get back.

I'm so sorry for you mrsvindiesel. He was so cruel. You must be reeling. You so did the right thing in writing down what he did so soon after. That way, if or when the self doubt or disbelief hits you, you can read it again and remind yourself that yes, he really did do that horrible thing.

Additionally, this thread can be possibly used as proof of 'early disclosure', in case you did decide to report him.

I would just text him to say 'Fuck off and never contact me again. I mean it'

Then block him on your phone.

Never speak to him ever again and never look back at him once as you leave him behind.

I'm so glad you had someone in real life to speak to.
If you don't want to deal with ending things now then you don't have to. It's more than ok to ignore him.
I hope you can get some sleep tonight

I'm so sorry this happened, mrsvindiesel.

It reminds me of my first sexual experience, when I was an innocent 15 year old. I couldn't give oral sex for about 30 years after.

Please ring Women's Aid, talk it through with them, or Rape Crisis. Both are excellent sources of help and support. You are lucky in that you don't live together, as this sort of behaviour will continue, and you will become a shadow of yourself.

I bet there are a lot of things he does in normal day to day interactions with you. Does he stand over you, or push pastyou, or stand in the way so you can't get past him?

This would be a good text to send him

"Our relationship is over. Leave me alone."

thanks I needed to tell somebody at the time and it was the silent way of doing it but I'm so glad I did as most of the advice on here has been so kind Im not sure how id be holding up tonight without it
theres some things my friend mentioned that I told her ages ago and forgot about that have made me feel so stupid for not reading warning signs....I dont want to say on here but if anyone wants to pm me ill explain further
obviously ill still keep talking on here though
apologies in advance for how much I will probably ramble tonight/ the next few days