Support for Spook 2

[Janstar]

Here it is.

Where do you live, Anorak? near Thomcat??

I live near St Albans. Hey, Brixton is near enough to meet up in London sometime

Thanks guys. I know. I'm sure I've said it before but each time I fall over I get up that bit quicker. I love that anorak-alot nearer to the end of the journey than the beginning. You put things so well. God-I never ever want to be that January person ever again.
I'm on my own in the house tonight. He has the boys.It's so quiet. I have been in the garden for about 6 hours today-I find it incredibly therapeutic but am walking like a little old crone with v.dirty fingernails. It's thundering away outside. I LOVE thunderstorms.
I am SO looking forward to meeting anorak-it will take me a while to get used to that name change-I always thought of Janstar as quite approriate coz she was my guardian angel!

[sharp excited intake of breath] - spook you're coming down, to see janstar, sorry Anorak??!!!! OMgoodness.

Listen i know you two have a lot to say to each other, Anorak has indeed your guarian angel and I've sung her praises with regard to this many a time both to Mnetters and to friends. Blue has also been an amazing friend.

but listen, if you are hear for a bit, more than just a ight and you feel up for it I would love it if you, anorak, blu, me and whoever else could meet for drinks. I would REALLy like nothing better. Can we, do you think?

Well look sleep on it, or let me know whenever but not onthis thread, start a new one entitled Spooks visit or something so that I definatley see it and it doesn't get lost in this thread of a 1,000 posts!!!

I've a;lways wanted to meet up with the very special lady that is Blu, Anorak i know amd to meet you too would be amazing.

Oh btw Anorak I meant to have a workd with you about your DD and how lovely she was. Can i do this here? Well she came over to me and said ' what's it like to have Down's syndrome?', that in itself was wonderful, so refreshing, so honest, so lovely. i explained how it's not much different to being me and you and that things just take a bit longer to learn etc and she nodded and said 'my mum said it means having a lovely life'.
Thankyou for that. Through big fat happy tears, thank you

Sorry about my typing errors btw

Blimey, Thomcat, did I say that? DD felt as if she knew you already because of aloha's article, which of course we all read. I think what I might have said to her was that Down's people are very loving - but DD fell in love with Lottie just like everyone else does. If that's the point she took then it's all to the good.

We will definitely arrange a meet-up while spook is down here. I've been slaving away in my dining room/conservatory for the last fortnight, building a bar. Kayleigh has agreed to come and test it when I get back from holiday and I think we should make sure and have some kind of a gathering whether it's here or out somewhere. Blu, the Thameslink is perfect, we use it a lot, there is a station 10 mins from our house. While we're on the subject we could easily meet in London anytime for a night out.

Anyone who wants to meet lovely spook while she is staying with me, look out for posts after 14 Aug when spook and I are both back from hols. We'll be organising this visit then.

I can't wait! It's going to be so much fun.

After 14 Aug - it just gets better that's when i'm back from my hols and will have just done the parachute jump!

In that case we'll choose a wheelchair friendly venue

Oh God-someone cheer me up please??? I am finding things really really hard. I sent him this e-mail last night.Ofcourse I have had absolutely no response whatsoever.

I hope you had a good time with the peanuts tonight. I miss them terribly-I
really do. The house is so quiet and lonely without them here. I tiptoed
past their bedroom before. Who am I going to wake...Mr BiggyBoggy? Goodness
knows what I'll do if you go to Ibiza.
Also I thought it was best to let you know that you will be served with the
papers for a judicial separation next week sometime. I know the whole issue
of solicitors and finances makes you very angry and I hope you believe me
when I tell you it's the LAST thing in the whole world that I want. But it's
fairly obvious now that you're not coming home to us. You've been in a
relationship with someone else for a year and a half now so I really think
it's better that we put a line under it and sort it all out and end it .
Surely it's better for you too? Then you can get on with your life and do
whatever it is you want to do. Move in with her or buy somewhere..clean
sheet and all that? (well,maybe not)
The thought of it still makes me feel physically sick-but 7 months down the
line I don't really have much choice do I? I need to sort myself out, work
out when I need to find a job and what kind of home I can afford for me and
the boys and all that. I'm on my own now Keithie and the sooner we face up
to it the better. It's the scariest thing that ever happened to me. I never
was very good on my own. It's certainly the saddest.
But I'm not going to turn this into another emotional signing off letter. I
just thought it was something that you needed to know. And I really wanted
you to know that I never ever wanted this and ofcourse still don't. I
begged you to come home on my knees often enough! A girls gotta have some
self respect!
Because you didn't let me have your address they will have to bring the
papers to your office. I'm so so sorry that it's come to this. Please
understand. You threw in the towel baby. I love you,

