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Original poster

Friend's DH Dry Humping a 'friend'

154 replies

AgainstTheWind · 13/06/2015 10:10

A good friend of mine needs advice and she's aware I am posting on here.

She has just found out her DH has been 'dry humping' a friend of his during which they fantasise about fucking each other. It's happened about a dozen times according to the DH.

He slipped up he had been round this friend's house when he had previously said he was working and my friend was suspicious. She asked about it and her DH admitted he fancied the friend and my friend demanded to see his phone which he eventually reluctanctly showed her.

She said it's clear from the texts they haven't had actual sex. He met this friend the other day and texted her afterwards saying he would love to fuck her for real but he can't.

I've told my friend he has still cheated on her but she's not sure if it warrants splitting up over. They've got kids in their late teens who still live at home.

I've said it is her decision and how she feels about it but she thinks it would be helpful to know how serious people consider it. He denys it's an emotional affair and has done the normal minimalising crap.

OP posts:
Original poster
AgainstTheWind · 15/06/2015 18:48

The comment it might not be his first OW was quite thought provoking. My friend and I discussed this and I said I was initially shocked he was having an affair. But on reflection there were possibly 1 or 2 pointers. I have noticed he's looked me up and down a few times although he's never behaved inappropriately. He also remarked a few years ago, outside of my friend's earshot and I think he thought out of mine that his friend's girlfriend had great tits. So his views of women could be a bit appearance based. I suppose I'm looking at it with hindsight but probable red flags.

Can my friend legally kick him out as the house, owned, is in both of their names?

OP posts:
Lweji · 15/06/2015 21:00

She can't kick him out, but if she is intent on dumping him, she could give him the choice of her leaving or him. He may choose to leave if the alternative is for him to do child care and housework alone, or be seen as the bastard who is living at home while his ex-wife and children are crammed elsewhere.

BathtimeFunkster · 15/06/2015 21:15

Or she could ask him to leave temporarily as a condition of her even considering continuing with the marriage, and then just never sacred to him moving back in.

Original poster
AgainstTheWind · 18/06/2015 08:34

My friend has asked him to leave. She gave him an ultimatum of tell her the truth or it's over.

He said the 'still claiming not really an affair' started nearer to a year and 6 months ago rather than 6 months.

He's been naked numerous times with this woman. He claimed she normally wanked him off and she did give him a blow job. But it was only the once

Understandably my friend thinks he's still lying and she said the trust has gone and doesn't think she'll get it back. She thinks it's over.

OP posts:
EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 18/06/2015 09:13

Well of course he's lying. 18 months of naked time and only one blowjob? Is he still saying no kissing?

popalot · 18/06/2015 09:25

ugh, she can't believe a word he says from now on in. She's better off not asking for any more details as he's said enough and is likely to give her more bs anyhow. It sounds a little bit like he's trying to wind her up too, starting with the dry humping thing then going into more graphic detail. It must be heartbreaking for her.

FeijoaSundae · 18/06/2015 09:38

He really does think she came down the river on her grandma's piano, doesn't he.

So it's gone from a spot of dry humping and boob kissing ... to nudity, wanking and blowjobs.

Come on....!

What difference does a penis actually in a vagina make, when he's been on the receiving end of a blow job?

She has done the right thing, by the way. You can't come back from a blow job.

Spydra · 18/06/2015 10:06

It's over - she has to follow through otherwise he'll think this behavior is acceptable to her. It's not - it can't be.

HenriettaTurkey · 18/06/2015 10:19

Am I the first person to mention the GUM clinic?

Not pleasant, I know, but OP's friend needs to get checked out. Because her oh has clearly had sex with someone else.

FujimotosElixir · 18/06/2015 11:10

read whole thread your poor friend im glad shes asked him to leabe he must think shes stupid to tell such ridiculous lies.

BreadmakerFan · 18/06/2015 13:22

Your poor friend. I hope she sticks to her position and divorces the cheating, lying, insulting twat.

Original poster
AgainstTheWind · 19/06/2015 08:49

He admits kissing her but says he hasn't snogged her.

I don't think he's trying to wind her up. It sounds like he hoped he'd get away with a load of bullshit when my friend found he'd been lying about his whereabouts and saw texts from the other day. She clearly knew he was coming out with crap and he's had to admit to a bit more . She knows he's still lying which is partly why she's had enough as she can't trust him at all.

