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Original poster

Friend's DH Dry Humping a 'friend'

154 replies

AgainstTheWind · 13/06/2015 10:10

A good friend of mine needs advice and she's aware I am posting on here.

She has just found out her DH has been 'dry humping' a friend of his during which they fantasise about fucking each other. It's happened about a dozen times according to the DH.

He slipped up he had been round this friend's house when he had previously said he was working and my friend was suspicious. She asked about it and her DH admitted he fancied the friend and my friend demanded to see his phone which he eventually reluctanctly showed her.

She said it's clear from the texts they haven't had actual sex. He met this friend the other day and texted her afterwards saying he would love to fuck her for real but he can't.

I've told my friend he has still cheated on her but she's not sure if it warrants splitting up over. They've got kids in their late teens who still live at home.

I've said it is her decision and how she feels about it but she thinks it would be helpful to know how serious people consider it. He denys it's an emotional affair and has done the normal minimalising crap.

OP posts:
KatieScarlettreregged · 13/06/2015 10:53

Oh the self justified delusion is strong in this twat.
Never mind the fact he is having an affair, I'd leave him for his stupidity. And for how stupid he must think I am to even listen to that nonsense.

ALaughAMinute · 13/06/2015 10:55

Dry humping?

How old is he? Grin

HellKitty · 13/06/2015 10:55

He didn't really fuck her? The only thing that stopped him was his trousers. Which I imagine are all skanky and sticky Confused

Original poster
AgainstTheWind · 13/06/2015 10:56

She is livid with him and has gone fucking ape shit at him but she hasn't thrown him out because he's so far managed to persuade her it doesn't warrant splitting up over.

OP posts:
retrocutie · 13/06/2015 10:56

That's what I thought ALaughAMinute Grin.

KatieScarlettreregged · 13/06/2015 10:57

I bet your mate gets to wash his crusty undies too. He's certainly a keeper! Hmm

fairyfuckwings · 13/06/2015 10:58

Bloody hell! I think that's actually worse than full on shagging her to be honest. As a poster up thread said it's something
a dog would do!

Original poster
AgainstTheWind · 13/06/2015 10:59

They are both in their 40s.

OP posts:
retrocutie · 13/06/2015 11:01

They are both in their 40s.

Jeez… Confused.

Seriously though, your poor friend. I would most definitely LTB. Not just for the behaviour but also his whole attitude towards it.

Original poster
AgainstTheWind · 13/06/2015 11:06

I know, I'm the same age as my friend and I don't recall any of my boyfriends talking about 'dry humping'

His attitude is very apologetic, so sorry yada yada but totally minimising it.

OP posts:
Cancookdontcook · 13/06/2015 11:09

I have never heard of anything so ridiculous.

In their 40s!!!

ALaughAMinute · 13/06/2015 11:17

They are both in their 40s.

Grin
Lovingfreedom · 13/06/2015 11:23

If your friend is not willing to LTB the least she can do is dry hump every man who visits the house...it's perfectly acceptable

laurierf · 13/06/2015 11:36

I feel extra sorry for your friend. First she catches him having a physical affair with a woman for "6 months", and then she can't even have an adult conversation with him about it.

What an absolute fuckwit. I'm not surprised she's finding it difficult to know how to respond - it's just so… unbelievable. Please help her realise that the only response is to kick him out immediately.

Original poster
AgainstTheWind · 13/06/2015 11:38

I've told her she can leave for any reason and she should at least throw him out even if it just ends up being temporary. He's clearly been working hard persuading her it's not enough to end a marriage over by saying it's not an affair, emotional or physical and it was more of a fumble than sex.

I think he's being a fucking twat and hoping when she sees this she will see it's more than enough to leave him over.

OP posts:
laurierf · 13/06/2015 11:44

A "fumble" implies a one-off drunken grope… this has been going on for at least 6 months… and it's grim. I'd be booting him out for sending her text messages saying he wanted to fuck her even if he hadn't been 'humping' her and groping her boobs.

PoppyBlossom · 13/06/2015 11:45

Does she love him?

Does she respect herself?

Original poster
AgainstTheWind · 13/06/2015 11:51

I think it's as close to sex as you can get and nothing like a fumble. I agree the text is a deal breaker in itself.

OP posts:
FolkGirl · 13/06/2015 11:53

Sexually explicit texts where they tell each other what they want to do to each other, fondling and kissing boobs, 'dry humping'... that's all oretty highly sexually charged stuff. There's a lot of fantasy and passion there. They fancy each other. If his hands and mouth have been on her, where does she think this woman's hands and mouth have been?

And no snogging? What's that all about? If they really fancy each other, they have snogged. And why is snogging worse than boob kissing?

Why is piv the cut off point? All of that is cheating. All of it. He is cheating on her and minimising it.

GymBum · 13/06/2015 11:55

WTAF... His in his 40s and his dry humping, fondling and kissing some woman's tits but has not snogged or fucked other woman? Hmm Utter BS, his a lier.

The fact he lied about where his been should tell her his lying about everything else. No way has he been dry humping and snogging tits but not snogging. It's BS

If she doesn't kick him out she may as well give him a free pass to go fuck that woman.

Original poster
AgainstTheWind · 13/06/2015 11:56

She loves him a lot and thought they were good together. She normally has a lot of respect for herself and I would have said she would have thrown him straight out as she doesn't normally tolerate shit.

Not sure if she's still in shock or he's doing quite a number on her.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 13/06/2015 11:59

Six months of it! I thought it was just one night.

Of course he says it's not worth divorcing over, just as someone being sacked says their actions aren't worthy of dismissal. It's defensive talk. It doesn't make him right, though.

FenellaFellorick · 13/06/2015 12:10

Your poor friend. What a bastard her husband is.

She very probably is in shock. Her whole world has likely crumbled. You don't tend to think very clearly when that happens and what is simple from the outside is far from simple when it's your life, when it's your husband. We all like to think we'd chuck his clothes out of the window and walk off into the sunset, to the sound of Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves but the reality is that it's not that simple when there is hurt, pain, confusion to deal with.

That said, sadly when it comes right down to it, she either wants to continue in a relationship with a man who is intimate with another woman or she doesn't. Really, it's up to her. What is she willing to accept as the price to pay for remaining in a relationship with this man? That's the question. She chooses to stay with him and the price is that he is/has been/will be intimate with another woman. That's the deal. She simply chooses.

I think the first thing she should do is be very honest with herself what he has done. Open her mind up to that and let it sink in. I think that's the hard part because it's human nature to not let your mind fully accept painful truths. He has touched, fondled and rubbed himself up against another woman on a regular basis. That's if she believes him that they haven't actually had intercourse.

He can grope another woman, he can rub up against her, he can exchange sexual messages, he can do everything short of putting his penis inside her? That's the line?

I really feel for her. I hope that whatever decision she makes, is the right one for her. There's no pain free option here. Whatever she does now is going to hurt.

Original poster
AgainstTheWind · 13/06/2015 12:11

He has told her it's been fondling, groping, kissing her boobs and fantasising. He totally denies PIV sex and oral sex. 'Friend' has apparently fondled him through his trousers while they have been fantasising. My friend thinks he is lying it hasn't gone any further than groping and fantasising.

OP posts:
FolkGirl · 13/06/2015 12:12

I think she's probably in shock. She's still trying to process it and reconcile this version of her husband with the one she thought he was.

She won't recognise him at all so for now it feels like she's hearing about a stranger who just looks like her husband. And she may well feel that any minute now she'll realise that it was all a mistake and none Iif it happened.

She'll get there eventually.