{{{{huge hugs spook{}}}}

Thanks Delgirl xxxxxxx

No one can tell you that he will suddenly come to his senses, or that he will even respond civilly to your extremely reasonable message.

But what people can tell you, and what you know deep inside, is that you have tried as hard as anyone could to give him endless chances, and you've behaved with decency and dignity all through this. One day, if there is any justice in the world, he will respect you for that. But the most important thing is that you can respect yourself totally. You can't put a price on that feeling, and it's worth losing virtually everything else to have.

Spook, I haven't posted before as I never seem to find any time for myself in my LIFE OF CHAOS; but I just wanted to say that you strike me as someone with so much dignity.

Your 'journey' echoes mine to a great extent and your e-mail (although yours is far more eloquent) bears hallmarks of one I sent to my ex.h all those years ago.

I just want to add that your life will get better: you will discover happy Spook once again. He doesn't deserve you.

Thinking of you.

Thanks Anorak. I'm glad you're there. And thanks Joburger. I really thought I was doing OK but I feel so wretched this week. And ofcourse I still can't quite believe things have gone this far and he's just sat there letting it happen. Shit shit shit. Oh well-have just poured myself a gin and tonic so I think I'll go and sit in the garden and ignore my poor children a bit more.

You're not ignoring your children. They need to be left to their own devices for a while each day.

Stop criticising yourself. Start noticing how good you are

Oh Spook, you sound like such a wonderful person, I'm so sorry you are having such a nightmare still. As I said on Thurday night I really do hope I have the opportunity to give you a RL hug when you come to see the equally wonerful Anorak. It would be great to meet you for a bit after you've spent some quality time with Anorak. Lots of love to you and your boys - TC x

Hi Thomcat. What is wrong with me this week. I sometimes feel quite calm on the outside but inside my head I am screaming and crying. Then I'm sometimes yelling at the boys (well,quite alot this week) but feel totally numb and nothing on the inside. I think I need a really really good sleep actually. But I do have to get up at 4 tomorrow morning!
I'll post when I get back from France-lots and lots of love, and here's to our meet-up! Have a lovely holiday and GOOD LUCK with your parachute jump!!XXXXX

hope you enjoy yourself spook

Thanks Clayhead. I wil cetainly give it my best shot to find a multi-millionaire with a yacht (who likes children)

I have nothing but admiration for you Spook. you've been and are still going through the most difficult thing you've ever dealt with. you still love you DH and are coping amazingly with everything he's put and is continuing to put you through. so much of what you have said is exactly how i imagine i would feel, react and although I have never stood whre you are standing I really feel for you and can empathise with your feelings. Keep being strong babes and before you know it you'll ahve turned another corner.
My dad hurt SO bad when my mum left, it broke my heart. He was horrible to me as my mum and I are so alike. i never thought I'd get my dad back, but I did, bigger, better and happier than ever before anbd we get on better these days that we ever did. He's mellowed so much and is just generally happier than he ever used to be. He now has a good relationship with my mum again and pops round there for a cup of tra now & then. Something I would never have belived possible. It will get beeter babes it's just going to take time. this will make you stronger and when you're ready a wonderful new life will be yours for the taking. Lots of love and admiration, TC xx

Spook! You remember when you were going to re-do your whole house including a Pink Aga? I never realised until yesterday that such a thing exists! I was leafing wishfully through an upmarket children's clothing brochure, and there in the oh so casual cod Cape Cod kitchen was a pink aga. Doh!
Hope this sunshine is shining down on you in every way.
XXX

Now I see there's one in the Boden catalogue, too! They're a very nice shade of pale ppink. Come back from holiday and get one, Spook!

I'm back, spook! Are you?