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Original poster

Friend's DH Dry Humping a 'friend'

154 replies

AgainstTheWind · 13/06/2015 10:10

A good friend of mine needs advice and she's aware I am posting on here.

She has just found out her DH has been 'dry humping' a friend of his during which they fantasise about fucking each other. It's happened about a dozen times according to the DH.

He slipped up he had been round this friend's house when he had previously said he was working and my friend was suspicious. She asked about it and her DH admitted he fancied the friend and my friend demanded to see his phone which he eventually reluctanctly showed her.

She said it's clear from the texts they haven't had actual sex. He met this friend the other day and texted her afterwards saying he would love to fuck her for real but he can't.

I've told my friend he has still cheated on her but she's not sure if it warrants splitting up over. They've got kids in their late teens who still live at home.

I've said it is her decision and how she feels about it but she thinks it would be helpful to know how serious people consider it. He denys it's an emotional affair and has done the normal minimalising crap.

OP posts:
Original poster
AgainstTheWind · 14/06/2015 11:00

Thanks for all the responses. I think my friend wanted validation it was enough to leave over as he was trying to persuade her it wasn't. I don't think she was hoping to cling on to any possible posts saying she should give him another chance.

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WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 · 14/06/2015 11:04

She should say to him ok then don't do it again, however I am owed one now and has always fancied me and so I'm going to be spending the next 6 months "dry humping" him whenever the opportunity arises

And see if he agrees to that.

Obviously an affair, obviously unfaithful, his attempts at minimisation and wriggling out of it just show that he's a pathetic little weasel who can't even hold his hands up when he gets caught.

Why don't men realise that if they were honest when they got caught and didn't lie and wriggle it would look better for them? All this pathetic stuff when you know they're lying to your face, it's doesn't endear them at all (ontop of whatever they're lying about in the first place). I just think, you weak, pathetic little scrote.

Original poster
AgainstTheWind · 14/06/2015 11:11

Yes I'm hoping when it's sunk in a bit she will kick his sorry arse out the door.

I think he's lying and minimising a lot to try and save his skin.

My friend vaguely knows the OW and there's no partner built like a brick shithouse! I find what he has admitted to rather strange as does my friend which is why she's quite confused I think.

Totally agree however much of the sexual side he is minimising he can't minimise the deceit, lies and betrayal.

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Original poster
AgainstTheWind · 14/06/2015 11:19

He has apologised and is saying all the right things apparently. She says he seems very sorry and won't do it again and it shouldn't have happened. He's rung this 'friend' in front of my friend and told her it's over.

But he's been working on my friend and saying all the 'we can't split up over this' bollocks he's coming out with and I think it's where her doubt has come in.

OP posts:
Lweji · 14/06/2015 11:22

There is no right thing that can possibly be said after such betrayal, IMO.

If she considers having him back, he should earn her trust the hard way, for how long it takes.
Even so, I'd think it would be irretrievably damaged.

Bogeyface · 14/06/2015 11:28

When will some women realise that you dont need to justify your reasons for ending a relationship?!

She could end it with him because his feet smell if she so chose, you dont have to stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy with a person you dont want to be with just because they say that your reason for splitting isnt good enough!

Yes they can split up over this, they can split up over anything and she needs to remember that this is her choice to make, his opinion no longer counts for anything.

MadeMan · 14/06/2015 11:32

Grin @ that dry humping bad teacher clip.

Just have proper sex, at least then you save your dignity rather than humpin' around.

Lweji · 14/06/2015 11:34

Yes, the title made me think of dogs.

MadeMan · 14/06/2015 11:38

I hope he doesn't do the 'walk of life' on the carpet though when he has an itchy arse.

CranstontheCorgi · 14/06/2015 11:43

But he's been working on my friend and saying all the 'we can't split up over this'

so he doesn't think this is a shitty thing to do to his DP. he thinks it's trivial.

RubbishMantra · 14/06/2015 13:02

It's cheating, how could it be anything else? And the fact it went on for 6 months. How did the boundaries of their so-called friendship get so blurred? How can he justify going round there again, after the first time boundaries were crossed? He's proved he can lie convincingly (the day he was supposedly working, but spent groping and dry humping his "friend").