Shit didn't think about the GUM clinic, thanks. She's not in a good way right now I will mention it to her when she's a little more up to it.

OP posts:
Joysmum · 19/06/2015 09:52

So he's been baked with her, kissed her, got a hand job and a blow job and it's been going on over a year.

How is this not a relationship?

As much as this isn't PIV sex it's enough to call it a day. His actions betray their marriage and make her unhappy.

Clutterbugsmum · 19/06/2015 11:00

Has your friend should speak to 'the friend' and see whether her version of events match what he is saying. It's the only way she is going to get anywhere near the truth.

magoria · 19/06/2015 11:47

Classic minimising and only releasing as little information as he feels he can get away with at its best.

No kissing but she had her mouth wrapped around his cock!

Oh that is all OK then isn't it Hmm

There will be more. Cheaters rarely admit everything straight up unless they are walking out the door with their bags packed to go to OW.

Yes your friend needs a complete STI checkup Sad

She deserves better.

Original poster
AgainstTheWind · 21/06/2015 10:36

Yes definitely a relationship/affair in most people eyes. He told my friend they were just friends the rest of the time apart from the times when they arranged to secretly meet. He says he wasn't in contact with OW all the time and buying her gifts or anything.

My friend told him if it wasn't an affair he wouldn't have had to end it with her and he admitted it was ongoing and there would have been a next time so he hasn't got a leg to stand on.

She read the GUM clinic suggestion on here but he's told her she doesn't need to go as he didn't do anything risky.

She's obviously not in a good way and other than being there for her I don't know how else to help her. I don't have much personal experience of this sort of thing. Any suggestions would be welcome.

OP posts:
bjrce · 21/06/2015 11:05

FFS I find it incredible that after all you've disclosed here re his actions and the length of time involved and your friend is still pondering on what she should do, its obvious she's going to do nothing about it, she doesn't believe him and yet she is still speaking to him about it. She knows what he did is completely unacceptable but she wants it to go away and continue living with him, because right now that's the easier thing to do.Things will never be the same again for her, this is what she needs to face up to.
Her H is a disgusting liar and will say anything at this stage to get out of it.
The longer they talk about it the less likely she is actually going to do anything about it and it will then just fade into their lives. He will have no consequences and it will be seen as acceptable by him. She is kidding herself.

rumred · 21/06/2015 12:42

There's a few threads on here that might help your friend get her thoughts in order. And counselling would give her some strength and support too. You're being a good friend and that's priceless. Letting her talk and giving her a bit of direction is ideal.

Janette123 · 21/06/2015 20:10

It's cheating, full stop.

How your friend deals with it is up to her, but personally I'd show him the door.

oabiti · 21/06/2015 22:49

mademan Grin

oabiti · 22/06/2015 01:58

gymbum GrinGrin

Original poster
AgainstTheWind · 04/07/2015 11:16

My friend has told him she wants a divorce. She's packed most of his stuff up and he's found somewhere else to live. He's been a total bastard and she doesn't even want to look at him let alone talk to him.

How the fuck can they do something like this, my friend is so nice. She's totally devastated. She just wanted me to say thanks for the advice, it did help clarify her mind.

OP posts:
Eminado · 04/07/2015 11:42

Sorry she is upset but i think she has made the right call. The man's lies (amount and content) were just unacceptable.

FolkGirl · 04/07/2015 13:03

Pleased to read your update.

However, the std check is still a good idea. After all, she only has the word of a proven liar that he didn't do anything 'risky'.

Midorichan · 04/07/2015 13:25

If he's still lying about it now, she has to give up hope of ever finding out the truth. Even if he did try to tell her everything, she will never, ever know for 100% sure of what happened with the OW. He is not sorry for what he did, because he is minimising - he sounds like a little boy who got caught out and is telling lies/making excuses to try and not have the whole truth found out because he knows full well otherwise he'll be in even more trouble than he already is. He wasn't thinking of your friend when he was with the OW - he's not thinking of her now. He wants his cake (the OW), and the comfort of marriage (ie not having to go through the rigmarole of a divorce), whilst getting his disgusting little kicks at the same time.

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