How come he gets to decide it doesn't warrant splitting up over? If he had an ounce of decency, he'd stop snowing her with his manipulative bullshit and at least move out for a bit, so she can get her head straight enough to think clearly, and make the best decision for her. But he won't do that, because all he's concerned about is what's best for him.

Have you shown your friend this thread?

twistletonsmythe · 14/06/2015 13:50

so if she was doing this with some bloke for 6 months then he wouldn't dump her?

BreadmakerFan · 14/06/2015 13:59

If he's done nothing wrong, why is it "over"?

enviro300 · 14/06/2015 14:13

The stain on the jeans in the clip is grossShock

AlfAlf · 14/06/2015 14:45

Yuck.

Please an you tell your friend: he doesn't get to decide what the consequences should be for him cheating. Only she does. Whatever he may think, the ball is in her court. He's treated her with such disrespect for 6 fucking months and is now treating her with yet more disrespect by suggesting she's overreacting before she's even had a chance to react.

LIZS · 14/06/2015 14:47

It won't have been 6 months nor has it stopped at groping and humping. He should be grovelling and hoping for forgiveness, not minimising and excusing.

beleagured64 · 14/06/2015 22:26

About a dozen times!!! Totally unacceptable even once.

Original poster
AgainstTheWind · 15/06/2015 08:37

I'm not being complicit in my friend deluding herself. It was my suggestion to my friend to post on her behalf to try and help her realise he's coming out with a load of bullshit and to get her to understand that it is bad enough for her to leave even if what he is telling her is the truth and it didn't go any further.

He has shown her no respect whatsoever with his antics regardless of whether he fucked this woman or not. I agree the can't changes nothing.

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Original poster
AgainstTheWind · 15/06/2015 08:55

My friend has read the thread and I think it has been helpful to her, thanks.

I think he is lying too. He's not a teenager and two sexually experienced adults wouldn't have repeatedly 'dry humped' perhaps once but not multiple times.

I have suggested she boots him out even if it is just temporary. At least that way he might realise he could lose her over this and hopefully it would be less likely he would do it again.

He's not at all saying it's ok behaviour but trying to convince my friend their marriage is too good to throw away over it and minimising like fuck

Obviously trusting him again would be a big issue. It's certainly an affair to my mind and I think my friend is starting to accept it is despite his denials. She did say to him if it's not an affair why did he need to end it with this other woman.

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Bogeyface · 15/06/2015 09:12

He's not at all saying it's ok behaviour but trying to convince my friend their marriage is too good to throw away over it

He knew that if she found out there was a good chance she would leave him/chuck him out, and he did it anyway. If anyone is throwing away their marriage it is him, not her.

And as I said above, its not up to him to decide what is ok and whats not, he no longer has any say whatsoever in the future of their marriage. He lost that right the second he cheated on her.

Bogeyface · 15/06/2015 09:13

Oh and a marriage made up of 50% cheating bastard is not a marriage that is "too good" to lose. More likely it is a marriage too damaged to continue.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 15/06/2015 09:16

Before he cheated the marriage might have been good but he has permanently changed the nature of the marriage now. I don't think she will realise how much for a while.

Skiptonlass · 15/06/2015 09:22

It's a bit of a Bill Clinton esque defence...

And definitely cheating. What a strange attitude he has - no fluid exchange and it's fine? Your poor friend. Absolutely do not let him turn this round on her.

See if she has or can get any written proof of adultery - useful in any future divorce.

Mermaidhair · 15/06/2015 09:34

I think your friends dh should be commended. He very easily could have slipped his penis into her but he didn't. Instead he dry humped her, she should be very encouraged by his self control. Also instead of kissing her on the lips, he kissed her breasts, again very good self control. What on earth is the world coming to if you can't dry hump some friends occasionally?Ignore everyone who is telling you it is unacceptable.

Original poster
AgainstTheWind · 15/06/2015 18:34

I'm not sure why he thought the 'not snogged her' claim was relevant. I suppose he is just minimising and saying things he claims he hasn't done with her.

He's certainly been in a sexual relationship with this woman and as it has been ongoing I think most people would call it an affair apart from him

I saw my friend briefly after work and she is seriously considering telling him to move out.

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